10 Reasons why he's just not that into you

TIME TO
MOVE ON?

The powerful maxim, 'He's just not that into you,' has exploded over the past 10 years from a cute line on Sex and the City to a book... to a movie. Why is there so much hype around this simple, seemingly obvious statement? Because so many women still don't get it!  Ladies, before you start pining over phantom phone calls and missed dates, consider these hilarious tips from author Phil Torcivia. The divorced bachelor, who penned the wildly funny Such a Nice Guy, has a thing or two to say about why he might not be returning your affections. Don't be sad. It's his problem, not yours. I'm sure there are numerous men out there who are attracted to you and don't mind at all that you hog the remote, get text messages at 2 a.m. and pass gas in your sleep. We all have our little quirks. The key is avoiding the little jerks and finding someone who loves your idiosyncrasies. If that has become too difficult, find a good therapist, mix yourself a strong martini or see if one of the 10 reasons below applies.

HE NEVER REALLY WAS INTO YOU

He just wanted to hook up. (Oh, stop sobbing. You've done it, too.)

HE FOUND SOMEONE HE'S MORE INTO

It happens. Perhaps that lovely coworker he has been pining for suddenly left her boyfriend, whom she was just not that into.

HE IS TIRED OF BEING DRAGGED TO CHURCH...

...and malls and family reunions and baby showers.

YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS FRIGHTENED HIM

Maybe he sees too much of your mother in you already.

HIS FRIENDS FINALLY TALKED HIM INTO LEAVING YOU

They whined, complained, and poked fun at him because, since you came around, he can't come out and play after dinner as often.

YOU NAG... A LOT

Anytime you ask him to do something more than twice, it's no longer a reminder, it's nagging. Nothing makes a man want to run out of the home screaming more than nagging (excluding the obvious: A bad call during a playoff game or accidentally catching his Willy in his zipper).

HE'S A SLOB AND YOU'RE NEAT, OR VICE-VERSA

You don't realize this until you share a hotel room for a week. Then, the unmade bed, clothing pile and missing toothpaste cap are sufficient reasons to check out of both the hotel and the relationship.

YOU COST TOO MUCH

Hey, times are tough. He has to cut corners. His hand does not require expensive foreplay such as roses, sushi and La Crema chardonnay. His accountant advised him to rebuild his credit by sticking to solo nights in a dive bar with his nutritious dinner of happy hour draft beer and popcorn.

YOU ARE NOT THE SAME WOMAN YOU WERE WHEN HE MET YOU

Remember that sexy number you were wearing? Those high boots with your designer jeans tucked inside them. That pink lace thong. The plunging neckline. Where did they go? Yes, you look cute in sweatpants, flip-flops and a trucker cap, but then again so does his uncle.

YOU STARTED RATIONING THE COOKIE

You used to get busy all the time:In the car, on the kitchen counter and in the hotel Jacuzzi. You used to initiate. In fact, according to the police log, you had orgasms loud enough to register on the Richter scale. Now, instead of changing positions, you change the channels. He misses those days when you used to fetch the sex towel. It's not so bad. Don't be embarrassed. You, too, can learn from this or at least become more skilled at faking it. But just accept it -- he's just not that into you. http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/813319/10-reasons-why-he-s-just-not-that-into-you/page:2

5 Ways to Win Over His Mom

Meeting his mom and getting her to like you can be a scary part of getting close to someone new, but winning her over is possible. With a few key strategies in your back pocket, you can easily endear yourself to your guy's mom.

HOW TO GET HIS
MOTHER TO LOVE YOU

1

Ask her about herself

Even shy people like to talk about themselves when asked directly, so if you make a point of drawing her into a conversation, the bonding process will be much easier. "Asking her about herself lets her know you’re not a self-centered person and that you’re a team player. This is especially important in a family setting where you’re not the only important woman in his life," explains relationship expert April Masini. It's not always easy to get to know a significant other's mom, but asking thoughtful questions and listening well go a long way toward building a rapport. If you're stuck on what to talk about, you can always ask questions about what your guy was like as a child — moms love to share funny stories about their sons.

2

Put in some effort

Even though you might be nervous (if this is a first visit), resist the urge to sit back and let your boyfriend do all the talking. You're here so she can get to know you, not just as an accessory to her son. "Showing effort is a sign of respect. It’s also a signal to his mother that you’re not a lazy person, which means your character is good," says Masini. Speak up, ask questions, and look interested even if you're not. And most importantly, smile. A friendly demeanor will make you seem more relaxed than you are

3

Offer to help

While she may not let you help with the dishes or dinner prep, it's always a good idea to at least offer your services. It's a polite gesture and one that will help endear you to her. "By offering to help serve, clear, chop or clean up, you’re letting her know that you appreciate her efforts," affirms Masini. "This goes a long way towards building the type of intimacy you can have with a healthy mother-in-law relationship in the future." But do ask and never assume it's OK to stand up and clear the table or start washing up without being asked — you don't want to overstep your bounds.

4

Compliment something specific

Flattery will get you everywhere, as long as the compliment you're giving is genuine and doesn't come across as too eager. Find something you really like about her home (the wallpaper in the guest bathroom, her taste in art) and let her know how you feel. Complimenting something specific, rather than generic, can also help spark conversation. In general, compliments will usually help your cause. "If you have good manners, as evidenced by appropriate compliments, she can show you off to her friends and extended family and your good grace reflects on her," Masini explains. The more you can endear yourself to his mom now, the better off you'll be in the long run.

5

Bring something for her

There's no need to buy something extravagant but ask your boyfriend what his mom likes (her favorite flowers, her go-to bottle of wine) and make sure you don't show up empty handed. "Bringing her a gift that is appropriate shows you understand socializing and will reflect well on your own social circle," notes Masini. "By simply showing her that you understand that manners and societal rules like bringing a hostess gift and showing your appreciation with material tokens, you’ve telegraphed your upbringing and your social IQ, making you a valuable potential daughter-in-law," she explains.

6

Follow up

A few days after having dinner with his parents, follow up with a thank you email or note. It doesn't need to be long, but do let her know you enjoyed the apple pie and her hospitality and you hope you spend more time getting to know her soon.

http://www.sheknows.com/love/articles/1024433/

Long Distance Relationships: 5 Expert Tips on Making Them Work

LONG DISTANCE LOVE TIPS

Long distance relationships have always had the stigma that they don't work. Some relationships experts disagree. "Having a successful, long distance relationship is possible," says Paul A Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together Dating, the largest brick-and-mortar dating service in the world. "It's important that you both understand what's involved and that you're dedicated to working at communicating."

Long distance relationships: Make 'em work!

If you're considering a long distance relationship or fall into one without much of a choice, don't worry -- there's help on the way. We turned to the experts for some tips on how to make your long distance relationship work. Here's what we uncovered:

1

Use the phone

Natasha Grach and her boyfriend have been together for seven years, and it was not easy at first. "We started our relationship apart for six months -- we were both college freshmen and he was in Russia studying abroad," she explains. "We kept things going by talking on the phone a lot -- sometimes as much as six to seven hours at a time!"

Tip: The good news that is even if your cell phone plan doesn't include unlimited national long distance -- or your love lives outside the country's borders -- you still have options.
To cut on the phone costs, she suggests using a service like VoxOx, a free Web application that combines Skype, Vonage, Google Voice and Digsby. That way, you can communicate with your beau without a financial hurdle.

And to make matters worse, talking on the phone for that long wasn't cheap. "Yes, there were calling cards, but that was such a hassle for us and they ran out really quickly with all those maintenance charges," she adds.

Grach advises not to let the logistics get in the way of talking on the phone with your partner everyday -- it's one of the most important things you can do to make a long distance relationship work.

2

Utilize other modes of communication

If you can't reach each another on the phone, then e-mail, IM and text messaging will do, says Falzone. "When you're stuck in a meeting halfway across the world, it's always heartwarming to receive a loving text message from your sweetheart," he points out. "Set aside a certain time, every day, to connect with each other."
With such busy lives and so many obligations pulling at you from all different directions, it's easy to neglect communicating in a long distance relationship. Using other modes of communication will keep you and your partner close even though you're technically far away from each other. 

4

Partake in an even-trip exchange

Odds are you and your love will be visiting each other. It's important to make this even to avoid a disgruntled other-half. "Make sure that each person takes a turn visiting the other's city," says Debra Berndt, a dating and relationship expert, and author of the book, "Let Love In." "This way no one feels as though they are doing all the traveling, thus making all the effort in the relationship."

http://www.sheknows.com/articles/long-distance-relationships

3

Keep the romance alive

You and your beau might not see each other every day, but it's important to keep the love going and present. "Give a little something -- mail a gift, write a love song, send a balloon-o-gram, order lunch and have it delivered to your honey -- just make it happen," says Falzone.
"You're not physically together all the time to enjoy those little extras that your sweetheart might do for you (like bringing you a latte made just the way you like it). Your sweetie will feel cherished knowing that you're thinking of him enough to send a special surprise." Plus, he will probably return the gesture and will make you feel super-special.

5

Don't take things (too) personally

"Changes in plans come up, work gets in the way and family emergencies emerge as a normal part of life. If your partner cancels a trip, do not take it personally and make a huge deal over the change (unless it becomes a regular pattern of behavior)," says Berndt. "Remember that you accepted the relationship as it is and must adjust to last minute cancellations as part of the deal."Things will get in the way so be prepared. Since you and your partner live separately, odds are you'll maintain your lives in your own cities (as you probably should). It will help your relationship if you remain understanding and flexible.

The Perils of Sober Dating

Is it possible to navigate the dating minefields without a single drop of alcohol? 

One brave writer finds out.

It seemed like only yesterday: I was on a blind date with a friend-of-a-friend. She'd described him as "cute, successful, the total package." He was all that and chivalrous, too, rising from his bar stool when I arrived and asking if he could get me a drink. "Oh, just a seltzer," I said. Though he was already nursing a vodka drink, he didn't flinch at my response. But before we'd even finished the appetizers, his two vodkas had turned into four, and by the time dinner arrived, he was slurring his words. In my old life, I probably wouldn't have noticed — I might have kept up with him. But when you're sober, spending three hours with a guy who keeps trying to hang his jacket on the hook under the bar while he's still wearing it is torture.

See, I decided to quit drinking after a 10-year battle with insomnia and sleeping pills. Though never a huge drinker, I was a steady one — easily downing up to three glasses of red wine per night — and since I'd become hopelessly addicted to Ambien, I was afraid that alcohol might turn problematic, too. At the time, I was freshly single, and it had been a while since I'd been called upon to make awkward conversation with a stranger, play the "Who's Going to Pay for Dinner?" game, or watch an unfamiliar face lean in for a kiss. Was it even possible to make it through a first date without a single sip of wine?

For the first year, I didn't have to answer that question because I didn't date at all in order to get used to my new life: to have fun at a party without a drink in my hand, tear up the dance floor sober, and unwind from a stressful day by meditating instead of pouring a glass. But eventually, it was time for me to start dating again, so I reactivated my online profile. The first guy who wrote to me asked why I'd checked "Never" under "My drinking habits." I didn't think he needed to know about my sleep issues, so I wrote, "Alcohol doesn't really agree with me." I never heard from him again. The next guy did ask me out, but grew visibly uncomfortable when I ordered a seltzer on our date. "Aren't you going to have a glass of wine?" he asked. "Oh ... it says on my profile that I don't drink," I said. "It does?" he said incredulously. "I must not have noticed that." I never heard from him again, either.

When I vented to a guy friend, he said, "Well, you can't really blame these guys. I don't trust a woman who doesn't drink. Is she afraid that if she lets down her defenses her true colors will show?" Another guy friend weighed in, "Without alcohol, you have to work harder to connect on a deeper level. And if you embarrass yourself, she's going to notice." And another guy put it this way, "It's simple: Alcohol = less inhibited = I have a better chance to score."

Regardless, I started meeting dates in cafés instead of bars and making plans that took place at museums and parks. But inevitably, we would move on to dinner dates and I would be faced with the same conundrum. And yet I didn't want to add drinking — a fairly universal activity — to my list of deal-breakers, along with doesn't want children and still involved with his ex. How many guys was I going to reject when I was actively looking for a boyfriend? I got why people liked to drink — hell, even I mis-sed nights that began with polite chitchat and ended with us draped over a stranger's car. Those things never happened in sobriety, and it didn't seem fair.

One night, I was out with a friend in New York City who introduced me to a guy who was a bit boring — but indisputably hot — and as the night wore on, I thought, It's been a long time since I've had sex. Here was my chance to have a fun romp, to prove that casual sex was just as fun sober as it was with a buzz. So I invited him back to my place. As soon as we arrived, he started removing my clothes. I then realized that sex with a stranger while stone-cold sober is an entirely different concept altogether. I did not stumble to the bedroom in a happy, confident daze as my clothes melted off my body; rather, he unbuttoned my shirt, struggling with one of the buttons. I held one arm over my breasts and said, "Hold on, let me play some music." He sidled up behind me and started to push my jeans over my hips; I quickly straightened up, gave him a strangled smile, and said, "Um, the bedroom is ... in there." He tried to pick me up to carry me to the bed; I couldn't make my legs pliant enough to leave the floor. It was the most awkward experience ever, and the sex wasn't much better. I just wasn't interested in his personality, and without booze, I couldn't force my body to experience uninhibited pleasure.

For a year, I straddled my old and new life. On dates, I had to dig within to find confidence — and sometimes, it simply wasn't there. Instead of reaching for a glass of wine to calm my nerves, I had to reach for something else: a deep breath, a new thread of conversation, a little prayer. Used to telling men I was "an open book," I had to learn how to stop over-sharing. Did a first — or second, third, or fourth — date really need to know that I hadn't spoken to my father in eight years? For the first time, I understood that one couldn't know a person after only a few dates, and I should notice a guy's actions rather than fantasize about what our wedding would be like.

Then, a funny thing happened: I started to attract an entirely new type of guy. One who was unfazed by the fact that I didn't drink. One who didn't drink much, either, though he might cut loose from time to time. What stimulated him were good conversation and spontaneous adventure.

Not too long ago, one of these new types — a guy I'd actually been dating for several weeks — made dinner for me. After eating lamb shanks and apple tarts, we lay on his couch, watching a DVD. Suddenly, he said, "I have a crazy idea, and stop me if it's weird: Want to take a steam together?" Though we hadn't had a drop to drink — and hadn't yet seen each other naked — we raced upstairs and jumped in his steam room. Here's the thing: When you realize that a drink isn't necessary to abandon your inhibitions, you're privy to your real wild side — the part that feels safe enough to let go. Then you know that your confidence comes from inside of you rather than the inside of a bottle. Best of all? You get to remember — and savor — every moment.

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/dating-without-drinking

How to Tell if You're His Rebound

SIGNS HE'S
ON THE REBOUND

You meet a guy, he seems great, but something feels… off. You might be his rebound and we’re sharing some sure-fire ways to tell.

He's still in touch with his ex

He might claim they're "just friends" and his former girlfriend might feel that way, but if he's still in touch with his ex regularly, he's not over her or at least not over their breakup. "If you are dating a man that is still in touch with his ex, this is a sign that he has unresolved feelings about her, the relationship and the breakup," affirms Jennifer Kelman, a relationship expert on Pearl.com and certified life coach. "By being with you he may be trying to push those feelings away and force himself to feel something for another woman in order to prove to himself that he is truly over the ex," she explains. It's not uncommon for two people to remain friends following a breakup but that usually takes some time. Being in touch right after a relationship ends is a sign that there is unfinished emotional business that needs dealing with and he might not be ready to settle down with someone else just yet.

He talks about his ex — a lot

What's the number one rule we always hear about dating and starting a new relationship? Keep talk of your ex to a minimum, or better yet, stay mum on the topic. So if he's talking your ear off about his ex, whether what he's saying is good or bad, he's very likely on the rebound and needs to sort through his feelings. "Talking about his ex a lot is also a sure sign that he has unresolved feelings about her and may even desire to still be with her," says Kelman. "In some way he may even be drawing comparisons between the two of you, and even if on the surface you are coming out ahead, most likely he is longing for what he used to have." There's no way your relationship with him can thrive if he has his ex on the brain and can't stop mentioning her and his breakup in conversation.

He's over-eager

Some guys are really eager to start a new relationship directly following a breakup. This is so they don't have to deal with any emotions, feelings or unanswered questions they might have about their recent past. Marching excitedly right into another relationship provides distraction — but only for so long. "The whirlwind may feel great on the surface, but trust your gut here. If it feels like too much or feels like he may be running toward you as a way to run from something else, you just may be a rebound," notes Kelman. Eventually those feelings he's not facing will come up and he will have to deal with them — and you don't want to be there when he does. You want to be the person he meets after he's dealt with all that past-relationship baggage.

He's more into sex than romance

There are also guys who go a little nuts following making an exit from a long-term relationship and focus on sex — all the sex they weren't getting when they were with their ex. Not that sex is bad — it's a large part of a good relationship, but if he's really not focused on anything but sex, you might be a rebound girl for him. "A guy coming out of a relationship who has been tied to someone else may just be out there looking to play the field and enjoy sex with many women," says Kelman. "Again, this is the time to trust your gut. If it feels only like sex and nothing more, follow that feeling." He'll get that out of his system and then the next person he meets will be a more likely candidate for a serious relationship.

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1024437/how-to-tell-youre-his-rebound

The Most Annoying Thing About Men?

A survey out today reveals the most annoying things about men. Reading through the list, we let out a collective groan – men, according to the women polled, don’t listen, leave the toilet seat up, have annoying friends, hog the remote and leave beard shavings and toenail clippings where they fall.

It triggered an instant argument over Cosmo’s features desk. Are we really still playing out sexual politics over a remote control? Or are these bugbears simply timeless annoyances destined to wind up women for the rest of time? We address the age-old argument (yep, we’re actually doing this), of whether or not the toilet seat being left up is indeed the most annoying crime a man can commit...

Cosmo's features writer, Lorna Gray, is on team ‘Put The Darn Toilet Seat Down’

Aesthetically, hygienically, and for the sanity of women everywhere – YES, a left-up toilet seat is the most offensive, irritating faux pas a man can possibly make. Akin to being caught in the rain, pouring the crumby bits of your cereal into your bowl, hearing a knife scraping a plate...  Ok, you get the picture.

First of all, it’s *usually* disgusting. It actually glares at you with its splashes round the rim, (among other offensive things...) Nope, it’s not something I want to touch, even with a toilet paper glove. Returning the seat to its natural position is just good manners. It’s totally reasonable to ask your man to be considerate and pop down the lid. Yes, you can argue why should he have to put it down but if (heaven forbid), he’s made the seat less than peachy clean, then he should DEFO be the one having to deal with it.

Plus, it just looks nicer. As Web Editor Pat correctly pointed out, you don’t see the toilet seat left up in a bathroom showroom. (I was being serious when I said that left-up lid glares at you.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for compromise here. One staffer’s friend has a rule where the lid and seat have to be replaced, so everyone has to touch something, thus averting WWIII. This seems like a pretty fair deal. Perhaps this is something to suggest next time you get the rage when you see the throne with its lid up. And breeeathe. 

Deputy Features Editor, Rosie Mullender, says it’s time to step away from the toilet (figuratively speaking)

Right. Ladies. It’s 2014. We’re facing the collapse of the global economy, mass unemployment, the battle to close the pay gap, endless pressures to be perfect and the prospect of The Voice being re-commissioned. Yet still – still – we care about whether a guy puts the loo seat down?

Admittedly, I feel a slight twinge of annoyance if a man leaves it up. It doesn’t look pretty, and we’ve all had it drummed into us by our mums to leave it down.

But the main argument against it seems to be, ‘Why should I have to touch the seat?’ Well, why should he? Why isn’t the rule that women have to put it down, then lift it afterwards? As someone who has worked as a cleaner in university halls, I can confirm that when men live alone, they basically just go everywhere, like a fire hose – so frankly, we should be grateful that they bother to lift the seat at all.

A quick straw poll round the office almost resorted into actual fisticuffs breaking out on top of photocopier. Cosmo’s Web Editor, Pat, sees it as a metaphor for a man’s entire inner landscape – if he’s selfish in the bathroom, it’ll probably extend to the rest of his life, and he’ll be shown the door. While our Features Director, Fiona, isn’t bothered either – but admits to leaving all her kitchen cupboards open, which is basically the girl equivalent.

It’s clearly a contentious issue. But if your man is funny, kind, interesting, thoughtful and sexy (and if not, why are you with him?), I really don’t see why a loo seat should be capable of causing so much kerfuffle. In fact, I’d probably let a man like that leave the kitchen cupboards open, too.

What do YOU think? 

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/dating-guide/the-most-annoying-thing-about-men

Does a Big Age Difference Doom a Relationship?

He Said: It's my experience that maturity and age are two things that rarely co-mingle. Age does matter in relationships, and anyone that tells you otherwise is either in high school and has a crush on one of their teachers, is a Miley Cyrus fan, or worships Hugh Heffner. Age is the vehicle by which we experience common milestones in life. These milestones give us the ability to relate to one another. We all experience a first kiss, first partner, first sex, marriage, home, career, child, divorce, etc. If you're at the end of this list, what on Earth could you have in common with someone near the beginning? There is a reason that most couples today do not have a significant age difference. Consider that over the last one hundred years, the average age difference between married couples is 3.5 years. Coincidence? No. Call it what it is — a trend. 

When my divorce was final, I went out of my way to date women of different ages ranging anywhere from twenty-two to fifty-three years old. I found that with younger women, I felt attracted but bored. With older women it was just the opposite — I was interested but did not feel attracted to them. With each woman I dated, things ended as quickly as they began. In hindsight, the only thing I was clear on regarding the women I described was that I wanted to date and was initially attracted to them. Their age should have been a warning to me that we may have nothing in common. 

This experience taught me two things. The first is that age is not just a number. It is a fairly accurate measurement that describes where you have been and what is left in front of you. It tells you what you may have in common with someone. The second is to know what you are attracted to, understand what you want in a partner and a relationship, and confirm that these things are in agreement before you choose to spend time with someone. Now, I stay away from age extremes, and in those rare moments I meet someone extremely younger or older that I'm into, I look for common interests before committing to a date. This works for me because I recognize that age matters. It is simply naïve to think otherwise. 

She Said: I'll be honest here — I like 'em old. Save for my first boyfriend, who was just two years older than me, the men I've dated and clicked with have generally been anywhere from six to twenty years my senior. Now a twenty year age difference may not be the norm or "average" (neither is six, for that matter), but I hardly think it's a strong predictor for the success of a relationship (after all, nearly half of those couples with the "ideal" age difference between them get divorced), and it amuses me how shocked people continue to be about an age discrepancy. Do I think it's a great idea for 16-year-old Miley Cyrus to date a 20-year-old? Not necessarily, but I'll leave it up to the two people in the relationship to decided whether or not it works for them. 

Age itself isn't a factor in compatibility — it's elements like maturity and life experience, which tend to correlate with age, that can make or break a relationship's long-term potential. But so can future goals, background, culture, family, career, personality, and sexual chemistry. I tend to think that the combination of those factors (maturity and life experience included) takes precedence over whether or not your significant others gets your clever Beverly Hillbillies reference. And while we're at it, can we retire lingo like "cougar" and "cradle-robber" (or grave-robber, as I've been called) — it condescends both parties in question and is on par with sticking a cutesy label on someone who dates outside of their own race or background, in my opinion. 

Date and let date — unless you're currently involved in a triad relationship with the May-December couple you're commenting on, leave it to them to form opinions on how their age gap works for them. Age and maturity often go hand in hand, but you can certainly have one without the other. 

All that said, I do have one (admittedly hypocritical) rule when it comes to dating much older men. To weed out the creepsters, I always ask if they generally date women as young as me. If they make a habit of trolling for women at the local college campus, I move on. I want to be the exception, not the rule. 

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/age-difference-relationships

3 Reasons He Didn't Call You Back

Adapted from the new book Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They REALLY Thought About You After Your Date by Rachel Greenwald

It's the new riddle of the Sphinx: “Why didn’t he call me back?” You have a great first date with a promising guy. You think it went well and expect to see him again… but then poof! He vanishes inexplicably. You sit around with your girlfriends and debate why he didn’t call you back. What happened in between “I’ll pick you up at 8pm” and “poof?” You speculate, you obsess, you rationalize, you justify. You want to know why. When your friends tell you, “It’s not you, it’s him,” you want to know if they’re trying to be nice or telling you the truth.

Guess what? There is someone who does know the truth about what really happened on your date. But it’s not you. It’s not your friends. And it’s certainly not your mother. It’s the guy you went out with. So I decided to ask him for you! In fact, I asked 1,000 “hims.” During the past ten years as a dating coach and matchmaker, I conducted “exit interviews” with 1,000 single guys to find out why you never heard from him again after a date, or after he flirted with you online or at a party. And I got some real answers. It turns out there are clear, consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then disappear. Sure, sometimes the issue is all his—who hasn’t gone out occasionally with a real jerk? But it turns out that many times we’re sending out signals we might not be aware of. And the good news is that most of these signals are easy to fine-tune.

Men essentially confessed that when they first meet you, they have several “female stereotypes” floating around in their mind. They quickly try to peg which stereotype you are and then look for evidence to back up their hunch. You know who you are deep down, but he doesn’t yet. So he will decide whether to call you again based on his perception of you, not the reality. In the early stage of dating, perception is reality. Here are three of the most common reasons men revealed why they aren’t calling women back (get the other 7 reasons - and what you can do about all of them - in my new book).

Reason #1: The Boss Lady
His perception: He’d rather hire you than date you. He perceives you as argumentative, controlling, overly independent, and not feminine or warm. While you think he’s intimidated by your success, he’s thinks you have a prickly attitude and imagines that snuggling with you is like hugging a porcupine in a pin-striped business suit!

Your reality: You’re confident, forthright and successful, but he can’t yet see those great qualities behind your tough demeanor. Try showing your warm, sensitive side first by talking about your adorable nephew or your volunteer work at the animal rescue shelter. And definitely change clothes after work into a flirty skirt instead of staying in that power business suit.

Reason #2: The Park Avenue Princess
His perception: You’re looking for a “Perfect 10”: the guy’s who’s a 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank. He thinks you’re high maintenance, superficial, or a gold-digger.

Your reality:You can take care of yourself. You enjoy spending what you make. Maybe you’re interested in a nice lifestyle, though it’s not your only priority. But he’s jaded by all the gold-diggers he dated before you (you’re guilty until proven innocent). So instead of asking him “What’s your favorite hotel in St. Bart’s?” you should ask “What’s your favorite little neighborhood café?” When the waiter inquires whether you’d like tap or bottled, don’t order the Evian; one glass of city water (almost) never killed anyone! {Tip: squeeze a little lemon in your glass…}

Reason #3: The Sadie Hawkins
His perception: You’re pursuing him. You sent him a thank-you email after your date, and immediately he knew you liked him. He may even think you’re a little desperate. Deep down, he feels deflated because when he likes a woman, he’d rather do the chasing.

Your reality: That thank-you email was a show of good manners, not a subtle hint for him to ask you out again. At work you’re rewarded for taking initiative, but with guys you have to let them reach out first. Don’t say, “Let’s do this again sometime”—that’s his line. This is one time in your empowered, take-charge life when you have to sit back and wait after a first date—do absolutely nothing to follow-up (don’t even check to see if he’s logged into his online dating profile). He’s a big boy and knows how to contact you if he’s interested.

I truly believe it’s not that “good” guys don’t exist, but rather that simple (mis)perceptions—which can be easily tweaked once you’re aware of them—are standing in Cupid’s way. Which stereotype do you think men might be labeling you? 

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/why-he-didnt-call?click=rel

Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40

Is your profile withering away online? Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? If so, you are likely making at least one of the mistakes commonly made by women over 40 who are using online dating as their new discos. (Really…where do you meet men these days?)

Unfortunately, all it takes is one major profile mistake to potentially sabotage any chance of finding love — or even a few good dates. Because, let’s face it, the odds are not in our favor, ladies. As we get older the man-to-woman ratio moves more and more lopsided. Some statistics show that for every man over 50, there are up to 5 women; over 60, ten women, and so on. Ugh! The days of sitting back and waiting for anything incoming are over. If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, it pays to create the best possible profile and keep it polished and shiny. Because if it doesn’t catch his interest right away, it only takes a single click for him to find one that does.

The good news is that unlike a lot of things in life, your profile is easy to change and update. And once you know how it is inadvertently turning off the men who are looking for a positive, fun connection, it’s really not that difficult. Here are the top five profile mistakes common to women over 40, along with specific tips to make your profile more appealing and reflective of the best you.

1) It’s a shopping list. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list. Once you’ve hit your 40s and beyond, you kind of know what works for you and what doesn’t. Many women use their profile as a list of their likes and dislikes. That can be a turn-off. The purpose of your profile is to market you. If you do a good job describing yourself and painting a picture of what it feels like to be in a relationship with you, it will attract the right men and repel the wrong ones. So focus more on what you have to offer, and less on what they can do for you. I guarantee you’ll see the immediate payoff in the quality of men you attract.

2) It’s too needy. Here are some statements I see every day in women’s profiles: “I’ve waited so long for the right relationship and I hope it’s finally my time.” “I’m ready to be his everything.” “I’m looking for a relationship where we are totally devoted to each other.” While some of this may be true for you, it’s not something to put in a profile. The man reads this as you having incredibly high expectations and reliance on your relationship for your happiness. Remember, he doesn’t even know you. If you wouldn’t say it on your first date, don’t write it in your profile.

3) It’s not needy enough. Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are particularly guilty of this. After all, you’ve probably accomplished a lot in your life without a man and are prepared to continue doing so. Be careful not to sound like there is no room in your life for a relationship. It often goes something like this: “I spend my days as a busy lawyer and my evenings teaching courses at the local college. Many weekends are spent training for my next marathon and singing in my church choir.” Whew!  You can go on to say that you look forward to a relationship, but really…where can a man possibly see time for himself in that picture? Also, avoid these statements: “I don’t need a man, but it would be nice to have one in my life.” Or, “I’ve been fine all these years without a man but I’ll make room for the right one .” Men, just like women, don’t want to feel like an accessory in someone else’s life. They especially need to feel needed and like an important contributor to your life. If you make it sound like you can take it or leave it, they are likely to help you leave it.

4) It’s too boring. “I love spending time with my friends, volunteering and reading novels.” When a man reads this his eyes glaze over and he moves on to the next profile. It’s too generic, common and, frankly says nothing about you that’s interesting. Instead, be more specific and paint a picture for him. Such as, “A great evening for me is trying out the newest ethnic food restaurant with a few good friends and disagreeing about the controversial exhibit at the art museum.” Or, “Sunday mornings you’ll find me at the SPCA walking dogs and then off to my favorite breakfast joint for their fresh brewed coffee and chile relleno. I like mine extra spicy.” (Okay, doesn’t hurt to flirt a little.)

5) You sound like a Debbie Downer. Does your profile sound like someone who likes to have a good time? Don’t be negative or too serious. “I’ve tried online dating before and it didn’t work, but I’m trying it again.” Or “I’ve had a lot of challenges and hardships over the last 20 years and now I’m ready for a change.” Or “I’ve devoted my life to my children and caring for my elderly parents…now it’s my turn.” Again, this all may be true, but it’s important to let your prospective match know that spending time with you will be enjoyable…otherwise why would they want to contact you? When was the last time you read a man’s profile and thought “Wow, he sounds like he really needs me to cheer him up…I definitely want to meet him!” Spend your initial time letting him know how you relax and enjoy yourself and how being with you will add positively to both of your lives. You can roll out the “heavy” information as you get to know each other.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/five-big-online-dating-profile-mistakes-made-by-women-over-40/#.UqufEfRdXnc