4 Ways to Have Amazing Make-Up Sex Without the Fight

4 Ways to Have Amazing Make-Up

Sex Without the Fight

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Arguing can be an aphrodisiac, but it's also a bummer. Here's how to get the passion minus the screaming (the bad kind, anyway).

Walking home after dinner one night, my fiancé, Christopher, and I started debating the location for our wedding ceremony. After going several blocks without an agreement, he proclaimed, "Look, I'd be happy marrying you on a pile of dirt." That stopped me right in my tracks. I should have focused on the sweetness of his sentiment — that all he cared about was our commitment to each other, so it didn't matter where we said our "I-dos" — but that was lost on me. Instead, all I heard was "Our wedding means so little to me that it would be fine to have it in a mud puddle." All I could say was "Are you [bleeping] serious?!" We walked the rest of the way home in silence.

But a funny thing happened when we got there. Perched in our bed, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees while he paced the room, I broke the chilly standoff. I started to cry. "I just want to feel like we're on the same team again," I said. He softened. "Me too, babe." We started touching tenderly, like we hadn't seen each other in months. Clothes hit the floor, and you can guess what followed. It was one of the most passionate and frenzied encounters we've ever had. We weren't just having sex, we were making up … and it was hot.

Make-up sex is legendary for being spicy. Psychologist Seth Meyers (not to be confused with the SNL cutie), PsyD, says it's because couples "hunger to switch gears from the negative emotions that come with fighting to the opposite end of the spectrum." Basically, they want to feel the warm high that comes with making up. That high can be so good, people will seek out arguments to get to the make-up sex — we've all met (or heard) those couples, at least the ones who duke it out in public. But there must be a way to experience the ecstasy of make-up sex without the shake-up beforehand, right? Here, tips from experts and real women on how to fan the flames of passion without lighting any dangerous fires first.

1. Get Your Blood Pumping

First, you have to find a way to spike your adrenaline without spiking your dishes on the kitchen floor. Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and coauthor of The Getaway Guide to the Great Sex Weekend, says to "do something exciting together, and the sex you have afterward will be life affirming." Yes, she means daredevil activities like skydiving or bungee jumping, but a roller-coaster ride together will also do the trick. You'll still get to yell at the top of your lungs, just not at your boo. Not an adrenaline junkie? Simply going for a run together works too. You'll get all red in the face but only in the best way.

2. Ditch Each Other

A postfight romp is a reunion of sorts — you're coming together after being emotionally distant, right? So instead of arguing, try planning physical time apart. Hollie S., 25, has mastered this trick. "I look forward to solo trips because I get to do something I really enjoy, plus my husband and I really get to miss each other, which leads to hotter sex when we get our hands on each other again," she says. Aaron Ben-Ze'ev, PhD, author of In the Name of Love, agrees. "In a flourishing relationship, the importance of personal space cannot be exaggerated." So plan a weekend getaway with friends, pronto.

3. Inspire Some Harmless Competition

You know how hot you feel when you're dressed up and turning a few strangers' heads in a bar? Ari B., 34, suggests tapping into that emotion and "going out and getting attention from someone else. Showing him you're in demand with others is a foolproof way to instigate some jealousy and motivate him to win you over again," she says. Plus, flirtation with a stranger can cause your man to see you with new eyes. Recently, Ari's husband got turned on when a woman flirted with her at a party. "She was actually straight. She just wanted to have fun and complimented my curves," Ari says. "He thought it was hot that a woman was attracted to me, and it reminded him that he faces competition from all genders, which made the sex that night super hot."

4. Ready Your Imaginary Boxing Gloves

When all else fails, play-fight! Myriad M., 30, suggests staging a make-believe tiff about something trivial that doesn't really matter to either of you, like who's the better twerker. "Pick sides, and fight to win!" she says. It doesn't hurt to get physical either. Playfully lob a pillow his way, or tackle him onto the bed. There's nothing like a wrestling match to arouse some playful feelings of competition … and, ahem, some other types of feelings too.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/have-make-up-sex-without-the-fight

How To Stop Thinking You’ll Be Alone Forever

 Forever is an incredibly long time. I think, apart from our own company – nothing in our lives really lasts forever. But when we’re looking for a partner and not succeeding, and we feel we’ve been single for way too long (Months? Years? – definition of “a long time” can be very subjective), that horrible thought almost inevitably creeps in: ‘Will I ever find someone? What if I stay alone forever?’

I could bet you right here right now for any amount – you won’t stay single forever, unless you really want to. And if you could step away from the fear, you would know, deep down – it’s very unlikely you’ll stay alone for the next 10 or 60 years of your life. Maybe a few max. Two or three. If you are actively looking, it will very rarely be much longer.

I know it’s hard to listen to the voice of reason when emotions are shouting louder. And that’s fine. We’ve all been there. I’ve been there – there were periods of my singleness which – of course – never lasted longer than those few years, but there and then they sure seemed like they will go just go on and on… forever. Desperation takes over easily when you feel you’re trying so hard and nothing is happening.

I can’t tell you when you’ll meet your next long-term partner – but I can give you a few tips to manage that fear better. I do believe it’s the anxiety of not knowing “how long” that creates most of the singleness-misery, not the actual wait itself. If you knew the exact date in the future when you’ll meet your match, you’d probably feel pretty OK about your life right now. Am I right?

But since neither of us knows that, let’s see what else we can do… while we’re waiting.

Step one – change your thoughts: do a reality check. What grounds you have to believe you will stay single? Think about your life 5 or 10 years back. All the big things that happened in that period. Were you single all the time? Most likely no. Most likely A LOT happened in your life in 2 years, let alone 10. Jobs, schools, places, friends, partners – all change. Even faster than we sometimes want them to. So if all those things happened then, why wouldn’t they happen in the next 10 years of your life? Where’s the proof that everything will stay as is? I dare you find one.

Another reality check: if you see a lot of people around you settling down, that doesn’t mean everyone but you is hooking up, you are just noticing those people more. Try looking for single people instead – in real life, in media, anywhere you can spot them. Count them against the ones who are not. Do that for at least few weeks, or until you have enough evidence that the world is not comprised only of couples. Especially not happy couples. Yes, people in couples are not necessarily happier than you either. (But that’s a whole other topic… for another post.)

Step two – change your life: put the rest of your life under control, as much as you can. That will make you feel less hopeless and helpless. If you get what you want in other areas of life, you will feel more confident you can do it in your love life as well.

Focus on doing more things you love and enjoy. If you are unhappy in your job – look for one that will make you feel better. If you want to lose some extra weight – go ahead, make a plan and lose it. If you are passionate about any sports/art/craft/music/hobby – do it. Take classes. Enjoy your time. Enjoy your life. Make your single days count.

The more you feel you are in control of your life – the happier you feel, the better you look, the more you smile, the more fun you have. More moments of genuine bliss. Less time to pity yourself for being single. And you’re not putting your life on hold while he or she arrives.

As you do that, you’ll start attracting a much more interesting bunch of people in your life. And yes, that includes potential partners too. People get drawn to your energy, liveliness, your confidence, your spark. When you feel you are in the right place, and you believe love can happen for you: the right partner will come, without a doubt.

LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS

Are you afraid you’ll stay single? Please share why you think this way. Thank you!

http://petralovecoach.com/2013/05/28/how-to-stop-thinking-youll-be-alone-forever/

Six Lies People Tell You About Being Single

When searching for love, it feels like you can't win. You're told that to find a good relationship, you should first be happy alone. But if you are content solo, then you're "too independent." So you admit that being single can be lonely…and are informed that you reek of desperation!

Before I met my husband, Mark, my single friends and I would talk about the many theories our loved ones offered up about why we hadn't found someone. They meant well, but now I know they were just plain wrong (I wasn't afraid of commitment; I just hadn't found the right guy!). I talked to so many women about the clueless feedback they hear that I was inspired to write a book—It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single. Here, why the top "reasons" for why you're single are a bunch of bunk.

1. "You're Too Intimidating/Independent"

For years, people told Suzanne that her confidence and professional success made her intimidating. No, she wasn't the CEO of a multinational company—she was a communications consultant who owned a house and a couple of cars. She happened to enjoy the occasional dinner alone at a sushi restaurant.

"My male friends told me my life could scare men away, because where is there room for them? They said I needed to look more vulnerable. I didn't know what that looked like. How do you show someone there is room for them without also coming off as weak and needy?" she says. That's the problem, isn't it? Just when you start getting your act together—hitting your stride in your career, creating a nice home for yourself and a strong network of friends and family—someone invariably comes along to tell you that everything you've built will actually harm your chance of finding love.

Suzanne knew her friends had her best interests in mind, so when a new boyfriend acted wistful about his more passive ex-girlfriends, she decided to do an experiment. On a bowling night with friends, she decided to be his kind of girl—asking for lots of advice, including whether she should get a hot dog or a burger. "I kept getting gutter balls. He responded really well to that," she says. One female friend commented that she thought Suzanne's boyfriend was good for her because she was more vulnerable with him. "I remember thinking, 'So this is what I have to do? I don't know if I can sustain this,'" Suzanne says.

That's the first problem with advice that tells you to be someone you're not—even if it temporarily appeases the other person, it's not going to make you happy. But the bigger problem is that this idea that having a spine and a brain will hurt your chance of finding love is baloney. The truth is, women with college degrees and higher incomes are actually just as likely to marry as their less accomplished peers. They're also less likely to divorce.

Sure, there are wimps who can't deal with a woman who can fix a leaky faucet or buy her own house, but that's not all men. Instead of trying to squash your spirit to please some insecure dude, why not wait for a guy who has the cojones to cheer when you get a promotion or bowl a strike? That's what Suzanne did, and she's now happily married to a man with the confidence to let her pick her own damn sandwich.

WHAT TO SAY BACK

"I didn't realize so many guys were such delicate flowers! I think I'll hold out for one who's man enough to date me."

2. "You're Too Picky"

When I asked women what their friends and family said about why they were alone, this was the overwhelming favorite. It's a nice fail-safe, since it's pretty hard to prove wrong. If he was rude to the waitress last night, maybe he was having a bad day. "Give him another chance!" is the cry of the reasonable.

My single friends and I would puzzle over this: Were our standards too exacting? None of us had salary requirements. We weren't looking for men to support us, although they did need to be able to support themselves. In fact, the only standard that truly mattered to any woman I knew was the one articulated by my friend Caitlin. "I want to find a guy who is as sweet and surprising as my friends are but who I also want to make out with," she said. I have yet to meet a happily coupled person whose significant other fails to clear this bar.

Caitlin did indeed find a guy like this, and they've been happily married for years. But when we were single, this attitude made us nuts— "Are you sure? Why not just go on one more date?"

Here's what we failed to see: Our friends weren't trying to make us feel bad. After all, accusing a single person of being too selective is a compliment in a way. It assumes that scads of people want to be with you.

Plus, there is a reason we got so much feedback. We asked for it…or complained enough that our friends felt compelled to cough up some sort of wisdom. The solution: Stop talking about it. Relying on your own judgment rather than a survey of your 12 closest friends is liberating. You don't have to justify not going on that third OkCupid date if no one knows about the first one.

WHAT TO SAY BACK

"I'm choosing a life partner, not a couch."

3. "You Don't Know How to Play the Game"

The media treats dating like a cosmic tennis match—one in which women are always cast as the losers. Single men, meanwhile, are the great victors, feasting on their many dating options, reveling in their bachelor freedom, getting all that milk for free.

Because of this, there's a tendency for a girl to be on defense. He postponed a dinner date? Failed to call at the appointed time? Then, sister, you are outta there! To win at love, women must put themselves on a pedestal—demanding free dinners and accepting only dates booked far in advance.

Lost in all this defensive dating is the fact that men and women are both looking for the same thing: a partner in this confusing life. So how do you know if you're making excuses for a douche bag or being overly harsh about a guy who's just a little forgetful?

For me, the best guide was How does he make you feel? Was that thoughtless remark a fluke from a guy who's genuinely into you or does it set off alarm bells? Anyway, maybe you will misjudge a guy who turns out to be a rat. But instead of arming yourself with commandments about what you won't accept, isn't it braver to date knowing you could get hurt but you will survive?

WHAT TO SAY BACK

"That's because it's not a sport to me—I'm looking for a boyfriend, not a trophy."

4. "You Should Have Married That Guy"

When Julia broke up with Joe, her mom and sister told her she expected too much from relationships. Julia agreed with them that Joe was a great guy. That's why she had spent two years with him—she wanted it to work. But she also didn't feel a spark, and she refused to settle.

Isn't it funny? At the same time women are expected to be superhuman—nailing the perfect balance of sexy yet modest, independent yet vulnerable—we're also supposed to be grateful for any scrap of male attention that comes our way. So what if he's dull in bed? You can't have it all!

Julia worried her standards were too high…until she met Matt, who confirmed that "I wasn't crazy. I knew what this would feel like and was holding out for it!" she says.

Laurie, a TV exec, admits she was pretty exacting: Her future boyfriend would have to love the arts, not be religious, and live in Manhattan. Then she met a hilarious man named Dave—a Christian who lived in the suburbs and couldn't care less about museums. They've been married for 10 years. Did she settle? "Absolutely not! I feel lucky," she says. Laurie's list was off, but her instincts weren't. She finds Dave smart and attractive, and he treats her like the most desirable woman in the world. Who cares if he doesn't dig the symphony? So how do you know if you're settling? Easy. You're settling if you thinkyou're settling.

WHAT TO SAY BACK

"I decided that years of quiet desperation followed by divorce just wasn't for me."

5. "You're Too Available"

Rose's relationships typically didn't last long. Apart from one three-year romance, most lasted only three to six months. She often asked her married friends for advice.

The diagnosis? "That I was caring too much, trying too hard, and not playing hard to get," says Rose. This is classic dating-guide advice: If you love someone, don't you dare let him know. Keep him guessing, because men love the hunt.

This idea is presented as empowering—appear so confident that you're invulnerable to his opinion. There is a kernel of wisdom in there: Don't let another person determine your worth. But in telling women to act like unavailable ice queens, the message is: Hide your true feelings, because if he sees how you really feel, he will leave. How is that supposed to make you feel confident?

Bitchiness is false confidence. Making someone feel insecure, withholding kindness—this is not how truly confident people behave. Think about the most self-assured people you know. Are they inconsiderate? Do they try to make you feel small? And think about yourself when you've gotten a promotion or a great compliment. Does this wellspring of self-worth make you aloof or are you more likely to say, "You look fantastic!"?

For all of Rose's self-doubt, she also had a small but fierce instinct that one day she'd meet someone who wouldn't need to be manipulated into liking her. She was right. She's now married to a man who adores her…and the fact that she's not afraid to express her feelings. Can you prolong a relationship with an ambivalent dipshit by withholding your affection? Possibly. But why would you want to?

WHAT TO SAY BACK

"I'm a person, not reservations at a hot restaurant. I'm pretty sure there's a guy out there who's smart enough to know the difference."

6. "You Have Issues"

Are you commitmentphobic? Afraid of intimacy? Too close to your father? Not close enough? If you're a single woman who would rather not be single, the pathologies you're accused of are endless.

There's nothing wrong with working through your issues. If you want to conquer your fear of heights, go for it! The problem arises when you try to eradicate your hang-ups as a prerequisite to finding a relationship. Let's face it: If everyone had to shed their psychological baggage before finding a partner, there would be a lot more unattached people in the world. As I'm sure many of your partnered friends demonstrate, it's very possible to be in a happy relationship even if you get anxious at parties or hate your thighs.

Sure, there are those whose emotional issues—from garden-variety intimacy fears to full-blown personality disorders—prevent them from being in committed relationships. The problem is, this pat conclusion has been lobbed at all singles seeking love.

Think about it this way: What if your only issue is the belief that you have issues and that they're keeping you from a relationship? What if you stopped defining yourself as someone with a bad-boy addiction or low self-esteem? What if you instead saw yourself as a flawed but lovable human being? What if the only reason you're alone is because you just haven't met the right partner yet?

WHAT TO SAY BACK

"And you don't?"

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/six-common-reasons-why-youre-single

11 Flirting Fails Made By All Twentysomethings

Somewhere in between pushing each other on the schoolyard and starting a joint bank account, there's us, mostly drunk-texting with no idea what we are doing. We've all been guilty of giving or getting one of these doozies.

1. Relying on alcohol as a mating/dating technique. Yes, after that magic first kiss with a crush after a few glasses of champagne, it occurs to us that drinking makes dating more ~*~mAgiCaL.~**~ Cut to three years later, when you are on the worst, most uncomfortable online date of all time, and wind up sleeping with the guy because you’re shitfaced.

 

2. Negging as a pickup technique. There is a (hopefully) small window of time in the lives of many twentysomethings during which they’re attracted to people who, subtly or less subtly, make them feel worthless. Dude, walking up to a girl you think is pretty and telling her her ass looks big in those pants doesn’t make you Don Draper.

3. Only communicating via text when not in person. You know. Text messages. Which seem angry if you do something as insignificant as put a period on the end of them. Using a tonally-ambiguous, hard-to-analyze form of communication from the start of your relationship is a great idea for establishing mutual trust! And it certainly will not make at least one party want to toss their iPhone in an active volcano!

 

4. Cutting down people of the same sex (i.e. your "competition") in order to win your crush over. "You know Alison, right? Don’t you think she dresses weird? And her teeth are crooked? Haha. Anyway, you’re super-attracted to me now that I cut another girl down, right?" Nope, you just look like a dickhead.

5. Incestuous clique dating. Just because it worked out on Friends doesn't mean it'll work out for you

. 

You go in expecting the kind of adorbs makeups and breakups that will only keep the group apart temporarily, and next thing you know you’re crouching under a table hiding from your ex and his new girlfriend, who happens to be your friend, and by the way, you’re dating your ex’s brother, and can someone please bring you a stiff drink under this table?

6. Flirting with a friend’s current or ex-boyfriend. Current: Under no circumstances. Past: Only with express permission. Otherwise:  

7. Getting stuck in a messaging back-and-forth on a dating site. In the swamp of online dating there lurk certain men, like the most boring alligators of all time, who strike up conversations with you and never ask you out. They are a time-suck. Many people write “three message limit” on their profiles to avoid these people; I suggest you do too. Or else:

 

8. Early terms of endearment or early touching. Being the giver or the getter of a premature "Baby" or waist-touch mid-conversation is the actual worst.  

9. Asking zero questions about the person you’re on a date with.

 Way to go, Selfish.

10. Talking about your ex.

Especially in that obsessive, negative way that means part of the person still is not over him/her.

11. Drunk texting. Drunk texting. Drunk texting.

 

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/twentysomething-flirting-fails

3 Reasons He Didn't Call You Back

Adapted from the new book Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They REALLY Thought About You After Your Date by Rachel Greenwald

It's the new riddle of the Sphinx: “Why didn’t he call me back?” You have a great first date with a promising guy. You think it went well and expect to see him again… but then poof! He vanishes inexplicably. You sit around with your girlfriends and debate why he didn’t call you back. What happened in between “I’ll pick you up at 8pm” and “poof?” You speculate, you obsess, you rationalize, you justify. You want to know why. When your friends tell you, “It’s not you, it’s him,” you want to know if they’re trying to be nice or telling you the truth.

Guess what? There is someone who does know the truth about what really happened on your date. But it’s not you. It’s not your friends. And it’s certainly not your mother. It’s the guy you went out with. So I decided to ask him for you! In fact, I asked 1,000 “hims.” During the past ten years as a dating coach and matchmaker, I conducted “exit interviews” with 1,000 single guys to find out why you never heard from him again after a date, or after he flirted with you online or at a party. And I got some real answers. It turns out there are clear, consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then disappear. Sure, sometimes the issue is all his—who hasn’t gone out occasionally with a real jerk? But it turns out that many times we’re sending out signals we might not be aware of. And the good news is that most of these signals are easy to fine-tune.

Men essentially confessed that when they first meet you, they have several “female stereotypes” floating around in their mind. They quickly try to peg which stereotype you are and then look for evidence to back up their hunch. You know who you are deep down, but he doesn’t yet. So he will decide whether to call you again based on his perception of you, not the reality. In the early stage of dating, perception is reality. Here are three of the most common reasons men revealed why they aren’t calling women back (get the other 7 reasons - and what you can do about all of them - in my new book).

Reason #1: The Boss Lady
His perception: He’d rather hire you than date you. He perceives you as argumentative, controlling, overly independent, and not feminine or warm. While you think he’s intimidated by your success, he’s thinks you have a prickly attitude and imagines that snuggling with you is like hugging a porcupine in a pin-striped business suit!

Your reality: You’re confident, forthright and successful, but he can’t yet see those great qualities behind your tough demeanor. Try showing your warm, sensitive side first by talking about your adorable nephew or your volunteer work at the animal rescue shelter. And definitely change clothes after work into a flirty skirt instead of staying in that power business suit.

Reason #2: The Park Avenue Princess
His perception: You’re looking for a “Perfect 10”: the guy’s who’s a 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank. He thinks you’re high maintenance, superficial, or a gold-digger.

Your reality:You can take care of yourself. You enjoy spending what you make. Maybe you’re interested in a nice lifestyle, though it’s not your only priority. But he’s jaded by all the gold-diggers he dated before you (you’re guilty until proven innocent). So instead of asking him “What’s your favorite hotel in St. Bart’s?” you should ask “What’s your favorite little neighborhood café?” When the waiter inquires whether you’d like tap or bottled, don’t order the Evian; one glass of city water (almost) never killed anyone! {Tip: squeeze a little lemon in your glass…}

Reason #3: The Sadie Hawkins
His perception: You’re pursuing him. You sent him a thank-you email after your date, and immediately he knew you liked him. He may even think you’re a little desperate. Deep down, he feels deflated because when he likes a woman, he’d rather do the chasing.

Your reality: That thank-you email was a show of good manners, not a subtle hint for him to ask you out again. At work you’re rewarded for taking initiative, but with guys you have to let them reach out first. Don’t say, “Let’s do this again sometime”—that’s his line. This is one time in your empowered, take-charge life when you have to sit back and wait after a first date—do absolutely nothing to follow-up (don’t even check to see if he’s logged into his online dating profile). He’s a big boy and knows how to contact you if he’s interested.

I truly believe it’s not that “good” guys don’t exist, but rather that simple (mis)perceptions—which can be easily tweaked once you’re aware of them—are standing in Cupid’s way. Which stereotype do you think men might be labeling you? 

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/why-he-didnt-call?click=rel

Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40

Is your profile withering away online? Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? If so, you are likely making at least one of the mistakes commonly made by women over 40 who are using online dating as their new discos. (Really…where do you meet men these days?)

Unfortunately, all it takes is one major profile mistake to potentially sabotage any chance of finding love — or even a few good dates. Because, let’s face it, the odds are not in our favor, ladies. As we get older the man-to-woman ratio moves more and more lopsided. Some statistics show that for every man over 50, there are up to 5 women; over 60, ten women, and so on. Ugh! The days of sitting back and waiting for anything incoming are over. If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, it pays to create the best possible profile and keep it polished and shiny. Because if it doesn’t catch his interest right away, it only takes a single click for him to find one that does.

The good news is that unlike a lot of things in life, your profile is easy to change and update. And once you know how it is inadvertently turning off the men who are looking for a positive, fun connection, it’s really not that difficult. Here are the top five profile mistakes common to women over 40, along with specific tips to make your profile more appealing and reflective of the best you.

1) It’s a shopping list. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list. Once you’ve hit your 40s and beyond, you kind of know what works for you and what doesn’t. Many women use their profile as a list of their likes and dislikes. That can be a turn-off. The purpose of your profile is to market you. If you do a good job describing yourself and painting a picture of what it feels like to be in a relationship with you, it will attract the right men and repel the wrong ones. So focus more on what you have to offer, and less on what they can do for you. I guarantee you’ll see the immediate payoff in the quality of men you attract.

2) It’s too needy. Here are some statements I see every day in women’s profiles: “I’ve waited so long for the right relationship and I hope it’s finally my time.” “I’m ready to be his everything.” “I’m looking for a relationship where we are totally devoted to each other.” While some of this may be true for you, it’s not something to put in a profile. The man reads this as you having incredibly high expectations and reliance on your relationship for your happiness. Remember, he doesn’t even know you. If you wouldn’t say it on your first date, don’t write it in your profile.

3) It’s not needy enough. Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are particularly guilty of this. After all, you’ve probably accomplished a lot in your life without a man and are prepared to continue doing so. Be careful not to sound like there is no room in your life for a relationship. It often goes something like this: “I spend my days as a busy lawyer and my evenings teaching courses at the local college. Many weekends are spent training for my next marathon and singing in my church choir.” Whew!  You can go on to say that you look forward to a relationship, but really…where can a man possibly see time for himself in that picture? Also, avoid these statements: “I don’t need a man, but it would be nice to have one in my life.” Or, “I’ve been fine all these years without a man but I’ll make room for the right one .” Men, just like women, don’t want to feel like an accessory in someone else’s life. They especially need to feel needed and like an important contributor to your life. If you make it sound like you can take it or leave it, they are likely to help you leave it.

4) It’s too boring. “I love spending time with my friends, volunteering and reading novels.” When a man reads this his eyes glaze over and he moves on to the next profile. It’s too generic, common and, frankly says nothing about you that’s interesting. Instead, be more specific and paint a picture for him. Such as, “A great evening for me is trying out the newest ethnic food restaurant with a few good friends and disagreeing about the controversial exhibit at the art museum.” Or, “Sunday mornings you’ll find me at the SPCA walking dogs and then off to my favorite breakfast joint for their fresh brewed coffee and chile relleno. I like mine extra spicy.” (Okay, doesn’t hurt to flirt a little.)

5) You sound like a Debbie Downer. Does your profile sound like someone who likes to have a good time? Don’t be negative or too serious. “I’ve tried online dating before and it didn’t work, but I’m trying it again.” Or “I’ve had a lot of challenges and hardships over the last 20 years and now I’m ready for a change.” Or “I’ve devoted my life to my children and caring for my elderly parents…now it’s my turn.” Again, this all may be true, but it’s important to let your prospective match know that spending time with you will be enjoyable…otherwise why would they want to contact you? When was the last time you read a man’s profile and thought “Wow, he sounds like he really needs me to cheer him up…I definitely want to meet him!” Spend your initial time letting him know how you relax and enjoy yourself and how being with you will add positively to both of your lives. You can roll out the “heavy” information as you get to know each other.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/five-big-online-dating-profile-mistakes-made-by-women-over-40/#.UqufEfRdXnc

6 Online Dating Profile Red Flags

From bad spelling to sketchy pictures on online dating profiles, lots of things will cause us to raise an eyebrow and proceed with caution—but there are a few red flags that have us scrambling to click the little X. We asked members of Marie Claire Ask & Answer — Marie Claire's online Q&A community for relationship, sex, and dating advice — for the online dating profile mistakes that have them running in the other direction. Here's what they said: 

RED FLAG: Appearing sex-crazed."When guys emphasize they are looking for a woman that enjoys "intimacy," they mean, but don't have the honesty to say, sex," warns 1loohoo. Wanting sex isn't anything new—so don't panic that you'll never get laid if you don't pepper your profile full of sexual innuendo. Suggestive jokes can be funny and endearing once someone gets to know your personality a little, even on a first date...but before you've even had an email exchange, it just comes off as a little desperate and creepy.

RED FLAG: Cliché statements.Clichés like "... likes long walks on the beach, going to movies, etc." are red flags, says two469. Who doesn't like going to movies? There are tons of regular, nice-enough people out there—but that's not enough to get you a date. You don't need to fly planes or travel to fascinating places in your spare time to stand out—just get specific. Instead of saying you like to read, talk about your favorite genre. Instead of just saying you like action movies, also 'fess up to your guilty-pleasure TV show. Whether or not your date shares your hobbies, you'll appear interesting. 7zebras agrees, saying "I absolutely hate when a girl says they are up for anything. That means that they are incredibly boring and are not passionate or into anything. They are willing to try stuff but only when someone else leads them too it...Boring!"

RED FLAG: Claims of being young at heart.two469 says statements like "... have the heart and spirit of a seventeen year old." send her running. Why? It screams "Peter Pan complex." Let your silly side and sense of humor show in your profile without making direct statements about your mental age—it's a tip-off that you don't have your life together and will be a disaster to date.

RED FLAG: Non-solo photos."Photos with someone else who's WAY more attractive standing alongside" are a dealbreaker for chesterdad. Would you send a potential employer your more-qualified friend's resume along with yours? No. Don't do the equivalent on a dating site. You're advertising yourself, not your hot friend.
RED FLAG: Airing your dirty laundry. wudaddy is skeptical of "Those that say they're looking for a "real" person," saying "They themselves are usually fake." In fact, these sentences usually directly proceed what wudaddy refers to as "Several paragraphs worth of rants because of past failed dates/relationships." Statements like these are a red flag because they act as a flashing BURNED AND BITTER sign. We all have baggage—but if you're not over your last relationship, wait until you are before you start dating again, online or off.

RED FLAG: Your own red flag checklist."When she starts going off the deep end about her laundry lists of what is bad, the red flags go off and I think PSYCHO and run," pizzatroll says. Keep your own personal red flag checklist in mind...and off your profile. A checklist, especially one of "don't wants" rather than "wants" makes you seem demanding—in a bad way—and will scare off any potential matches.

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/online-dating-red-flags