Can't find the perfect partner? Perhaps your standards are too high.
There's nothing wrong with standards. In fact, we should all have them. Everyone has a limit to what he, or she, will and won't accept in the love stakes. But in this day and age of entitlement, girl-power and skyscraper self-esteem, have we raised the "perfect partner" bar so high there's nobody good enough to settle down with? Have you become too picky when it comes to finding a mate? Well, if your perfect partner checklist looks more like a shopping list, or you find yourself regularly saying, "I just haven't met the one ... " yet you have been steadily dating for 15 years, it could be you have become a tad fussy, and sadly, are missing out on love. The good news is you can learn to be less picky by compromising on what you think you want so you can get what you really need. Here's how:
She's too picky: I can't respect a man that earns less than me
Most women want men who are more successful than they are. But, if you're at the top of your game, look around. There may not be too many men to choose from up there. You need to be flexible. When you let go of rigid beliefs and fantasies about your ideal partner you increase your chances of meeting someone. Making smart compromises doesn't mean you're settling for less (which won't make for a happy relationship anyway). It's about getting rid of superficial criteria that are unimportant. If you connect, have similar values and shared interests, what does it matter if a man earns less than you? The key to a happy relationship is balance and your ability to complement each other. A man who is less intense and has more time to devote to a relationship might be more suitable than a high-powered professional.
She's too picky: There's a connection but no chemistry
Beware, hormones can make you (1) go for the wrong guy, and (2) let the right guy go. When you're love-struck it's almost impossible to determine whether you're compatible, if he's selfish or unreliable or if you have anything beyond sex in common. Make sure you don't stop seeing someone just because there isn't lots of passion up front. You may find, after a few dates, you enjoy being with a man who has a great sense of humor and makes you feel totally accepted. As you get to know him and begin to appreciate qualities that make for a good long-term partnership, such as generosity, stability and dependability, true love and attraction may grow.
She's too picky: I want a man that can talk about "feelings"
If your idea of the perfect partner is a successful, good-looking alpha male then the chances are he's not going to be big on self-disclosure, micro-analysing your feelings and deep communication. You can't expect a date to be like a night out with the girls, or your gay friends. Instead be realistic and compromise on your wants. You may want deep and meaningfuls, but what you're really looking for is a partner who is confident and competent who can take the initiative, discuss the future with you and how you're going to get there. Don't expect one person to meet all your needs. You don't even expect that of your girlfriends.
He's too picky: she has to have a great body
If you look for the negatives you will find them, so start from a place of optimism. Overlook the superficial things that aren't going to matter five, 10, 15 years down the road. Let's face it, none of us will be winning beauty contests 20 years from now. Zero in on the non-negotiables: qualities that make for good partnership material. Don't you want someone easygoing, warm and who doesn't try to change you? Of course you do.
He's too picky: I have a vague idea of what i want in a woman. I just haven't found her yet
Forget about looking over your shoulder for the perfect woman. She only exists in your imagination and in between the covers of men's magazines. Instead, get realistic or you could end up losing the person you have who is just as good, if not better, than the one you think is out there waiting for you.
He's too picky: I need someone who can keep up with me socially
It's impossible to have a long-term relationship when you have high expectations and rigid beliefs. If you're dating someone, and you're really enjoying their company, think big-picture. Are dinner parties and witty social banter really going to be big on your agenda when you're married with kids? Or is someone you click with going to be of more value?
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