How many times have you heard a single woman say, “There just aren’t any good men, are there?” or “Why is it impossible to meet a great guy?” or “Where can I find an eligible man I want to date?”
All of these questions are founded on the myth that wonderful, loving, attractive, SINGLE men are in short supply, as if they were an endangered species.
The truth is this: there ARE good men out there, you CAN meet a great guy and the men are EVERYWHERE. Really, I am not just making this up. Good men can be found on the major online dating sites, in bookstores, on tennis courts, at Starbucks, in line at the grocery store, and yes, even in churches.
So, at the risk of getting all “woo-woo” and cosmic, maybe you are asking the wrong question. Instead of lamenting the lack of great men, maybe the question you should be asking is, “How can I attract my soulmate into my life?”
Back in my Middle-Aged Babe Magnet days, the best dating advice I ever received came from a happily married friend who had met his wife after a messy divorce and several years of unfulfilled dating. He told me that he got tired of dating women who weren’t quite right for him for one reason or another. “I kept attracting the wrong kind of women,” he said. “After a while, I realized that the one thing in common with all of these not-so-great relationships was ME.”
That’s when he decided to step back from the dating world and do a little work on himself. He joined a health club and he lost weight. He joined a book club at a local community center and he started to feed his mind. He dusted off his old guitar and started to take lessons again.
In the terminology that my mother used to use, he became a better “catch.” He became more three dimensional and more interesting and more self-fulfilled. He became more comfortable in his own skin. He became the best version of himself that he could.
Keep in mind that he didn’t do all of this to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex. He did it so that he would have a better life. But, of course, the result of his “life makeover” was that he became VERY attractive to women. And he attracted exactly the woman that he of dreamed of, because now he was READY for her.
A similar thing happened to me. After dating for a couple of years and not finding “The One,” I decided to let my online dating membership expire and let fate take its course. I decided to turn over the matchmaking process to the Universe and learn to enjoy my life—with or without a mate. I realized I had been trying too hard, and it was time for me to let go.
I’ll bet you can guess the end of this story. As soon as I decided to relax and enjoy the flow of my life, I met the wonderful woman who has recently become my wife.
There really is a Zen to finding love. So if all of your efforts to find “The One” aren’t working for you, take a break from the search. Do a little self-work, and become the person to whom your soulmate will be attracted.
When the time is right and when you are ready, he will find you.
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