ter my divorce, I had a pretty crazy rebound period that’s run the gamut from horrible to hopeful. While I didn’t think I’d ever be back out there searching for love again, I’ve learned a lot about relationships, and I hope I can pass some of that knowledge on to you. I’m here to help you navigate the sometimes impenetrable, inscrutable male mind and make dating a more pleasant and hopefully more fruitful experience.
Hi, Jake,
I've been in contact (mostly over text) with a guy I met on Match for the last month and a half, and we have yet to meet. He asked me to meet up with him once, but it was an on-the-spot thing, and I declined because it was short too notice and already late. I invited him to go hiking with me last Sunday, which he agreed to, only to bail out the night before because he had too much work. He texted me the day of and called to apologize that afternoon after I told him that I was upset about it. We also had a nice conversation via Skype after that. Since then though, we've been back to the every-other-day texting about how our days were. I am starting to think that I may be wasting my time. I understand that work can get pretty consuming in some professions, but I feel like he'd make things happen if he was really interested—am I overreacting?
Toni
I've been in contact (mostly over text) with a guy I met on Match for the last month and a half, and we have yet to meet. He asked me to meet up with him once, but it was an on-the-spot thing, and I declined because it was short too notice and already late. I invited him to go hiking with me last Sunday, which he agreed to, only to bail out the night before because he had too much work. He texted me the day of and called to apologize that afternoon after I told him that I was upset about it. We also had a nice conversation via Skype after that. Since then though, we've been back to the every-other-day texting about how our days were. I am starting to think that I may be wasting my time. I understand that work can get pretty consuming in some professions, but I feel like he'd make things happen if he was really interested—am I overreacting?
Toni
Dear Toni,
I’ve had similar interactions in online dating. What I’ve learned is you just can’t get attached to anyone you haven’t met in person, and it’s also much easier to be a coward and/or a jerk when you’re only exchanging messages.
I hate wasting a lot of time with emails and texts with a person I’ve never met. You might meet and realize in two seconds that there’s zero chemistry.
That said, I think it’s worth one more try. My suggestion would be to lower the stakes a bit. Just say something like, “Hey, I know we’re both busy, but I’d love to at least meet you to see if there’s anything worth pursuing. How about a quick coffee date Thursday? Or, if you’re not interested, that’s OK too—just let me know.”
And let me know how it goes!
—Jake
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