You Had Me At 'Hello' (and other hot lines)

"Don’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." – Notting Hill

"Love is a promise; love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear." – John Lennon

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry." - Love Story

"Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime." – Bette Davis

“The heart is an organ of fire” – The English Patient

"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that." – Woody Allen

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please?” – The Notebook

"As long as you know most men are like children, you know everything." – Coco Chanel

"The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends." – Gwyneth Paltrow

“Rose, you're no picnic, all right? You're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you're the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman that I've ever known...” - Titanic

"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." – Alfred Lord Tennyson

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." – Marilyn Monroe

“You had me at ‘hello’.” – Jerry Maguire

"Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few." – Author Unknown

"I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I’ve only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... I really feel... In short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version... In the words of David Cassidy in fact - while he was still with the Partridge family – umm ‘I think I love you,’ and I... I just wondered by any chance you wouldn’t like to... No, no, no of course not... I’m an idiot, he’s not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, er, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on..." - Four Weddings And A Funeral

“No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” – Gone With The Wind

"He doesn't love you. But I love you. I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even when I hold you in my arms." - A Room With A View

http://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/famous-love-quotes-

The 5 Rules of Pulling off a Perfect PDA

It was once about as socially acceptable as an ASBO - but not this award season. Forget bobs and monochrome, the biggest trend to emerge so far is snogging your man.

For way too long the public display of affection has been seen as a vom face-inducing crime. Such a sin it was even given it’s own acronym: ‘PDA’ - something usually reserved for bonafide law-breaking behaviour, like an ASBO, or DUI. But in the same way she made being clumsy cool and watching Honey Boo Boo totally fine, all hail queen Jennifer Lawrence for making the PDA cool this awards season. As she proudly kissed in her boyfriend Nicholas Hoult before collecting her Best Supporting Actress award, we breathed a sigh of relief finally we too could express affection openly in public for the objects of our desire. Hell even the usually boringly private Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow were at it last week. So embrace the trend by embracing your man. Just be sure to follow our new rules: 

1. Don’t do it half-arsed. If if you want to congratulate your partner for doing well at work / looking ridiculously hot / simply being wise enough to go out with your fine ass then go big. Don’t give a half-arsed mum-to-son peck on the cheek – from an audience perspective that is actually more nauseating. Because let’s face it if you HAVE to see a couple swap saliva you want to feel like it’s at least worth it for the two people involved

2.  Be spontaneous. There was nothing contrived about JLaw and Nicholas Hoult’s PDA moment. He mouthed ‘Way to go baby’ and she mouthed a big smacker on his lips. Just because people are around doesn’t make you any less proud / in love with your other person so why the hell not?

3. Laugh at yourselves. Exhibit Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin at a charity gala at the weekend. They giggled non-stop as they canoodled together at the table. Keep it fun and smiley and avoid intense staring into one another’s eyes to a Drake song, save THAT for behind closed doors.

4. Keep it real. This new dawn is absolutely NO excuse to start PDAing all over your loved one’s Facebook / Twitter timeline. The whole point of the all new J-Law trademarked PDA is that it derives from a genuine moment of love where you just HAVE to act on your urge. Waxing on about how this person completes you is not acceptable sorry. At the very least until Jennifer Lawrence tweets about her love for Nicholas Hoult, AVOID.

5. Keep it brief. If it’s getting to the point that you can feel people throwing condoms at you, stop. Lee Ryan and Jasmine Waltz in the Celebrity Big Brother house we’re looking at you and whilst their whole romance is a whole lot of wrong on every level, the sexy bedroom eyes and humping is just exactly the kind of behavior that gave PDAing a bad rep in the first place.

http://www.cosmorelationships.com/five-rules-of-pdas

So 'Love at First Sight' Could all be a Myth

Scientists say we rewrite history as we go along. So does that mean love at first sight is a myth?

One in five men and a tenth of women claim to have experienced it, Kylie and The Beatles have sung about it, and Shakespeare wrote about it – but now scientists reckon love at first sight might not actually exist.

Researchers at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago claim we rewrite history as we go along, moderating our memories to fit what we learn later on.

So while you might have felt a spark when you met your true love, if you later describe it as an OMG, love-at-first-sight lightning-bolt moment - you’re probably just projecting feelings which developed later on onto your first encounter. Bummer.

Falling in love might seem quite simple – after all, it’s called ‘falling,’ not ‘struggling’ – but the process is actually mind-bogglingly complicated. You might think your bond is based on a mutual love of How I Met Your Mother and pepperoni pizza, but behind the scenes your body’s working overtime to ensure you’ve found the perfect match.

Three hormonal phases come into play; lust, attraction and attachment, and as you work your way through each stage, the effect in the brain is similar to suffering a mental illness (which perhaps explains the sudden desire to listen to Michael Buble many of us suffer).

Chemicals including dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine work together to make you feel like you can’t live without your beloved (almost literally – they can have a similar effect to cocaine addiction), while your genetic compatibility, which makes him smell tastier than a Krispy Crème, also affects how close you feel. 

And OK, it does seem unlikely that something so complicated could happen in an instant. But another study, conducted back in 1997, proved that eye contact alone could be enough to make a couple fall for each other. Asking paired-up volunteers to share intimate stories before holding each other’s gaze for four full minutes was enough for them to report intense attraction – and two of the couples even got married.

First kisses, too, have been held up as an accurate indicator of the future of a relationship, chest-smashers telling you he’s your Mr Right while damp squibs subconsciously urge you to look elsewhere for someone whose kisses are less icky.

All of which is oh-so-unromantic. Without our ideals of love at first sight, we wouldn’t have Sleepless In Seattle, Romeo and Juliet or Marty McFly desperately trying to escape his own mum’s advances in Back to the Future. So we say: hey, scientists, leave our love alone…

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/relationships/ove-at-first-sight-myth

How To Turn Your First Few Dates Into A Relationship…

When my Mom thought that the dating and relationship method that went on at my high school was strange, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. If someone had a crush, they would either giggle and hide, or ask them out. And BAM relationship. Now, if my son or daughter were to one day tell me that’s all there was to it, I would probably roll my eyes at that now.

Dating outside of high school has a lot more that goes into it.

So for people who are just now starting to date out of high school, those just looking for tips, or maybe you feel like you just have no idea how to go about it all I thought this would be a good tool for you.

This may seem unfair, but most of my tips will be aimed at men, being a woman, I know how I want things to go so it’s easier to give tips to them. I will try to give some advice to woman as well though.

Also, definitely shoot back some comments with any additional tips you have for men or woman.

So without any further ado, here are my tips:

1. Try to avoid the typical “dinner and a movie” FIRST date. Again, I’ll stress FIRST. If you’re really at a loss of what to do and you really must do this, then watch the movie first. It’ll give you something to talk about. I’ve criticized this first date before, and the reason is this: I’m shy, I don’t know what to say to you. Heck, I don’t even feel comfortable looking you in the face. Most dates will at least have one person who feels this way. Now, an exception is if you guys are already good friends and it’s a half date. A half date is when the guy or girl asks to hang out and either “no one else could make it,” or they just do it. It’s a date in disguise. 

2. Make the first date fun. We want to have fun, we want to know you’re easy to talk to and be around. Do an activity for the first date. Go mini golfing, go rock climbing, go ice skating, go laser tagging, go bowling etc. Neither of you have to be good at it. In fact, it might be better if you’re not. It makes it so you can laugh, you don’t need to make eye contact or awkward conversations, you can easily talk about what you’re doing. 

3. Make the second date aimed at an interest. Maybe they said a particular place they like to go, a local park, a particular restaurant. If they’re excited they will open up and talk about it. As they’re talking about their experiences you might be able to connect your own experiences and share. 

4. Make the third date a little more intimate. The only example I can think of right now is to take her to your house, make dinner together, and watch a movie. This is where you can cuddle, have a little wine. I AM NOT SAYING HAVE SEX. But cooking is more intimate, it allows for cuddling on the couch, it’s a relaxing night in. You can also play games or do something fun if you want the night to last longer. You can also have more serious conversations and open up, or you can wait a little longer. 

Making the dates this way shows her that you can be fun, you think about her and listen to her interests and what she says, and then you can show your more romantic and sensitive side.

5. Don’t talk about your ex’s. Ever, don’t do it. Unless you are asked we really don’t need to hear that you were thinking about them on the date. The exception is if you see your ex and they say hi or words are exchanged, to just say later, oh that was my ex. And if you are asked, keep it short. Just say when you dated and let it go. Don’t get in to how they broke your heart, and you’re still getting over it. If you say anything like that, we’re gone. 

6. When it comes to paying…. Men; be prepared to pay for you both… Always. Woman; Always be prepared to pay your half. In addition, always OFFER to pay your half. In my experience, and hearing from my male friends, the guy is always willing to pay for AT LEAST the first three dates, but if you acknowledge it, they’ll know you’re grateful for what they’re doing. Also, after you have reached relationship status, buy his lunch and his dinner every now and then too. Men; I’m sorry that you are expected to really pay so much early on. Many girls expect it, and we shouldn’t. So I’m sorry. 

7. When it comes to planning… Men- I think you should set the game plan for the first few dates. If you ask her though, and she says I don’t know, let her know if she thinks of anything to let you know. But plan it. Avoid the whole, “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know what do you want to do?” loop. Women; If he asks, really think, and throw an idea out there. 

8. When it comes to the kiss… Don’t worry about it so much. Feel out when it feels right. Normally the good night kiss isn’t when it feels the most comfortable. Just know that you’ll both be nervous, and not to worry about it. Men; It doesn’t have to be the first date. Normally I recommend the second or third, but when it feels right. Women; Just because he hasn’t kissed you yet doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.  

9. When do we call it a relationship… This varies, a lot. You’ll need to ask if the other person is seeing anyone else. Somewhere around the 7th date you should have established where you stand. Even if you know its not exclusive right now, you should know. I’m not a fan of unexclusive dating if it gets that far into the relationship, it doesn’t work for me, so it would be a deal breaker… Which brings me to the tenth and last tip…

10. Know your deal breakers… But don’t be too picky. If religion plays a big role in your life, and your thoughts vary dramatically, don’t get attached. Know if they want kids, is it an issue? Do they do drugs? Do they smoke? Are they a felon? Do they like cats? Whatever it may be, by the 7th to 10th date you should know if they have any deal breakers or not. If they do, don’t wait for it to change, don’t get involved if it’s not what you’re looking for. 

Do These Tips Matter?

You be the judge. 

The first date I went on with John (back in April) was terrible. It was uncomfortable. I felt like I couldn’t open up and talk to him. We went to lunch. We sat across the table from each other. Any time I would take a bite he would ask me a question, without fail. I ended up showing him pictures of my cat and such. I didn’t like the feeling of sitting across the table, I felt like I was being watched and judged. Like I was on display. 

I WAS NOT GOING TO GO ON A SECOND DATE.

Now, obviously I did. Why did I? The only reason I went on another date was because we had been talking on Okcupid for weeks, maybe a month, and it was so easy to talk. So I texted him back. He waited a few hours because I didn’t text him, I waited about five more after that (and rereading our messages online).

Our second date was a lot of fun, we played twister, watched Ferngully (an old loved childhood movie), and then got something to eat. Then we watched The Perfect Host. We didn’t cuddle or kiss, or anything. In fact the most contact we had was probably when my heel accidentally nailed him in the, erm, family jewels. He didn’t kiss me at the end of the date, but I wanted him to. 

The third time I saw him was right before I left, he brought me pancakes in the morning with a card to read on the plane. It was really sweet and I still have the card. 

The first dates really matter a whole lot. I’m not saying that to scare you, I’m saying it so you can have the best shot you can and not get over looked because of an uncomfortable first date.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/how-to-turn-your-first-few-dates-into-a-relationship

5 Ways to Win Over His Mom

Meeting his mom and getting her to like you can be a scary part of getting close to someone new, but winning her over is possible. With a few key strategies in your back pocket, you can easily endear yourself to your guy's mom.

HOW TO GET HIS
MOTHER TO LOVE YOU

1

Ask her about herself

Even shy people like to talk about themselves when asked directly, so if you make a point of drawing her into a conversation, the bonding process will be much easier. "Asking her about herself lets her know you’re not a self-centered person and that you’re a team player. This is especially important in a family setting where you’re not the only important woman in his life," explains relationship expert April Masini. It's not always easy to get to know a significant other's mom, but asking thoughtful questions and listening well go a long way toward building a rapport. If you're stuck on what to talk about, you can always ask questions about what your guy was like as a child — moms love to share funny stories about their sons.

2

Put in some effort

Even though you might be nervous (if this is a first visit), resist the urge to sit back and let your boyfriend do all the talking. You're here so she can get to know you, not just as an accessory to her son. "Showing effort is a sign of respect. It’s also a signal to his mother that you’re not a lazy person, which means your character is good," says Masini. Speak up, ask questions, and look interested even if you're not. And most importantly, smile. A friendly demeanor will make you seem more relaxed than you are

3

Offer to help

While she may not let you help with the dishes or dinner prep, it's always a good idea to at least offer your services. It's a polite gesture and one that will help endear you to her. "By offering to help serve, clear, chop or clean up, you’re letting her know that you appreciate her efforts," affirms Masini. "This goes a long way towards building the type of intimacy you can have with a healthy mother-in-law relationship in the future." But do ask and never assume it's OK to stand up and clear the table or start washing up without being asked — you don't want to overstep your bounds.

4

Compliment something specific

Flattery will get you everywhere, as long as the compliment you're giving is genuine and doesn't come across as too eager. Find something you really like about her home (the wallpaper in the guest bathroom, her taste in art) and let her know how you feel. Complimenting something specific, rather than generic, can also help spark conversation. In general, compliments will usually help your cause. "If you have good manners, as evidenced by appropriate compliments, she can show you off to her friends and extended family and your good grace reflects on her," Masini explains. The more you can endear yourself to his mom now, the better off you'll be in the long run.

5

Bring something for her

There's no need to buy something extravagant but ask your boyfriend what his mom likes (her favorite flowers, her go-to bottle of wine) and make sure you don't show up empty handed. "Bringing her a gift that is appropriate shows you understand socializing and will reflect well on your own social circle," notes Masini. "By simply showing her that you understand that manners and societal rules like bringing a hostess gift and showing your appreciation with material tokens, you’ve telegraphed your upbringing and your social IQ, making you a valuable potential daughter-in-law," she explains.

6

Follow up

A few days after having dinner with his parents, follow up with a thank you email or note. It doesn't need to be long, but do let her know you enjoyed the apple pie and her hospitality and you hope you spend more time getting to know her soon.

http://www.sheknows.com/love/articles/1024433/

Are Women Waiting Too Late To Mate?

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A provocative column by author Susan Patton in The Wall Street Journal says that today's college age women who eventually want to get married  are making a big mistake by hooking up in college instead of locating Mr. Right. Her theory is that today many women who want marriage and motherhood are deferring those goals. She observes that they are instead devoting their twenties to college, graduate school and career advancement and then begin to hear the biological clock begin to tick and want to have children and/or settle down with their life partner in their 30s. 

The problem, as Ms. Patton sees it, is that women in their thirties find themselves at a disadvantage as far as fading physical beauty when they try to compete against twenty-something year old women at their physical prime for equally well-educated, desirable men. This problem of competition for scarce men was summed up by the  thirty-something successful career woman "Sex and the City" character Samantha who said, "Be damn sure before you get off the Ferris Wheel, because there are twenty-two perky and ruthless women wait.

The other problem with waiting until way after college to settle down is what Barbara Dafoe Whitehead termed the sexual imbalance of power, where single men "can count on a pool of attractive peer women who are willing to sleep with them, compete over them, take care of them, spend money on them and make no big demands on them." That gets worse once you leave college. Ms. Patton is correct when she notes that in college there are many more "like-minded, age-appropriate single men with whom you already share many things." And she is correct that once you leave the halls of academia, the number of these desirable men drops dramatically in the workplace or when you return to a small town and realize how isolated you have become. 

Her best bit of advice is for educated women who desire marriage and family (but are not ready for it at age 21) to keep in touch after graduation day with the men that they met in college through social media. When you think about it, meeting men in college will give you a much more accurate view of what they are really like than if you met them through a dating service where they can embellish on their resume and hide character defects and  an embarrassing past history. For instance, we recall a very handsome eligible pre-med student who charmed the ladies, but was caught cheating on a Chemistry test. What are the odds he'd cheat on you someday? Or end up some day in jail for cheating on his taxes?We recall another who was a very dashing member of the Crew team and spirit squad but was banned from a sorority for his cavilier treatment of a member. Talk about women's issues! You would never hear about that on E-Harmony or Christian Mingle.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201402/are-women-waiting-too-late-mate

DIY Soulmate: Design Him Yourself!

If you know what you are looking for, the task of finding your soul mate will be much easier and the journey will accelerate. Love is like a puzzle, so you seek a partner who provides a snug fit, not an identical copy of you. The more you both share as you discover each other, the greater your joy will be. You are looking for a partner and a friend. The physics of attraction are universal. If you focus on bringing something or someone into your life, you will attract him.

This guide will help you paint a portrait, to define the attributes and qualities of your ideal soulmate. This exercise is a breeze: it's all about you! Most fascinating, you will be surprised at what you will learn about yourself.

A deeply felt relationship will grow more beautiful and substantial over the course of your lifetime. Your team of two will face, overcome and survive the challenges life presents. Use your wish list wisely. When you can answer, "What will I bring to the table?" you can define the best person to call your partner.

This exercise must be an open and honest conversation with yourself. It cannot be done in a hurry. Spend as much time as it takes to flesh out the desired attributes of your partner. Make your list on paper. Hand write it, make it as long as you want and get specific. Focus. Take a break and come back to see your list in a different light. Do some of your requirements strike you as shallow or leftover from an old you? Discard them.

Above all, make sure you haven't forgotten a single thing on your list. Once you have envisioned the whole character of your soulmate, your wish list will offer an interesting reflection of you. Keep it on your altar or burn it on the beach in a ceremony. You will know the right way for you to offer your request to the Universe.

Here are a few questions to help guide your exploration of your soulmate list:

WORK

Does your soulmate work? Is he dependable? How does he value his work? Will he be a good provider? The importance that a man places on his employment often reflects his dependability. As you raise a family, how committed will he be?


LEISURE

How does he spend his free time hours? How do you? Is he project based, fixing this and maintaining that? Does he hunger for creative expression or for adventure and travel? Is he more of a homebody or a couch potato? Is he dependent on you for fun or does he have his own interests? How a man spends his leisure time is often an indicator of his potential performance as a father.


DRIVE

What is his general disposition? What is yours? Is he a go-getter? Is he reserved and cautious? Does he look before he leaps? Is he a sprinter or a long distance runner?


COMMITMENT

Does he keep his word? Does he follow through and do what he says he is going to do? Does he complete a project?


POSESSIONS

What does your mate own? What does he cherish? What is most important to him? How a man cares for his possessions is often an indicator of his potential as a provider. Does he keep his belongings in good condition?


HEALTH

How does your mate regard his body? How does he treat his temple? Is he hoping to be around awhile? And is he doing what it takes?


SELF-ESTEEM

How do you feel about yourself? How will your mate feel about himself? In life, we all go through ups and downs, at various times. In general, what is his outlook on life? Sunny or gloomy? What does he respect?


SPIRITUALITY

What is your spiritual core? How do you honor Life? How should he? It may be very important to you to find a man with the same religion. A deep spiritual sense, of another belief, may be just as good.


CHALLENGES & VICTORY

How does your man face uncertainty? When times are tough, how does he react? Fear is a normal and everyday part of life. Insecurity is nothing to be embarrassed about. Conversely, how does he win? With grace and humility? Or does he strut and gloat? Victory and defeat are fascinating aspects of a person's character.


FUN

How does he define fun? Does he laugh? What type of humor makes him laugh loudest? And you? Do you prefer a partner who brings a healthy dose of sarcasm? Is his humor clean or dirty? Is it offered in kindness or out of spite?


TRADITIONS

You can learn much from one's respect and understanding of tradition. Are family or religious customs important? Does he hold dearly certain practices that are handed down over time?


YOUR SOULMATE WISHLIST

Realistically, you may not find a bull's-eye, a man who meets every one of your requirements. Aim for a majority, not perfection. When you honor your list and refuse to settle, you may wait longer, but you will be happier in the long run. Don't give in to loneliness and choose the wrong mate.
Your list is a road map that leads you in the right direction. It will help you manifest and conjure. Finding a soulmate is an exercise in compatibility. As co-captains in Life, you will sail your ship over calm and stormy seas. Do you work well together? Yes! You are soulmates!

Love Quotes from Old Hollywood Stars

TIMELESS ADVICE FROM SILVER SCREEN SIRENS

Times may change, but the best love advice is classic. The quick-witted stars of Old Hollywood knew a thing or two about love, men, relationships and torrid affairs. We rounded up our favorites to warm your heart on Valentine's Day — no matter what you're going through.

1

When you're trying to decide between two men

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space." - Marilyn Monroe

2

When you've just been dumped

"Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together." - Elizabeth Taylor

3

When you realize your best friend
supports you more than your lover

"You don't have to be married to have a good friend as your partner for life." - Greta Garbo

4

When you've gone through a bad breakup

"Pleasure of love lasts but a moment; pain of love lasts a lifetime." - Bette Davis

5

When you've had terrible sex

"Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Mae West

6

When you're feeling nostalgic for an ex

"The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains." - Josephine Baker

7

When a "nice guy" screws you over

"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf." - Lana Turner

8

When your work or your family
disappoints you, but your partner doesn't

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." - Audrey Hepburn

9

When you have cash problems,
but your relationship is solid

"I can live without money, but I cannot live without love." - Judy Garland

10

When you're consumed by your feelings

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Berman

http://www.sheknows.com/articles/1027839/

7 Things Never to Say to a Single Woman

What's caring? And what's just offensive? The author of the smart and savvy novel Seating Arrangements weighs in.

Photo: Yale Center for British Art, Paul Mellon Collection

1.

1."Don't worry. He's out there."

Here's the thing about being a single woman. Pretty much nobody will ever believe that you're okay with being female and unattached, let alone believe that you might be happy about it. I have lots of conversations in which I'm asked if I'm dating anyone, and I say, "No, not for a while." Then I add that it's cool, because I've been working a lot and I like not being beholden to anyone else's schedule. I also like having experiences, especially when I travel, that aren’t filtered through anyone else's moods or needs. In response, I am assured that I shouldn’t worry because he’s out there.

Well, of course he is. There are more than six billion people on this planet. Even adjusting for age, and the ability to speak English and whatever other criteria strike your fancy, there are probably, I don't know, a hundred thousand men I could spend my life with in reasonable contentment. It's not that I don't want the comfort and solidarity (not to mention joy) of having a partner. But, if it's not in the cards for a theoretical He to emerge from Out There at a realistically workable moment for both of us, do I want to set myself up to think that my life—my one, precious chance at existence—is somehow incomplete? A failure? Unless I’m talking to some bona fide clairvoyants, when people jump to tell me not to worry about being alone forever, what they're really saying is that they expect me to be worried. And that makes me feel kind of bad. And kind of worried.

2. "Have you ever thought about dating online?"

I promise, all single women in America have thought about dating online. Most of us (along with single men) have friends who met their boyfriends or girlfriends or spouses online and so we know the whole enterprise can work out really well. But you have to be ready for the dating equivalent of a rummage sale. You have to be feeling brave and game and energetic enough that a series of disappointing encounters won't sap you of your optimism.

I tried online dating for about two weeks when I was 23 and living in Iowa and had just gone through a bad breakup. I met a divorced geologist who had a 6-year-old son named Thor or Odin or something, and for our second date, I agreed to go on a night hike. I repeat: a night hike. I might as well have said that my hobbies included being murdered. We drove for half an hour out of Iowa City, and then marched off into the wilderness along with a flashlight, my dog and a few cans of PBR. Pretty soon a man wearing a headlamp and carrying a rifle came walking out of the night. "What're you out for?" the geologist asked. "Coon," replied the man before disappearing again.

I wasn't murdered, and I didn't fall for the geologist. When he dropped me off after our hike, I was worried he would try to kiss me, and so I hugged him goodbye with an empty can of PBR in one hand and a full bag of dog poop in the other. Not long afterward, I decided I was too raw from my breakup to be online, and right as I went to deactivate my account, I got a message from a cop in Cedar Rapids. He was, to be blunt, crazy hot, but he mixed up "your" and "you're." I debated for a few minutes while studying a hunky photo of him wakeboarding, and then wrote back, telling him I'd decided it wasn't a good time for me to be dating.

I still regret that one. Apostrophes are overrated.

3. "Just play the field! It's so exciting!"

The problem with playing the field is that, in practice, it usually means spending time with people you don't like very much and probably having some not-great sex with them. Then, if you meet someone you like and with whom you have good sex and he likes you too, you usually lose interest in the rest. There's this idea floating around that playing the field means twirling like Marilyn Monroe from the arms of one handsome tuxedoed man to the next, winking and vamping. But, in practice, you end up in bars very late at night, your standards dropping by the minute, looking around and wondering if you should just bite the bullet and go home with that creepy guy who's licking the rim of his martini glass at you because, after all, you're supposed to be playing the field and it's supposed to be exciting.

4. "If I were in a different place in my life, I would want to be with you."

This has been said to me by two different guys. On both occasions, I was hurt but also kind of awestruck by the mighty ego that could generate such an obnoxious sentence. The first time, a boyfriend was breaking up with me, and I think he was trying to soften the blow and also suggest a narrative in which we would go our separate ways, sample life's many delights and then eventually reunite. The second time, someone I wasn't actually romantically interested in offered me that lovely sentence as, I think, a compliment. All it really means is, "You're not right for me, but I'm such a catch I don't want to devastate you all at once, and I would also like it if you continued to lavish me with attention, please." 

I'm not underestimating the importance of timing, however. People do separate and come back together, and that seems natural and actually pretty romantic. But nobody wants to feel like they're being put in storage while their future partner sows his wild oats. Men of Earth: If you think you need more time, you’re just going to have to zip your lip, cross your fingers and let her go. 

5. "Is this your boyfriend?"

When you're single and you show up somewhere with a dude, even a dude who is, say, your uncle and, you'd like to think, obviously not your boyfriend, some people demand an immediate verbal explanation of your relationship. The boyfriend question is especially awkward when the dude in question is someone you wouldn't mind having as a boyfriend or at least as a make-out partner, and you don't want to ruin things by saying either, "Fingers crossed!" or, out of nervousness, "Him? No. Just friends." We are not walking, talking Facebook profiles. We are, sometimes, just a couple of people hanging out, seeing what happens. 

6. "Maybe you should freeze your eggs."

Maybe. And maybe you should get a nose job. Or maybe you should have some other invasive, expensive, elective medical procedure that I will suggest in a cavalier manner. 

6b. "Tick-tock!"

Fertility is a big deal. It is the source of anxiety, frustration and heartbreak for lots of women. And, day to day, there’s not all that much a girl can do about it except hope that if she wants kids, when she wants kids, she'll be able to have them. So, doing your best clock impression is not helpful. This isn't an episode of 24. This is my uterus.

7. "Maybe you're trying too hard/not trying hard enough."

As long as you're out there living your life in a way that, when you look back in 20 years, it won't seem like wasted time (for example: "that time I dated a sociopath for four years because I was afraid no one else would not-love me the same way") or pointless wallowing (for example: Cheetos, Real Housewives), I think you're doing great. People will say things about your singleness that will rub you the wrong way, even when they mean well, and people will also say the right thing at the right time. I'm not saying we single ones aren't allowed to feel sad about being alone sometimes or to long for a partner. I'm just saying it's a huge bummer that our culture operates on the assumption that singleness equals unhappiness, especially for women. Being simultaneously single and female is not a situation that automatically calls for consolation, strategizing, faux-commiseration, tiptoeing, reassurance, cheerleading, tarot-card reading, life-coaching or detective work. I think it's worth trying to make the best of the single times because—believe me—when you realize you’re alone and content, it's a moment of real liberation. 

But, also, don't worry. He's totally out there. 

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Single-Women