Long distance relationships: 5 Expert tips on making them work

Long distance relationships: Make 'em work!

If you're considering a long distance relationship or fall into one without much of a choice, don't worry -- there's help on the way. We turned to the experts for some tips on how to make your long distance relationship work. Here's what we uncovered:

1

Use the phone

Natasha Grach and her boyfriend have been together for seven years, and it was not easy at first. "We started our relationship apart for six months -- we were both college freshmen and he was in Russia studying abroad," she explains. "We kept things going by talking on the phone a lot -- sometimes as much as six to seven hours at a time!"

And to make matters worse, talking on the phone for that long wasn't cheap. "Yes, there were calling cards, but that was such a hassle for us and they ran out really quickly with all those maintenance charges," she adds.

Grach advises not to let the logistics get in the way of talking on the phone with your partner everyday -- it's one of the most important things you can do to make a long distance relationship work.

2

Utilize other modes of communication

If you can't reach each another on the phone, then e-mail, IM and text messaging will do, says Falzone. "When you're stuck in a meeting halfway across the world, it's always heartwarming to receive a loving text message from your sweetheart," he points out. "Set aside a certain time, every day, to connect with each other."
With such busy lives and so many obligations pulling at you from all different directions, it's easy to neglect communicating in a long distance relationship. Using other modes of communication will keep you and your partner close even though you're technically far away from each other.

3

Keep the romance alive

You and your beau might not see each other every day, but it's important to keep the love going and present. "Give a little something -- mail a gift, write a love song, send a balloon-o-gram, order lunch and have it delivered to your honey -- just make it happen," says Falzone.
"You're not physically together all the time to enjoy those little extras that your sweetheart might do for you (like bringing you a latte made just the way you like it). Your sweetie will feel cherished knowing that you're thinking of him enough to send a special surprise." Plus, he will probably return the gesture and will make you feel super-special.

4

Partake in an even-trip exchange

Odds are you and your love will be visiting each other. It's important to make this even to avoid a disgruntled other-half. "Make sure that each person takes a turn visiting the other's city," says Debra Berndt, a dating and relationship expert, and author of the book, "Let Love In." "This way no one feels as though they are doing all the traveling, thus making all the effort in the relationship."

5

Don't take things (too) personally

"Set aside a certain time, every day, to connect with each other."

Things will get in the way so be prepared. Since you and your partner live separately, odds are you'll maintain your lives in your own cities (as you probably should). It will help your relationship if you remain understanding and flexible.

"Changes in plans come up, work gets in the way and family emergencies emerge as a normal part of life. If your partner cancels a trip, do not take it personally and make a huge deal over the change (unless it becomes a regular pattern of behavior)," says Berndt. "Remember that you accepted the relationship as it is and must adjust to last minute cancellations as part of the deal."

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/

Long Distance Relationships: 5 Expert Tips on Making Them Work

LONG DISTANCE LOVE TIPS

Long distance relationships have always had the stigma that they don't work. Some relationships experts disagree. "Having a successful, long distance relationship is possible," says Paul A Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together Dating, the largest brick-and-mortar dating service in the world. "It's important that you both understand what's involved and that you're dedicated to working at communicating."

Long distance relationships: Make 'em work!

If you're considering a long distance relationship or fall into one without much of a choice, don't worry -- there's help on the way. We turned to the experts for some tips on how to make your long distance relationship work. Here's what we uncovered:

1

Use the phone

Natasha Grach and her boyfriend have been together for seven years, and it was not easy at first. "We started our relationship apart for six months -- we were both college freshmen and he was in Russia studying abroad," she explains. "We kept things going by talking on the phone a lot -- sometimes as much as six to seven hours at a time!"

Tip: The good news that is even if your cell phone plan doesn't include unlimited national long distance -- or your love lives outside the country's borders -- you still have options.
To cut on the phone costs, she suggests using a service like VoxOx, a free Web application that combines Skype, Vonage, Google Voice and Digsby. That way, you can communicate with your beau without a financial hurdle.

And to make matters worse, talking on the phone for that long wasn't cheap. "Yes, there were calling cards, but that was such a hassle for us and they ran out really quickly with all those maintenance charges," she adds.

Grach advises not to let the logistics get in the way of talking on the phone with your partner everyday -- it's one of the most important things you can do to make a long distance relationship work.

2

Utilize other modes of communication

If you can't reach each another on the phone, then e-mail, IM and text messaging will do, says Falzone. "When you're stuck in a meeting halfway across the world, it's always heartwarming to receive a loving text message from your sweetheart," he points out. "Set aside a certain time, every day, to connect with each other."
With such busy lives and so many obligations pulling at you from all different directions, it's easy to neglect communicating in a long distance relationship. Using other modes of communication will keep you and your partner close even though you're technically far away from each other. 

4

Partake in an even-trip exchange

Odds are you and your love will be visiting each other. It's important to make this even to avoid a disgruntled other-half. "Make sure that each person takes a turn visiting the other's city," says Debra Berndt, a dating and relationship expert, and author of the book, "Let Love In." "This way no one feels as though they are doing all the traveling, thus making all the effort in the relationship."

http://www.sheknows.com/articles/long-distance-relationships

3

Keep the romance alive

You and your beau might not see each other every day, but it's important to keep the love going and present. "Give a little something -- mail a gift, write a love song, send a balloon-o-gram, order lunch and have it delivered to your honey -- just make it happen," says Falzone.
"You're not physically together all the time to enjoy those little extras that your sweetheart might do for you (like bringing you a latte made just the way you like it). Your sweetie will feel cherished knowing that you're thinking of him enough to send a special surprise." Plus, he will probably return the gesture and will make you feel super-special.

5

Don't take things (too) personally

"Changes in plans come up, work gets in the way and family emergencies emerge as a normal part of life. If your partner cancels a trip, do not take it personally and make a huge deal over the change (unless it becomes a regular pattern of behavior)," says Berndt. "Remember that you accepted the relationship as it is and must adjust to last minute cancellations as part of the deal."Things will get in the way so be prepared. Since you and your partner live separately, odds are you'll maintain your lives in your own cities (as you probably should). It will help your relationship if you remain understanding and flexible.

6 Secrets to a Great Long Distance Relationship

Traditionally long distance relationships have been unlikely to last beyond 6 months, but in the age of the internet, Skype and mobile phones they have more chance than ever of being successful. The challenges facing people engaged in a long-distance relationship are unique. It can take more careful planning, time and attention than a traditional relationship but if you are both committed to making it work there is no reason why it can’t be just as fulfilling and satisfying as any other relationship. To give your long distance relationship the very best chance of success here are our top 6 secrets.

1.      Creating clear parameters

Early on you both need to decide where you would both like this relationship to go. This will happen in a traditional relationship but there isn’t the same urgency. If you are going to invest time and effort in keeping in contact; money travelling to visit each other and emotional energy in establishing a bond over a distance you want to know early on that you are both heading in the same direction. Are you going to give it 6 months of you both giving it your very best shot and then get together to review how it is going? Are you working towards living together one day?  Do you know what level of commitment the other person wants from you and whether you can give it?

You don’t need to make all these decisions straight away but you do need to both have the ability to say what you want and need and articulate how you are feeling as the relationship goes on.

2.      Keeping regular contact

In order to make a long distance relationship work you need daily contact so that you become part of each other’s daily lives. This is easier than it used to be with the internet and Skype – no more huge phone bills!

Talk on the phone or online; write emails; send love letters; Skype or instant message – it is all great for your developing relationship but even the most talkative of people might run out of things to say. Try doing things together – watch a film at the same time and then talk about it; play Scrabble, chess or some other online game; learn a language together and then practice your skills while planning a trip to that country – there are no end of things you can engage together in online which will give you plenty to talk about every day and deepen your bond and connection with each other.

3.      Have face to face contact – as much as possible

Although you can develop a great virtual relationship it is really important that you set regular dates to meet up and see each other face to face. The physical contact of your partner is the glue that binds all the other things together – the smell of their skin; the touch of their hand; the kisses that say more than words ever could – it is vital to the success of the relationship that these meetings happen. When one visit has ended plan the next so you both have something to look forward to.

4.      Develop trust

Trust is the cornerstone of all healthy and lasting relationships but it is particularly important when it comes to long distance relationships – there is so much distance between you it is easy to become insecure or unsure about your partner’s commitment. This is why having clear parameters and daily contact is so important. It’s unrealistic to think that you won’t both get insecure at different times but if you are in daily contact you will be able to talk about how you are feeling rather than having days or weeks feeling unsure and insecure.

5.      Nurture security

Feeling secure in a relationship comes from being really clear with each other about what is happening and where you are going. Firm plans, definite times arranged when you will meet online; a willingness to talk about the future and, most importantly, an agreement that if it isn’t working you will tell each other – all of these things will create the security you need in order for your relationship to survive and thrive.

6.      Have an attitude of gratitude

Many long distance relationships don’t survive because the distance between them becomes a painful experience and when the couple talk it is about how awful it is that they can’t be together, how much they miss each other and how difficult it all is. Watching your partner suffer emotional pain is horrible and will lead some people to conclude it is better to finish it rather than prolong the agony.

When you talk try to focus on what is great about your relationship and although it will be painful at times don’t wallow in it or you might risk losing them altogether.

http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/relationships/2012/10/6-secrets-to-a-great-long-distance-relationship#.UgoCHpK1Hnc