5 Signs Your Relationship is Ending

Once the honeymoon period is over most relationships fall into a comfortable pattern that might be short on the fireworks of the first year, but provides a stability and intimacy that feels great.

However, if that comfortable groove has started to feel more like an apathetic rut it might be time to take a long, hard look at your relationship and see if it’s likely to stand the test of time. Here are five ways to tell if your relationship is on the rocks…

You don’t communicate

If you come home from work, stick the telly on and don’t speak to each other beyond the occasional “Pass the crisps”, you’re in trouble. Communication is the key to every relationship and without it minor issues can flare up into fights and you’ll both end up feeling unloved and indifferent. If you don’t want to talk to each other about how your day was or chat and laugh together anymore, it’s a clear sign that you’re losing interest.

You rarely have sex

Once the initial excitement of a new relationship has worn off you will naturally have a bit less sex, but a strong desire for your partner and regular sex make for a healthy, functioning relationship. It may just be that your sex life has got a little bit routine and injecting some zest with a little bit of experimentation will put things back on an even keel, but if you still aren’t feeling it, it’s probably time to wave goodbye.

You imagine life without your partner

If you find yourself constantly having daydreams that fail to feature your partner it’s time to ask yourself some questions. You might long for a home free of their clutter and chat, or fantasise about a date with that hot new colleague, or wish you could just take a holiday alone: whatever it is, you’ve started to emotionally detach.

You pick fights

If you find your partner irritating and can’t resist constantly picking them up on their habits then the writing is on the wall. Relationships require empathy, compassion and compromise to keep going, so if you’ve jacked all that in in favour of snapping and bickering it’s time to get out of there.

You forget about the little things

Whilst big gestures are thrilling and romantic they don’t help maintain a relationship on a day-to-day level. A recent study funded by the Economic Science and Research Council found that the simple things – such as bringing your partner a cup of tea in bed – nurture a relationship much more than grand romantic gestures. If you’ve forgotten about those little things and rarely think to do anything for your partner, from offering them a cuppa to giving them a cuddle, then it’s time to forget about the whole thing and move on.

8 Breakup Myths That Are Totally Not True

Going through a breakup is really, really hard. Learning how to deal with a broken heart and trying to adjust to life without someone you used to be with all the time is hard enough as it is – but add on all of the myths and stereotypes that go along with breakups, and it gets that much harder. When you’re dealing with a relationship ending, you get advice and sayings thrown at you from every direction, and in the end, you don’t even know how you’re supposed to feel. And you’re probably angry. Really angry.

There are some basic guidelines on how to deal with a breakup, but the truth is, everyone has to do what works for them. That’s why you can’t pay attention to all of the crazy breakup myths out there. They can easily make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, and usually, you’re really not! Here are 8 breakup myths that are totally not true:

If It Wasn't Official, You Can't Be As Sad

Just because you were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't mean you don't have the right to be heartbroken! Ending something like a friends with benefits type of relationship can be just as bad, if not sometimes worse, than an "official" relationship. There is no shame in taking months to get over a guy who was never actually your boyfriend. Seriously

It Should Take You Half As Long As You Dated To Get Over Him

For example: if you dated for six months, you should get over him in three months. What? I don't know where this "rule" came from, but it's pretty ridiculous. There is no right amount of time you can spend on getting over someone. Sometimes it happens relatively quickly, other times it can take years. Everyone and every situation is different, and setting a silly guideline like this one just doesn't make sense.
 

To Get Over Someone, You Need To Get Under Someone Else

Rebounds work for some people, but they're not for everyone. If getting out there and flirting and finding someone else to hook up with helps you move on, great! Go for it. But it won't make everyone feel better... in fact, it makes some people feel worse. Personally, I know that rebounds only make me miss my ex even more when I'm dealing with a breakup. Don't feel like you have to get with someone else after a breakup. Take your time and do it when you're ready.

Men Don't Get Upset About Breakups

A lot of girls think that guys don't care about breakups as much as girls do because a lot of guys don't show their feelings. When most guys go through a breakup, they try to hide their emotions and sometimes do things like immediately date someone else... which makes girls think they never cared. But the opposite is true. A recent study even proves that breakups are harder on men than women. That's because guys don't have the support system women typically have after a breakup - they don't feel like they can be open about their emotions, so they keep everything in. Women deal with breakup heartache right away, while men tend to pretend it's not happening and internalize it, so they feel it for longer. Not always, but usually.

You Can Never Get Back With Your Ex

If you've ever considered giving an ex a second chance after a breakup, you've probably heard people say things like "he's an ex for a reason!" While that's sometimes true, it's not always true. After about eight months of dating, my BF and I broke up for a few months. We obviously ended up getting back together, and now we've been dating for almost four years! Sometimes people can make things work a second time around.

In Order To Get Over It, You Need To Eat Ice Cream

There is this stereotypical vision of a woman getting over a breakup: she's eating ice cream (usually Ben & Jerry's), stalking Facebook, and watching a sad romantic movie. But this isn't how every girl gets over someone! I know that personally, when I'm going through a breakup, I can barely even manage to eat at all, let alone eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting. Don't feel like you need to chow down in order to move on.

You'll Be Friends One Day

The truth is, you might not be. I am not friends with a few of my exes, and I seriously doubt I ever will be. While it can be great to move on and develop a nice friendship with an ex a few years later, it just can't always happen. Sometimes, things ended too badly or feelings were too strong. And sometimes, we just completely lose interest in having that person in our lives. That's okay.

You Must Get Closure

I am a person who needs a feeling of closure, so it took me a long time to realize that not everyone feels the same way. Some people are okay with not getting any kind of closure. Don't feel like you need to talk to him one more time to make everything okay. Sometimes it's okay to just let things be.

http://www.gurl.com/

5 Reasons Not to Stay Friends After a Breakup

LET'S BE FRIENDS... NOT

Often when couples break up, to let the other one down easy, the dumper proposes just being friends. This is not a good idea. Each person needs a certain amount of time to get over the breakup before deciding on a new form the relationship can take. The only reason to stay friends immediately after a split is to secure a shot at getting back together. Unfortunately, it only ensures that you cannot or will not let go and take the brave step into the life of being single and authentically moving on.

1

Because hope is dope

Staying in touch and trying to be friends after a split fuels hope. Hope is easy to get hooked on, but it doesn’t promote your forward moving progress. It is not possible for emotions to go from being in love to just friends in a nanosecond. The mind may convince you this is so, but it is not possible. The heart moves much slower than the mind. Take time before trying to be friends.

2

To avoid the gray area

When you hit the gray area and one of you is more in love than the other, the one with the greatest need will suffer the most. If your partner cannot commit to you but they don’t want anyone else to have you and you allow this, this is a recipe for emotional disaster. This puts you into a place of being strung along emotionally and your partner can always use the excuse that they are doing nothing wrong because you agreed to just be friends.

3

Because you cannot move on

If you choose to remain friends, you are still stuck in the same spot in your love life that you were when you were together, and you cannot make room for new people, events and circumstances to come your way. Nor do you carve out any time to heal. You essentially stay hooked to your ex and cannot move on. You must face the emptiness for a while, so you can get back to loving yourself enough to set the correct boundaries.

4

It won't make you feel less alone

If you are so afraid to be alone and going through the pain that you would rather hang onto any table scrap your ex offers, this makes you desperate and needy, and this also doesn't make you a good friend. You must face being alone, learn to love yourself again and let go so you can change your own life for the better.

5

You need peace of mind

A breakup changes everything about the relationship you had. You cannot be affectionate and loving like you used to be whenever you feel like it. There will always be that awkwardness between you until you both are completely over each other. You must question if staying friends with you ex is worth sacrificing your peace of mind. Your peace of mind should be your number one commitment because without peace of mind, you cannot heal.

The bottom line

It is of far stronger character to be able to let go than to defend and hang on. Letting go is a part of life. We hardly ever get to decide how life is going to show up for us and life surely brings us pain, loss and rejection. We can feel so vulnerable to wanting to avoid these feelings that we are willing to hang onto a relationship that is not supposed to be for us anymore.
To grow and mature, it is best to accept what hurts and move on. As you do this, your life will change, you will change and with time away from your ex, you will also begin to see that maybe they just weren’t as great as the version of them that you thought they were or wanted them to be.

Little life message: If someone is leaving your life, it's because something better is about to enter.






http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1023973/5-reasons-not-to-stay-friends-after-a-breakup

10 ways to mend a broken heart

Today’s news says that the average woman suffers heartbreak twice before meeting the right man. According to a new Eharmony survey, we’re likely to kiss 15 frogs, have four disastrous dates and two serious long-term relationships before settling down and meeting our ‘forever’ prince. With this in mind, we asked a team of relationship experts to come up with their definitive list of heartbreak remedies, so if we unexpectedly find ourselves heading towards dumpsville, we’re ready to deal (that’s without reaching for our fifteenth tub of Ben & Jerry’s...) Ladies, bookmark this page...

1. Avoid alcohol.
When you first break up with somebody, you’ll feel shocked and probably in disbelief. The worst thing you can do is try and drown your emotions in alcohol and go mad on a big nights out – you’ll only end up sobbing to strangers or indulging on the dreaded drunk-calling (trust us, we’ve been there).

2. Don’t contact him.
You’ll go round in circles and get hurt. Instead, delete his number and when you get that urge to call him, phone a friend instead.

3. Indulge in sad songs and films.
As Jennifer Aniston said after her divorce from Brad Pitt, “When you try to avoid pain, it creates greater pain.” So remember to let those feelings out in a safe way (rather than say, sleeping with somebody else immediately – which will probably make you feel worse).

4. Write him a letter. DEAR GOD DON'T SEND IT THOUGH.
After a week of wallowing, it’s time to address those emotions. Write him a letter explaining how hurt you are. Relive all the good and bad memories. Sign it, then burn it. It will feel hugely cathartic and you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted.

5. Give yourself some distractions.
Create a playlist full of upbeat, positive songs and start watching a new box set – something like 24 or Girls. Nothing too emotional or draining, but totally engrossing.

6. Say YES to all social events.
Just being out and about is healthy. Book time in advance with your friends to avoid feeling neglected and lonely in the upcoming weeks.

7. Bin the bedding.
Who wants reminding of them every time you wake up? Treat yourself to some new bed linen or you’ll always picture that duvet cover with a hairy foot sticking out from under it. Reclaim your boudoir!

8. Unfriend him now.
If you’re still friends on Facebook or Twitter, get rid – his entire life is played out before you in glorious Technicolour. Stop torturing yourself and unfollow/unfriend him today. Seeing pictures of him will act as a misery trigger, not to mention the hours you’ll waste trying to work out who those new female ‘friends’ are. No exceptions.

9. Don’t rule out a rebound fling.
Hooray. He doesn’t have to be Mr Perfect either – our experts say they can build confidence and remind you that you’re a sexual creature. But relax – you’re dating, not recruiting a husband – don’t let it stress you out.

10. Seek out the positive. Although it’s hard to see it initially, there will be some serious pros to the split, trust us. Think of Nicole Kidman – who, when asked what you was looking forward to most about single life after splitting with Tom Cruise, replied, ‘Wearing high heels again’. What will you be gaining? Remind yourself.

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/relationships/ten-ways-to-get-over-someone

10 Signs You're Becoming the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

ARE YOU GOING TOO FAR?

You might be justifying all of that Facebook stalking, the late-night texts, the lengthy emails and anonymous phone calls to his new girlfriend (who you're pretty sure he met while you were still dating), but have you gone too far? Have your friends been subtly hinting that you might be heading into crazy territory? We're sharing 10 signs you might be.

1

You think about him all the time

When you're thinking about your ex to the extent that these thoughts are interfering with your day-to-day life, he's become your focus, notes April Masini, author and relationship expert at AskApril.com. He shouldn't be your focus — you should be your focus. "It's understandable that breaking up requires a transition period, but after a few months, these thoughts should taper off, and you should focus more on what's in front of you that's possible, and not on what's behind you," she advises.

2

You still have him on Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Following a breakup, it's a good idea to cut social media ties with an ex. If you haven't, you're likely still too attached. "You're going to be tortured by his presence on your social media, especially when he starts dating," says Masini. "You won't be able to enjoy your social media friends and contacts when you're always clicking on his information."

3

You stalk him regularly on social media

As Masini tells us, keeping your ex on Facebook or similar can easily lead to stalking. The information is readily available and oh-so-tempting to pore over again and again. But, she warns that you won't get the whole story behind the photos or the tweets, just enough to lure you in and get you addicted: "Stalking means you've given up your power and you're investing it in a failed relationship."

True story: For about six months after my last breakup, the first thing I did every morning, even before coffee, was check my ex's Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Finally my best friend came over and deleted him from all platforms to save my sanity. I love her for it. Rochelle, 28

4

You ask his friends about him

Continuously asking his friends or your mutual friends for information about your ex is a mistake and a big step into crazy ex territory. "Before you know it, you're going to get a reputation, and you'll start noticing your invitations are dissipating," says Masini. "If you can't stop asking or wondering, make new friends who don't know him," she advises.

True story: I convinced myself it was better to ask about my ex than not talk about him because I thought it made me seem like I was more over it. But really I just ended up sounding like a broken record and if I'm honest, a bit of a stalker. Anonymous

5

You frequent places you might see him

Do yourself (and your dignity) a favor and stay away from places you know he'll be. "As soon as he realizes you're following him, or worse, showing up at his haunts before he even gets there, he's going to eventually find new places to hang out and you'll be out of the loop," warns Masini. She suggests using the breakup as an opportunity to find a better gym, a better coffee shop and a better dog park.

True story: I was so intent on seeing my ex I joined his gym. Big mistake. It was so awkward every time I saw him I could never concentrate on my workouts and I quit a month later.Deanna, 25

6

You still have all the things he gave you

Still have all his stuff? It's time to purge. "Keeping a shrine to your ex by maintaining a box of his stuff long after you've broken up with him is going to be weird at best, and obsessive at worst," Masini says. It also keeps you anchored in the past. She recommends getting his stuff together and mailing it back to him, his mom or donating it to Goodwill.

7

You text and email him

Women who chase men lose out, Masini says. And guess what? Texting, emailing and calling him count as chasing him — especially when you're initiating the chase, she explains: "I've heard from loads of women who justify doing this, but in the end, it catches up to them. If he's your ex, that means he's going to sleep with you if you make it that easy, but he's also going to be looking for relationships and sex elsewhere, too."

8

You're devising plans to get back together

People do reunite, but the circumstances need to be right and both people need to be ready. But, says Masini, if he's changed the locks, is dating someone else, and you saw them perusing rings at the mall, chances are, no matter how elaborate a plan you've hatched, he's moved on: "It takes two people to get together, and one to break up."

9

You want to sabotage his new relationship

The problem with sabotage, as tempting as it is when you find out he's dating someone else, is that you may end up driving him further away from you and more quickly into the arms of this new person. "You'll get a short-term boost and a long-term let down. The best revenge is living well, and that's a fact," says Masini. "If you really want to make him second guess himself, go have a great life and be gracious and polite."

True story: My friends and I spent so many hours and consumed many bottles of wine, hatching schemes of sabotage to scare off my ex's new girlfriend. We never put any into action, but I'm still embarrassed I was so intent on breaking them up. Laurel, 32

10

Your friends are sick of hearing about him

You might be hung up on your ex, but eventually your friends aren't going to want to hear about it. "You'll know that your friends are sick of hearing about your ex because they'll stop calling you, the calls they do make will be shorter, and you'll be invited out less and less," says Masini. "You'll start hearing about fun times you weren't included in because they didn't want to hear tales of woe."

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1028515/10-signs-youre-becoming-the-crazy-ex-girlfriend

10 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

Today’s news says that the average woman suffers heartbreak twice before meeting the right man. According to a new Eharmony survey, we’re likely to kiss 15 frogs, have four disastrous dates and two serious long-term relationships before settling down and meeting our ‘forever’ prince. With this in mind, we asked a team of relationship experts to come up with their definitive list of heartbreak remedies, so if we unexpectedly find ourselves heading towards dumpsville, we’re ready to deal (that’s without reaching for our fifteenth tub of Ben & Jerry’s...)

1. Avoid alcohol. 
When you first break up with somebody, you’ll feel shocked and probably in disbelief. The worst thing you can do is try and drown your emotions in alcohol and go mad on a big nights out – you’ll only end up sobbing to strangers or indulging on the dreaded drunk-calling (trust us, we’ve been there). 

2. Don’t contact him. 
You’ll go round in circles and get hurt. Instead, delete his number and when you get that urge to call him, phone a friend instead. 

3. Indulge in sad songs and films. 
As Jennifer Aniston said after her divorce from Brad Pitt, “When you try to avoid pain, it creates greater pain.” So remember to let those feelings out in a safe way (rather than say, sleeping with somebody else immediately – which will probably make you feel worse). 

4. Write him a letter. DEAR GOD DON'T SEND IT THOUGH.
After a week of wallowing, it’s time to address those emotions. Write him a letter explaining how hurt you are. Relive all the good and bad memories. Sign it, then burn it. It will feel hugely cathartic and you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted. 

5. Give yourself some distractions. 
Create a playlist full of upbeat, positive songs and start watching a new box set – something like 24 or Girls. Nothing too emotional or draining, but totally engrossing. 

6. Say YES to all social events. 
Just being out and about is healthy. Book time in advance with your friends to avoid feeling neglected and lonely in the upcoming weeks. 

7. Bin the bedding. 
Who wants reminding of them every time you wake up? Treat yourself to some new bed linen or you’ll always picture that duvet cover with a hairy foot sticking out from under it. Reclaim your boudoir! 

8. Unfriend him now. 
If you’re still friends on Facebook or Twitter, get rid – his entire life is played out before you in glorious Technicolour. Stop torturing yourself and unfollow/unfriend him today. Seeing pictures of him will act as a misery trigger, not to mention the hours you’ll waste trying to work out who those new female ‘friends’ are. No exceptions. 

9. Don’t rule out a rebound fling. 
Hooray. He doesn’t have to be Mr Perfect either – our experts say they can build confidence and remind you that you’re a sexual creature. But relax – you’re dating, not recruiting a husband – don’t let it stress you out. 

10. Seek out the positive. Although it’s hard to see it initially, there will be some serious pros to the split, trust us. Think of Nicole Kidman – who, when asked what you was looking forward to most about single life after splitting with Tom Cruise, replied, ‘Wearing high heels again’. What will you be gaining? Remind yourself.





http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/relationships/ten-ways-to-get-over-someone

10 Reasons Why He's Just Not That Into You

TIME TO
MOVE ON?

The powerful maxim, 'He's just not that into you,' has exploded over the past 10 years from a cute line on Sex and the City to a book... to a movie. Why is there so much hype around this simple, seemingly obvious statement? Because so many women still don't get it!

Ladies, before you start pining over phantom phone calls and missed dates, consider these hilarious tips from author Phil Torcivia. The divorced bachelor, who penned the wildly funny Such a Nice Guy, has a thing or two to say about why he might not be returning your affections.

Don't be sad. It's his problem, not yours. I'm sure there are numerous men out there who are attracted to you and don't mind at all that you hog the remote, get text messages at 2 a.m. and pass gas in your sleep. We all have our little quirks. The key is avoiding the little jerks and finding someone who loves your idiosyncrasies. If that has become too difficult, find a good therapist, mix yourself a strong martini or see if one of the 10 reasons below applies.

HE NEVER REALLY WAS INTO YOU

He just wanted to hook up. (Oh, stop sobbing. You've done it, too.)

HE FOUND SOMEONE HE'S MORE INTO

It happens. Perhaps that lovely coworker he has been pining for suddenly left her boyfriend, whom she was just not that into.

HE IS TIRED OF BEING DRAGGED TO CHURCH...

...and malls and family reunions and baby showers.

YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS FRIGHTENED HIM

Maybe he sees too much of your mother in you already.

HIS FRIENDS FINALLY TALKED HIM INTO LEAVING YOU

They whined, complained, and poked fun at him because, since you came around, he can't come out and play after dinner as often.

YOU NAG... A LOT

Anytime you ask him to do something more than twice, it's no longer a reminder, it's nagging. Nothing makes a man want to run out of the home screaming more than nagging (excluding the obvious: A bad call during a playoff game or accidentally catching his Willy in his zipper).

HE'S A SLOB AND YOU'RE NEAT, OR VICE-VERSA

You don't realize this until you share a hotel room for a week. Then, the unmade bed, clothing pile and missing toothpaste cap are sufficient reasons to check out of both the hotel and the relationship.

YOU COST TOO MUCH

Hey, times are tough. He has to cut corners. His hand does not require expensive foreplay such as roses, sushi and La Crema chardonnay. His accountant advised him to rebuild his credit by sticking to solo nights in a dive bar with his nutritious dinner of happy hour draft beer and popcorn.

YOU ARE NOT THE SAME WOMAN YOU WERE WHEN HE MET YOU

Remember that sexy number you were wearing? Those high boots with your designer jeans tucked inside them. That pink lace thong. The plunging neckline. Where did they go? Yes, you look cute in sweatpants, flip-flops and a trucker cap, but then again so does his uncle.

YOU STARTED RATIONING THE COOKIE

You used to get busy all the time:In the car, on the kitchen counter and in the hotel Jacuzzi. You used to initiate. In fact, according to the police log, you had orgasms loud enough to register on the Richter scale. Now, instead of changing positions, you change the channels. He misses those days when you used to fetch the sex towel.

It's not so bad. Don't be embarrassed. You, too, can learn from this or at least become more skilled at faking it. But just accept it -- he's just not that into you.

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/813319/10-reasons-why-he-s-just-not-that-into-you/page:2

What to Do When You're Devastated After a Breakup

Most of us have experienced the devastation of a heart-wrenching breakup. Moving on from a hurtful split can be difficult work, but there are steps you can take to make the healing begin. According to Gary Neuman, author of Emotional Infidelity, these steps can help the process of healing begin.

Ask For Help
Now's the time to reach out to your friends and family. Don't be afraid to depend on others when you need it. Invite your sister over or take a walk with a friend—just be sure to get out of the house, eat well, and move. Doing so will get you to the next stage.

Use Your Time
In bad relationships, we often tend to fall into patterns of trying to fit into the relationship instead of considering what our own purpose might be. Now that you're out of the relationship, use the time to re-identify and reshape who you are. Use your emotional energy to ask some of the big questions: What do you want to be? What do you want to do? If you don't have an answer, think about your dreams and talents from childhood. Those early desires might reawaken something within!

Give To Others
Do something kind for other people. You might visit sick children in a hospital or help the homeless. Remember, as difficult as this time might be, your life is still valuable. There's a lot of important work to do, and a lot of people who you can help.

Create New Traditions
Use this time to get closer to the people you love, especially your children. Even if you need to be sad with them, you can come together to support each other. Try to create new traditions (like a regular movie night or volunteer time) with your family. Say to yourself, "In a year, I want to look back on this time and realize that I was changing my life for the better."

Educate Yourself Financially
A bad breakup affects emotions, but it also affects your finances. Go to the library and read books on managing your money. Feel secure so that you can create a financial future.

A Final Word
After a bad breakup, it's normal to experience feelings of sadness, loss, and anger. But if you feel yourself falling into despair, or you can't function, it may be time to speak with a counselor, minister, rabbi, or other trusted person.

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Get-Over-a-Breakup

Divorce Survival Tips

Experienced civil and family attorney Areva Martin offers her tips for how to protect yourself if you're getting a divorce. Know your rights when it comes to spousal support, child support and marital assets - you're not as powerless as you may feel.

1. Divorce proceedings are like war in most cases. You need to be prepared for the battle.
2. Before you even consider filing, consult with at least three attorneys in your area to find out upfront fees, etc. Seek good advice early on. Most cities have legal aid societies, and many lawyers offer free 30-minute consultations. Also, meet with your accountant to understand tax consequences and other issues related to valuation of property, retirement plans, stocks, etc.
3. Consider the timing of your divorce. If your spouse is due a bonus or raise, wait until it is paid out before filing, to avoid any claim that its not marital property. If you have been in long-term marriage, stick it out to the 10-year mark. This will help you get more of your spouse's social security. Once you decide to get a divorce, file first. There are some advantages in a divorce proceeding for the person who files first.
4. Make yourself indispensible. Make sure your name is on all bank accounts, investment accounts, deeds of trust, utilities, etc. and that joint signatures are needed. This will prevent your spouse from raiding your bank accounts.
5. Make copies of all documents (tax returns, bank statements, credit card bills, W-2 forms, mortgage statements, loan agreements, etc.)
6. Track down the assets. You need to know where every penny is. This includes bank accounts, stocks, bonds, jewelry, etc. In a divorce, each spouse has to disclose all assets, but often individuals are less than forthcoming. Know what is out there as half, or some portion of it, is yours.
7. Protect your credit. You will need your credit to start your new lifestyle. Don't co-sign for your spouse.
8. Stash some cash. You need to start saving your money well before you file. Your spouse probably already has money tucked away.
9. Try to negotiate temporary support payments. If you and your spouse are able to talk, try to negotiate temporary alimony and child support payments that will tide you over until divorce is final.
10. Separate your money. Take half of the money out of your accounts so that you will have some money to live on and so that your spouse won't beat you to it.
11. Dust off your resume. Even though you may be entitled to alimony, it's discretionary, and it won't last forever.
12. Custody is decided by the courts when contested. It's better to try to work something out before getting the courts involved. The courts have an obligation to determine who is in the best position to care for the children and what is in the best interest of the children. In most cases, assuming both parents are fit, the court will award joint custody, as law assumes children need both parents.
13. Don't put the kids in the middle. Keep your kids out of it. Don't involve them in the decision to get a divorce or any of the particulars. It's bad for the kids, and it makes you look bad in a custody battle.
14. Don't alienate your children from your spouse. Judges hate this, and it's bad for the children.
15. Child support is mandated by law " don't worry. If your spouse has a job, and you have the kids, he or she will pay child support, and it can be garnished from his or her wages.
16. Document any type of abuse.
17. Decide who to confide in. During this planning stage, keep your discussions limited to one or two people you can trust and who you know won't talk to your spouse.
18. Don't fall for the hype. Don't let your spouse convince you that you will end up with nothing, or you will be kicked out of the house. Your spouse doesn't make these decisions, the judge does. Half of everything your spouse owns belongs to you.

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/619

Why Did He Dump Me?

11 Reasons He Dumped You

I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following reasons as the most common breakup reasons:

• He changed.
• We weren't compatible.
• He cheated on me.

When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored

I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is from Wikipedia:

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious

This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her one time a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout

I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: being exclusive, giving special gifts, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Okay, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted to Cheat

I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with the cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up with Their Girlfriends

This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching The Devil Wears Prada, my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives

If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish

Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and your self up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings

This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake: You get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason: dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends or Family Didn't Like Her

I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her for Granted

Great relationships should be easy, but there needs to be some tension too — especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

She Was Too Negative

All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are most commonly cause breakups — do they differ for guys and women?

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/men/breakup-reasons

Finding Love Again After a Break-Up

How and When to Date After Breaking Up

We have all been through it, and sometimes after biting the bullet, we just gnaw on it for a while, not knowing what to do to get on with our love life after the break up of a relationship. But if relationships are important to you, psychologists suggest that the way you deal with the aftermath is equally significant and can be a predictor of things to come and of how well those future relationships will go for you.

The break up of a relationship is not an acute event in the timeline of your dating history; all relationships go through phases, and the ending of a relationship is another phase in the continuum of the connection between you and your significant other. The catalyst is often a particular episode, but the process is ongoing.

Sometimes the break starts as soon as you begin to get to know each other, and as soon as your partner’s annoying little idiosyncrasies and habits start to get under your skin. But the little things that tend to grow into significant differences and push you apart from one another are often eclipsed in the beginning, by the blinding rays of love and the intoxicating enjoyment of romance.

Eventually, the little dust bunnies under the sofa you sit upon to kiss can proliferate into a major need for clearing out the mess, and they may grow until the whole relationship starts to feel like housework and drudgery. If it has gone on so long that it seems like cleaning up the mess would be harder than just canceling your lease and moving to a fresh new apartment, you have serious trouble on your hands. You may need to break up and make a fresh start, for the sake of both of you, because sometimes people just don’t have the right combination of chemistry to endure a long relationship.

After all, there are other things tickling you under the skin too, and those can feel so delightful that they often keep us from examining the underlying problems we have with our partner.

While you are swept away by the giddiness of it all and are busy sweeping your small issues of discontent under the rug, they sometimes take on a life of their own, as they start to grow in rather invisible or camouflaged ways, into monolithic problems.

Don't Sweep Things Under the Carpet

Don’t break up in a way that might create more distance and less closure between you and a partner. For example, if you are going to break off a relationship, do it in person, face to face, if at all possible. This gives both of you an opportunity to clearly understand what is being said, and why. Otherwise, misunderstanding can haunt you for years. Emails are sometimes misinterpreted, phone calls don’t allow us to see each other’s body language, and no communication at all leaves us hanging, trying to figure out if we could have said or done something differently.

The exception to this rule is, of course, if your partner has been abusive in a way that is not healthy. In that case, the less contact the better.

But if you learn from your lessons of the past, you can both avoid this kind of unforeseen tragedy in future relationships. So keep an eye out for the small things, because sometimes the big picture is nothing more than a composite of all the tiny and seemingly insignificant details.

Breaking up can be looked upon as a chance to purge yourself of all the problems of the past, and although this phase of a relationship is difficult and often sad, it also holds the promise for the future. As they say “we love and learn” but we also can learn to love, by going through this kind of experience.

Some of the strongest friendships, in fact, are forged out of the remnants of old relationships that didn't quite work out – but served as a powerful and intimate foundation for a lifelong friendship.

If you are able to communicate your feelings to your partner during a break up phase, this may not only be the basis for a lasting friendship, it may also teach both of you valuable lessons about talking about your feelings. These lessons can be the answer to solving potential problems in your future relationships.

Take time to get over a break up, and if you feel that it would help, consult a professional counselor to help you deal with the aftermath of a love lost. The worst thing you can do for your relationship future is to jump out of one difficult relationship and into another one, without first taking the time in between to consider what it is you want and need from a future partner. The more time you invest in letting go, healing, and reflecting, the better your chances for a successful future relationship.

Your Wish List

Make a wish list. On one side of a piece of paper, list all the attributes you don’t want in a future relationship partner. Then burn the list and forget all the negativity it conveys. Bury the ashes if you have to, but do whatever it takes to get all of those unwanted characteristics out of your life, once and for all.

Now get out a nice fresh piece of paper. If you are feeling especially positive about yourself, you can even invest of some of that wacky new stationary that is scented to smell like bananas, strawberries, or peaches. After all, your future is going to be peachy, once you stop going bananas over the past and look to the strawberry fields of the future.

Now make a list, and make it as long as like. Write down exactly what you are looking for in a relationship, and leave no stone unturned as you turn over a new leaf. Meditate on the things you want to attract into your life, and the kind of person you want to share those with, and picture the kind of relationship partner you deserve.

You can always revise your list later, and this is a good idea, because our wants and needs change over time. The main thing is to get a really good idea of what you are looking for in another person, so that you will naturally attract them to you, and recognize a good thing when it comes along. You deserve the best, and someone out there is making a similar list, with your personal characteristics outlined to a “T”. The love of your life is out there, and it is just a matter of time.

http://www.moredating.com/magazine/23-finding-love-again-after-a-break-up