The Single Mum’s Dating Guide!

Whether your children have flown the coop, or they’re still in nappies, it can be a little tricky navigating the dating scene when you’ve got kids in tow. So here’s a few tips we’ve picked up from eHarmony’s single mothers to help you find the perfect man for you (and your family!).

You first

Putting yourself second and your kids first seems to be an inherent part of being a mother. Which is fine when it comes to letting them have the last slice of cake, or sitting through hours of Disney films (which, if you admit it, probably isn’t such a bad thing). But there’s no space for the children-first approach when it comes to online dating – this, at the very least, is all about you. So embrace a little me-time and enjoy talking about yourself for once – you’ve earned it!

In your own time 

There’s barely enough hours in the day as it is when you have children. Let alone, time to search for, date and fall in love with the perfect partner. That’s why single mums are turning to internet dating to find someone special – it’s a little easier to fit your dating activity around nap times, school picks-up or after your kids have gone to bed when the action is happening online. And if you’re with eHarmony there’s even a handy app you can download, so you can reply to messages or check out your matches without even turning on your computer. How’s that for efficiency?

You’re in good company

Another great thing about dating online is that there are plenty of men in the same shoes as you. Divorced or separated – many of them are just as keen to take things slowly and have the same worries about introducing new people to their families as you do. Besides respecting your time-frame, there’s other advantages to dating someone who’s a parent too – for one, there’s a good chance they already like kids.

You deserve fireworks

It can be tempting to settle for something safe, when it comes to dating as a single mum. But don’t forget that you deserve something special, something fun, and something that ticks all the boxes too. In fact, you deserve fireworks. So although you may feel like you’ve got a long list of things your new partner needs to have, don’t let chemistry be the thing you compromise on!

Be prepared for questions about your ex

Anyone you date will wonder what’s happening with your ex partner or husband – it’s only natural. The best thing you can do is be prepared, and be honest. Let them know where the relationship stands, and give them the opportunity to figure out if they can fit in with your arrangement – chances are they will, but everything will be easier if you’re up-front from the get go.

Trust that it will work out

First-time dating with children can be a steep learning curve, and we can’t guarantee it’ll always be a comfy ride. But, if you’re taking positive steps toward finding new love, you’re doing all the right things.

http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/start-with-you/2014/03/the-single-mums-dating-guide#.U0FJRfldXIM

Are Women Waiting Too Late To Mate?

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A provocative column by author Susan Patton in The Wall Street Journal says that today's college age women who eventually want to get married  are making a big mistake by hooking up in college instead of locating Mr. Right. Her theory is that today many women who want marriage and motherhood are deferring those goals. She observes that they are instead devoting their twenties to college, graduate school and career advancement and then begin to hear the biological clock begin to tick and want to have children and/or settle down with their life partner in their 30s. 

The problem, as Ms. Patton sees it, is that women in their thirties find themselves at a disadvantage as far as fading physical beauty when they try to compete against twenty-something year old women at their physical prime for equally well-educated, desirable men. This problem of competition for scarce men was summed up by the  thirty-something successful career woman "Sex and the City" character Samantha who said, "Be damn sure before you get off the Ferris Wheel, because there are twenty-two perky and ruthless women wait.

The other problem with waiting until way after college to settle down is what Barbara Dafoe Whitehead termed the sexual imbalance of power, where single men "can count on a pool of attractive peer women who are willing to sleep with them, compete over them, take care of them, spend money on them and make no big demands on them." That gets worse once you leave college. Ms. Patton is correct when she notes that in college there are many more "like-minded, age-appropriate single men with whom you already share many things." And she is correct that once you leave the halls of academia, the number of these desirable men drops dramatically in the workplace or when you return to a small town and realize how isolated you have become. 

Her best bit of advice is for educated women who desire marriage and family (but are not ready for it at age 21) to keep in touch after graduation day with the men that they met in college through social media. When you think about it, meeting men in college will give you a much more accurate view of what they are really like than if you met them through a dating service where they can embellish on their resume and hide character defects and  an embarrassing past history. For instance, we recall a very handsome eligible pre-med student who charmed the ladies, but was caught cheating on a Chemistry test. What are the odds he'd cheat on you someday? Or end up some day in jail for cheating on his taxes?We recall another who was a very dashing member of the Crew team and spirit squad but was banned from a sorority for his cavilier treatment of a member. Talk about women's issues! You would never hear about that on E-Harmony or Christian Mingle.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201402/are-women-waiting-too-late-mate

Why It's Better to Introduce Your Kids to Your Boyfriend Right Away

Everyone has an opinion about everything. And when you're getting divorced, those opinions about everything are something everyone wants to bestow upon you. Do this. Don't do that. Make sure you absolutely don't do that. Never do that. You must do this. There are experts out there -- experts on you and what you should do. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. And one of the toughest topics out there with steadfast critics is the one about when to introduce your kids to your boyfriend.

Everyone's involved in this decision whether you want them to be or not. Your family. Your kids. The ex. I think it's better to introduce the kids to your boyfriend right away.

And by boyfriend, I don't mean some guy that makes you laugh and you enjoy having a glass of wine with every now and then. I also don't mean the guy you just met online and your first date involves having ice creams at the playground as a pretend family. It kind of has to be this perfect dance of that moment you realize that this guy is something wonderful -- and he thinks you're something amazing -- and the only way to take this whole I think we're falling in love thing to the next level is to introduce him to the kids. Because if that turns out to be a disaster, you can end it sooner. As in right away. Because if the guy cannot mesh with your kids, there should be no meshing with you or your heart or your whole everything.

If you put this off ... for months and months or some imaginary timeline everyone else seems to want to impose on the situation ... you could end up having wasted all those months and months. Critics of my theory, of course, are going to say, But what about the kids? They will see you with some guy and think who is this man mommy is with? What does it all mean?

Depending on the age of your kids, you can handle that. You're a mom. Moms know what's up and how to best handle things of that nature. Besides, it's not like you're saying, "Hi kids! Meet your new daddy!" while you make out with him and then slap his ass. That's not what this is about. At all. It's just a simple meet and greet. A little observation. And the kids get to sniff him out. Because kids are GREAT at that. They are like dogs. They know the good people and the bad people and they will growl at the bad people. Essentially you will know if this is going to work out or not; worth pursuing or not; a good idea to allow yourself to fully fall in love or not.

Some may think it's selfish. But I don't see it that way. Happy mommy equals happy kids. And if there is going to be a new man in their lives who is going to draw them pictures of Spider-Man, teach them how to be Batman, and happily wear a multi-color beaded necklace made by your daughter around his neck even when he's not around your kids, you know you've made the right decision.

Do you think there is a right time to introduce your boyfriend to your kids? Does it have to do with an actual timeline (example months, years) or rather based on emotions?

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167200/why_its_better_to_introduce