When my Mom thought that the dating and relationship method that went on at my high school was strange, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. If someone had a crush, they would either giggle and hide, or ask them out. And BAM relationship. Now, if my son or daughter were to one day tell me that’s all there was to it, I would probably roll my eyes at that now.
Dating outside of high school has a lot more that goes into it.
So for people who are just now starting to date out of high school, those just looking for tips, or maybe you feel like you just have no idea how to go about it all I thought this would be a good tool for you.
This may seem unfair, but most of my tips will be aimed at men, being a woman, I know how I want things to go so it’s easier to give tips to them. I will try to give some advice to woman as well though.
Also, definitely shoot back some comments with any additional tips you have for men or woman.
So without any further ado, here are my tips:
1. Try to avoid the typical “dinner and a movie” FIRST date. Again, I’ll stress FIRST. If you’re really at a loss of what to do and you really must do this, then watch the movie first. It’ll give you something to talk about. I’ve criticized this first date before, and the reason is this: I’m shy, I don’t know what to say to you. Heck, I don’t even feel comfortable looking you in the face. Most dates will at least have one person who feels this way. Now, an exception is if you guys are already good friends and it’s a half date. A half date is when the guy or girl asks to hang out and either “no one else could make it,” or they just do it. It’s a date in disguise.
2. Make the first date fun. We want to have fun, we want to know you’re easy to talk to and be around. Do an activity for the first date. Go mini golfing, go rock climbing, go ice skating, go laser tagging, go bowling etc. Neither of you have to be good at it. In fact, it might be better if you’re not. It makes it so you can laugh, you don’t need to make eye contact or awkward conversations, you can easily talk about what you’re doing.
3. Make the second date aimed at an interest. Maybe they said a particular place they like to go, a local park, a particular restaurant. If they’re excited they will open up and talk about it. As they’re talking about their experiences you might be able to connect your own experiences and share.
4. Make the third date a little more intimate. The only example I can think of right now is to take her to your house, make dinner together, and watch a movie. This is where you can cuddle, have a little wine. I AM NOT SAYING HAVE SEX. But cooking is more intimate, it allows for cuddling on the couch, it’s a relaxing night in. You can also play games or do something fun if you want the night to last longer. You can also have more serious conversations and open up, or you can wait a little longer.
Making the dates this way shows her that you can be fun, you think about her and listen to her interests and what she says, and then you can show your more romantic and sensitive side.
5. Don’t talk about your ex’s. Ever, don’t do it. Unless you are asked we really don’t need to hear that you were thinking about them on the date. The exception is if you see your ex and they say hi or words are exchanged, to just say later, oh that was my ex. And if you are asked, keep it short. Just say when you dated and let it go. Don’t get in to how they broke your heart, and you’re still getting over it. If you say anything like that, we’re gone.
6. When it comes to paying…. Men; be prepared to pay for you both… Always. Woman; Always be prepared to pay your half. In addition, always OFFER to pay your half. In my experience, and hearing from my male friends, the guy is always willing to pay for AT LEAST the first three dates, but if you acknowledge it, they’ll know you’re grateful for what they’re doing. Also, after you have reached relationship status, buy his lunch and his dinner every now and then too. Men; I’m sorry that you are expected to really pay so much early on. Many girls expect it, and we shouldn’t. So I’m sorry.
7. When it comes to planning… Men- I think you should set the game plan for the first few dates. If you ask her though, and she says I don’t know, let her know if she thinks of anything to let you know. But plan it. Avoid the whole, “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know what do you want to do?” loop. Women; If he asks, really think, and throw an idea out there.
8. When it comes to the kiss… Don’t worry about it so much. Feel out when it feels right. Normally the good night kiss isn’t when it feels the most comfortable. Just know that you’ll both be nervous, and not to worry about it. Men; It doesn’t have to be the first date. Normally I recommend the second or third, but when it feels right. Women; Just because he hasn’t kissed you yet doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.
9. When do we call it a relationship… This varies, a lot. You’ll need to ask if the other person is seeing anyone else. Somewhere around the 7th date you should have established where you stand. Even if you know its not exclusive right now, you should know. I’m not a fan of unexclusive dating if it gets that far into the relationship, it doesn’t work for me, so it would be a deal breaker… Which brings me to the tenth and last tip…
10. Know your deal breakers… But don’t be too picky. If religion plays a big role in your life, and your thoughts vary dramatically, don’t get attached. Know if they want kids, is it an issue? Do they do drugs? Do they smoke? Are they a felon? Do they like cats? Whatever it may be, by the 7th to 10th date you should know if they have any deal breakers or not. If they do, don’t wait for it to change, don’t get involved if it’s not what you’re looking for.
Do These Tips Matter?
You be the judge.
The first date I went on with John (back in April) was terrible. It was uncomfortable. I felt like I couldn’t open up and talk to him. We went to lunch. We sat across the table from each other. Any time I would take a bite he would ask me a question, without fail. I ended up showing him pictures of my cat and such. I didn’t like the feeling of sitting across the table, I felt like I was being watched and judged. Like I was on display.
I WAS NOT GOING TO GO ON A SECOND DATE.
Now, obviously I did. Why did I? The only reason I went on another date was because we had been talking on Okcupid for weeks, maybe a month, and it was so easy to talk. So I texted him back. He waited a few hours because I didn’t text him, I waited about five more after that (and rereading our messages online).
Our second date was a lot of fun, we played twister, watched Ferngully (an old loved childhood movie), and then got something to eat. Then we watched The Perfect Host. We didn’t cuddle or kiss, or anything. In fact the most contact we had was probably when my heel accidentally nailed him in the, erm, family jewels. He didn’t kiss me at the end of the date, but I wanted him to.
The third time I saw him was right before I left, he brought me pancakes in the morning with a card to read on the plane. It was really sweet and I still have the card.
The first dates really matter a whole lot. I’m not saying that to scare you, I’m saying it so you can have the best shot you can and not get over looked because of an uncomfortable first date.
No comments:
Post a Comment