The Most Annoying Thing About Men?

A survey out today reveals the most annoying things about men. Reading through the list, we let out a collective groan – men, according to the women polled, don’t listen, leave the toilet seat up, have annoying friends, hog the remote and leave beard shavings and toenail clippings where they fall.

It triggered an instant argument over Cosmo’s features desk. Are we really still playing out sexual politics over a remote control? Or are these bugbears simply timeless annoyances destined to wind up women for the rest of time? We address the age-old argument (yep, we’re actually doing this), of whether or not the toilet seat being left up is indeed the most annoying crime a man can commit...

Cosmo's features writer, Lorna Gray, is on team ‘Put The Darn Toilet Seat Down’

Aesthetically, hygienically, and for the sanity of women everywhere – YES, a left-up toilet seat is the most offensive, irritating faux pas a man can possibly make. Akin to being caught in the rain, pouring the crumby bits of your cereal into your bowl, hearing a knife scraping a plate...  Ok, you get the picture.

First of all, it’s *usually* disgusting. It actually glares at you with its splashes round the rim, (among other offensive things...) Nope, it’s not something I want to touch, even with a toilet paper glove. Returning the seat to its natural position is just good manners. It’s totally reasonable to ask your man to be considerate and pop down the lid. Yes, you can argue why should he have to put it down but if (heaven forbid), he’s made the seat less than peachy clean, then he should DEFO be the one having to deal with it.

Plus, it just looks nicer. As Web Editor Pat correctly pointed out, you don’t see the toilet seat left up in a bathroom showroom. (I was being serious when I said that left-up lid glares at you.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for compromise here. One staffer’s friend has a rule where the lid and seat have to be replaced, so everyone has to touch something, thus averting WWIII. This seems like a pretty fair deal. Perhaps this is something to suggest next time you get the rage when you see the throne with its lid up. And breeeathe. 

Deputy Features Editor, Rosie Mullender, says it’s time to step away from the toilet (figuratively speaking)

Right. Ladies. It’s 2014. We’re facing the collapse of the global economy, mass unemployment, the battle to close the pay gap, endless pressures to be perfect and the prospect of The Voice being re-commissioned. Yet still – still – we care about whether a guy puts the loo seat down?

Admittedly, I feel a slight twinge of annoyance if a man leaves it up. It doesn’t look pretty, and we’ve all had it drummed into us by our mums to leave it down.

But the main argument against it seems to be, ‘Why should I have to touch the seat?’ Well, why should he? Why isn’t the rule that women have to put it down, then lift it afterwards? As someone who has worked as a cleaner in university halls, I can confirm that when men live alone, they basically just go everywhere, like a fire hose – so frankly, we should be grateful that they bother to lift the seat at all.

A quick straw poll round the office almost resorted into actual fisticuffs breaking out on top of photocopier. Cosmo’s Web Editor, Pat, sees it as a metaphor for a man’s entire inner landscape – if he’s selfish in the bathroom, it’ll probably extend to the rest of his life, and he’ll be shown the door. While our Features Director, Fiona, isn’t bothered either – but admits to leaving all her kitchen cupboards open, which is basically the girl equivalent.

It’s clearly a contentious issue. But if your man is funny, kind, interesting, thoughtful and sexy (and if not, why are you with him?), I really don’t see why a loo seat should be capable of causing so much kerfuffle. In fact, I’d probably let a man like that leave the kitchen cupboards open, too.

What do YOU think? 

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/dating-guide/the-most-annoying-thing-about-men

Ask a Guy: Is It True That Guys Don’t Like Girls Who Are Smarter Than Them?

Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

I’ve been single for a really long time and I’m kind of confused as to why. My friends tell me it’s because guys don’t like girls who are smarter than them. Is this true?

Not true. So not true! Smarts are NEVER a bad thing – not in dating, nor in general. In fact, I personally find intelligence one heckuva turn on, and have gone out with plenty of ladies who I felt were smarter than me. So don’t ever think that brains are a hindrance to snagging a boyfriend – and don’t allow anyone else to tell you so, either.

Sure, there might be the occasional doofus out there who isn’t looking for any kind of mental stimulation. There will always be a handful of Hugh Hefner-wannabes out there only interested in snagging “trophy girlfriends.” But these guys are the exception to the rule.

Instead, what you’re more likely to have encountered are guys who are intimidated by your intelligence. Some dudes might feel embarrassed or nervous to approach you, given how eloquently you speak or how well you do in school. It’s hard enough asking a girl out – the task of impressing an especially admirable lady can be downright terrifying!

But an ideal suitor for a brilliant woman certainly doesn’t have to be packing the same intellectual heat she is. In any relationship, each partner will have different strengths and weaknesses, most of which will hopefully counterbalance one another. Having things in common is great, but going out with someone who sees and interacts with the world differently is often the most fulfilling part of any romance.

With that said, you also probably don’t want to go out with someone who can barely understand you – or worse, has no interest in listening to what you have to say in the first place. Such an incompatible simpleton might show you a fun time for a few weeks or months, but you’ll eventually tire of not being able to connect on any deeper level. Hold out for someone who has an appreciation for your wondrous abilities!

Good luck!
Ethan

Read more: http://www.gurl.com/2014/01/30/is-it-true-that-guys-dont-like-girls-who-are-smarter-than-them/#ixzz2sMbOiW38

Boyfriend Hunt: How To Use Technology To Find Real Love

Looking for real love? Stick to these foolproof dos and don'ts of digital dating.

When you are looking for real love online, a well-written profile is key. It is important to find the balance between serious and fun. You want to be clear that you're looking for a real relationship, but you don't want to seem needy or desperate. You want to show your fun and lighthearted side, but you don't want to come across as flaky. These tips will help you strike that balance, as well as help to identify the guys with boyfriend potential:

1. On your online dating profile, use the right vocabulary. Use phrases like "lasting relationship" and "best friend" instead of "marriage" and "husband." Focus on describing the day-to-day relationship you want to create, rather than the title you wish to achieve.

2. Be sure to include in your profile anything that may be a dealbreaker (for him or for you). Just put it out there. If you have children, mention that in your profile. If you want a partner who shares a particular lifestyle, write about its importance to you. 

3. Make him laugh! Lighten things up by including a funny, self-deprecating story or by making reference to something funny in pop culture. Instead of saying you "love to laugh," express it in your writing and show it in your pictures!  

4. Beware of the guy who includes "short-term dating" as something he's looking for. While he might be open to developing a long-term relationship, it may not be important to him and he may not be willing to do any work towards that goal.

5. Look out for profiles that seem outdated or lacking effort. If a man wants a relationship and is attempting to find it online, it will be reflected in his profile. He'll post good, clear pictures and he'll have an updated narrative.

6. Don't put too much stock into his online presence. If you didn't meet him via social networking, avoid connecting with him in that way until you get to know each other better. Exploring his Facebook and Twitter pages will likely fill your head with judgments and insecurities. Get to know him in real life before surveying his entire online presence.

7. Clean up your public profile. He may be the curious type, and you don't want him to find anything that might diminish the relationship potential. 

8. Don't write him off if he has chosen to text instead of call. The important thing is that by the end of the first text session, he's asking to set up a time to meet. And it shouldn't be "if you're free tonight, maybe we'll cross paths." He should be willing to set aside some time, in advance, to meet you. The date certainly doesn't have to be fancy or time-consuming, but he should be able to commit to an hour to meet you for coffee.

9. Beware of the guy who asks you to send him suggestive photos early on. If you haven't yet been intimate, he shouldn't be asking for sexy pictures. A man who is looking for real love will know that getting to know you is as important as physical chemistry, and he'll let the sexy texting develop in its own time.

10. In the beginning, don't sweat the small stuff ... like how long it takes him to respond to your text or why he waited a day to respond. Let him respond to you in a way in which he is comfortable. If it doesn't feel good to you, you can choose not to be in touch any longer. But give yourself the chance to get to know him without creating expectations about his availability.

There's no escaping the technology when it comes to dating. Keep these tips in mind and you'll be ready for the hunt for love!

http://www.yourtango.com//boyfriend-hunt-how-use-technology-find-real-love/

10 Ways To Tell If You’re Going To Have A Good Or Sucky Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and I know a lot of you are busy getting gifts or planning something with your boyfriend, girlfriend or best friend. The key to having an awesome V-Day, even if you hate the holiday, is to take it easy and not stress about it. When you get too cranked up, that’s when things go wrong.

I’ve had my share of good and bad Valentine’s Days just like everyone else. It’s just one day out of the year, you guys. Everything will be fine! Here are 10 ways to tell if you’re going to have a good or sucky V-Day:

Good: You don’t have ridiculously high expectations about the holiday.

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Bad: You have insanely high hopes of what the day is going to be like.

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Good: You and your Valentine discussed gifts within a reasonable budget.

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Bad: You get your Valentine something super expensive as a surprise, and they give you something that doesn’t match it.

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Good: You’re single and spend time with your best girlfriends.

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Bad: You’re single and spend the day wallowing and hating everything.

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Good: You have a fresh perspective on this year’s V-Day and aren’t comparing it to anything else.

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Bad: You compare it to your amazing V-Day with your ex and get disappointed.

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Good: You appreciate the effort your Valentine put into the day even if it’s not exactly what you had in mind.

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Bad: You complain the whole time.

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Are you going to have a good or bad Valentine’s Day?

Comment below!





http://www.gurl.com/2014/02/02/good-bad-valentines-day/

The ‘Must Haves’ List That Every Single Girl Needs

Mr. Right might be right under your nose.

I like to have my clients make a list of the 50 qualities they want in a future husband or life partner. From there, they identify which qualities are “non-negotiable”, or the qualities they absolutely must have in a man. This exercise helps them get the deal-breakers on paper, to refer to and use on their search for Mr. Right.

This list isn’t a new idea — but it’s one that works. A counselor asked me to make a similar list 20 years ago when I was single and looking for love. There’s a reason she asked me to do this, but it wasn’t why I thought. As it turned out, what I wrote on my list revealed more about me than it did the man I thought I wanted.

How so? Writing down the 50 qualities you want in a man is heady stuff. It starts you daydreaming about how good it will feel when you meet your ideal partner. You start imagining the wonderful life you’ll share as a couple. He suddenly begins to feel real.

But there’s a catch. And what was true for me then could be true for you now: This man is off your radar. You wouldn’t recognize him if you bumped into him. You might work with him or he could live next door, it doesn’t matter; he’d be a blur to you. Why? Because when it comes to choosing men, we tend to choose what’s familiar, what we know. It’s like we have blinders on.

So, unless you’ve cultivated the qualities you’re looking for in a man in yourself, you won’t be able to recognize a man who has them. He’ll walk right by you and you won’t even see him.

Let me give you an example of why this happens. I’ll use a non-negotiable quality most women put on their list: honesty. Naturally, you want a man who’s honest, a man who’s going to tell you the truth about himself and his feelings. Yet, how many times have we not spoken up to tell a man when something isn’t working for us? How many of us have avoided asking a man about the future of a relationship? Or been too scared to ask him about his intentions before giving our hearts away? How many of us have put up with bad behavior hoping it would change without us having to say anything? If we haven’t developed this level of honesty ourselves, we’ll attract a man at our level. We won’t recognize when he’s being less than truthful because we are so used to being that way ourselves. We need to cultivate honesty in ourselves before we can require it of our man.

Another non-negotiable quality women put on their list is: emotionally available. We want a man who can share what he’s feeling and be vulnerable enough to open his heart to us. But it’s not easy being vulnerable if we’ve been hurt. Many of us act like the walking wounded and find ourselves on the defensive in love. We protect our hearts by being overly cautious, and brace ourselves for the hurt we think is coming. We don’t express our fears and insecurities, and we hide behind a wall of phony confidence. We hide our emotions and don’t let a man in.

Once again, if we don’t take some risks by being emotionally available, we’ll attract a man at our level. If we are protecting our feelings, we’ll pick a man who’s doing the same.

Sometimes, we have too much of the qualities we want. For example, we write on our list that he must be attentive to our needs. We want a man who’s considerate of our feelings and desires. But many of us, myself included, can be overly concerned about what we believe a man needs — and end up over-delivering at our own expense. Being the nurturers we are, we can give a man much more than he is giving us, and end up single and alone.

We can use our list of non-negotiables to change ourselves for the better. Any of the qualities you identify for yourself, even the three I’ve mentioned here, can be cultivated without a man in your life. Practice them with your family, your friends, and even at work. The more you improve on the non-negotiable qualities you lack or overdo, the better a woman you’ll be… and the better man you’ll choose.

Now, the next time you find yourself bumping into Mr. Right you’ll recognize him — and be prepared to give him a big, beautiful smile.

http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/dating/2014/01/the-must-haves-list-that-every-single-girl-needs#.UvDy8fl_vnc

Why It's Better to Introduce Your Kids to Your Boyfriend Right Away

Everyone has an opinion about everything. And when you're getting divorced, those opinions about everything are something everyone wants to bestow upon you. Do this. Don't do that. Make sure you absolutely don't do that. Never do that. You must do this. There are experts out there -- experts on you and what you should do. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. And one of the toughest topics out there with steadfast critics is the one about when to introduce your kids to your boyfriend.

Everyone's involved in this decision whether you want them to be or not. Your family. Your kids. The ex. I think it's better to introduce the kids to your boyfriend right away.

And by boyfriend, I don't mean some guy that makes you laugh and you enjoy having a glass of wine with every now and then. I also don't mean the guy you just met online and your first date involves having ice creams at the playground as a pretend family. It kind of has to be this perfect dance of that moment you realize that this guy is something wonderful -- and he thinks you're something amazing -- and the only way to take this whole I think we're falling in love thing to the next level is to introduce him to the kids. Because if that turns out to be a disaster, you can end it sooner. As in right away. Because if the guy cannot mesh with your kids, there should be no meshing with you or your heart or your whole everything.

If you put this off ... for months and months or some imaginary timeline everyone else seems to want to impose on the situation ... you could end up having wasted all those months and months. Critics of my theory, of course, are going to say, But what about the kids? They will see you with some guy and think who is this man mommy is with? What does it all mean?

Depending on the age of your kids, you can handle that. You're a mom. Moms know what's up and how to best handle things of that nature. Besides, it's not like you're saying, "Hi kids! Meet your new daddy!" while you make out with him and then slap his ass. That's not what this is about. At all. It's just a simple meet and greet. A little observation. And the kids get to sniff him out. Because kids are GREAT at that. They are like dogs. They know the good people and the bad people and they will growl at the bad people. Essentially you will know if this is going to work out or not; worth pursuing or not; a good idea to allow yourself to fully fall in love or not.

Some may think it's selfish. But I don't see it that way. Happy mommy equals happy kids. And if there is going to be a new man in their lives who is going to draw them pictures of Spider-Man, teach them how to be Batman, and happily wear a multi-color beaded necklace made by your daughter around his neck even when he's not around your kids, you know you've made the right decision.

Do you think there is a right time to introduce your boyfriend to your kids? Does it have to do with an actual timeline (example months, years) or rather based on emotions?

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167200/why_its_better_to_introduce

The Day I Stopped Falling for Jerks

After years of dating charismatic, brilliant, slightly off-their-rockers men who were never that into her, Laura Fraser learned to quit chasing unavailable guys and embrace real love.

I recently came across a photo of a sexy Brazilian man I had an affair with a few years ago. (OK, I Googled him.) When I saw his sly smile and unruly black hair, I couldn't help thinking that, by comparison, my live-in boyfriend wasn’t quite as darkly seductive or exciting.

I met the Brazilian in line for a film screening while visiting Manhattan from San Francisco. I was convinced I'd found my ideal man: intellectual, witty, artistic, and hot. We spent a passionate week together, and when I left town, I thought I was leaving behind a new long-distance boyfriend—one who, it turned out, didn't like to call or e-mail...ever. I thought our fling was the start of a relationship; he thought it was a fling, period.

Disappointing, but it fit my usual pattern. I would fall for a brilliant guy with an irresistible smile who never quite fell for me but who possessed all the qualities I liked in a man: a sense of humor, certified smarts, smoldering looks. Each time, these men—dashing chefs, moody architects—would give me just enough attention to keep me in their narcissistic orbit. Whether or not they'd ever call was just part of the thrill, always keeping me on edge. Outwardly, I told myself I was having fun and it was just a matter of time before someone wanted to settle down; inside, I started to worry that I wasn’t lovable or exciting enough.

My friends were concerned. Sometime after the Brazilian, a buddy observed, "You need to be the Brazilian in your relationship." By that, she meant I needed a solid guy I could rely on. But was it possible to be stable and exciting? She had a point, but the kind of guy she described sounded so boring I figured I'd be better off getting a dog.

Then I met Peter—or, rather, re-met him. I had known Peter vaguely in college. He'd recently emerged from a divorce and onto a dating site where I'd been lurking. I passed over his profile, which depicted an earnest guy with bright blue-gray eyes wearing an old Guatemalan sweater. But he recognized me, and we started chatting. There were no witty phrases in his e-mails, no sense that he was teetering on that razor's edge between genius and madness.

Unconvinced of his romantic potential, I invited him over for soup, less a date than a get-together with an old friend. From the moment he walked in, I felt like he'd been sitting in my living room forever. I didn't feel compelled to impress him; he seemed to genuinely like my apartment, my books, my soup...and me. We laughed easily and kissed each other good night. Surprisingly, given how kind he was, I didn't want to stop kissing him. The next day, he called to ask when he could see me again—unusual behavior, considering the guys I'd dated.

On our second date, we had a quiet dinner at a bistro. On our third, he told me he was only interested in a committed relationship. I'd never heard a man say such a thing. But even though it was what I'd always said I wanted, the word monogamy sounded a lot like monotonous.

Everything about Peter was steady. He used to own a recording studio and now had a less-exciting gig as a construction manager. He had a cheerful disposition and didn't swear at drivers. He’d raised a considerate daughter who shared his quirky sense of humor. My friends told me I'd totally scored, finding a smart, handsome, 6'4" man who adored me.

By our second month of dating, Peter told me he loved me, that I was beautiful, that he liked my shoes, and that he was the luckiest man in the world to find me. We didn’t always have the pyrotechnic chemistry of a one-night stand, but we had a constant warmth that made me want to cuddle up next to him. At the same time, it made me incredibly anxious: I loved hearing Peter's offbeat observations about music and architecture, watching him rewire the lighting in my apartment, listen- ing to his boyish laugh—but where was that manic streak of irresponsibility I craved? It seemed too easy. I didn’t have to try to pin down an artistic, wandering soul to persuade him to love me, or clamor for his attention. Without that, the romance seemed to lose a certain thrill.

One evening, after one too many drinks, some demon took over my brain and I con- fessed that I thought he was too boring for me. I gave him a long list of all the ways he wasn’t interesting enough: He was always even-tempered. He didn’t come up with crazy ideas, asking me, as other men  had, to take off for Argentina, ride the roller coaster in Santa Cruz, or swallow vision-inducing drugs with a shaman in the Amazon. He was predictable—showing up when he said he would, bringing flowers, picking me up at the airport. Peter looked crushed. "Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, near tears. I hadn't planned on it—inexperienced as I was with intimacy, I thought I was just airing my feelings. Breaking up was the last thing I wanted. I didn't know what I would do without his hugs and gap-toothed smile.

"No," I mumbled, embarrassed and worried that he was going to flee. But Peter pushed back. "Just because I’m not an asshole doesn’t mean I’m boring," he said

"You need to figure out the difference."

Now that was interesting. He left, pissed off, and I ruminated all the next day. Peter was right. When I considered it, most of the charismatic men I'd dated were actually jerks or bad boys, hardly relationship material. They’d subtly reject me but keep me around for fun, playing games where I always ended up the loser. I suppose I’d always been attracted to commitment-phobes because some part of me felt unlovable. It was a lot easier to fall for a guy who I knew, on some level, wouldn’t fall in love with me. There was nothing to risk. The real risk would be to finally be vulnerable to love.

The problem wasn’t that Peter was boring. It was that I was scared to be in a real relationship. Who cared if he didn’t speak three languages? Peter made me deeply happy, not constantly anxious that I wasn’t good enough. His solidity was exactly why, I realized, I loved him so much.

The next day, too scared to call, I texted Peter that I loved him, too. He came over and crowed about it, then insisted I tell him out loud. Now I say it all the time. And the more he feels secure, the more he’s game for new adventures: going to Patagonia and Mexico, hosting parties, learning to ski. These days, I feel silly for not realizing a long time ago what I needed: someone I could trust with my heart. 

And that beats a sexy Brazilian any day.

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/the-day-i-stopped-falling-for-jerks