How To Accept Yourself As You Are Now

It’s an old adage that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else, but some people find this almost impossible. They think they need to find someone else to accept them first before they can believe that they’re a lovable and worthwhile human being. Self acceptance is the key to dating success but how can you achieve it?

How do you talk to yourself?

Many people are experts at beating themselves up. They criticise, complain, judge, condemn and berate themselves from morning until night. They talk to themselves in ways that are so harsh and cruel that they would never speak to anyone else that way. If that inner voice were a separate person from them they wouldn’t want to spend a single day together, let alone a lifetime!

We all have shortcomings, habits we want to change, difficulties we can’t seem to overcome or beliefs which hold us back. Beating ourselves up over them only makes matters worse, never better.

Become your own best friend

It will take a concerted effort to change that inner voice but one way of doing it is to imagine you’re your own best friend. What would your friend say when you made a mistake or didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning?

Your best friend will usually have your best interests at heart and will approach difficulties with kindness and compassion. Their aim will be to find ways to encourage and motivate you rather than make you feel worse about yourself.

Take action

Giving yourself a hard time for being overweight for example, will do nothing to solve the problem. If anything you’re more likely to over-indulge if you are living with the daily assault of a harsh inner critic. Self-blame gets in the way of constructive action. Only by becoming more compassionate and self-accepting will you ever be able to find the strength and motivation to tackle whatever problems are holding you back in life.

Get some balance

Most people are well versed in listing their own faults but seem blind to their assets. A helpful exercise can be to list your faults on one side of a page and then write the opposite of that fault on the other e.g. the opposite of irresponsible is responsible. If you think about it you’ll no doubt find many instances where you have been responsible.

You will possess both the positive and negative characteristic but often won’t recognise or focus as much on the positive. All of us have the full spectrum because we are all human. The characteristics that we focus on the most usually get out of balance. What you resist persists. If you’re constantly trying to stop being lazy it will probably make you lazier. If however you accept that you’re sometimes lazy and that it’s okay, the inner battle will stop and you’ll have more energy to do the things you want to do.

Focus on what you have to offer rather than what you want to get

When you begin dating it’s much easier to focus on all the qualities and attributes you want a new partner to have – they’re usually things that you feel are lacking in you.

A great short cut to self acceptance is to begin to focus on what you would bring to a new relationship and how these things could enhance someone’s life. Things like a love for cooking or decorating for example, are important assets which could enrich a relationship.

Write down these assets and if you get stuck ask your friends and family what they like about you. They may notice things that you are completely unaware of and it will boost your confidence to hear them.

http://www.eharmony.co.uk/relationship-advice/start-with-you/2013/07/how-to-accept-yourself-as-you-are-now#.UfjnaI21Hnc

15 Great First Date Questions

There they sit—you could spot them a mile away. A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. No doubt about it, they’re on their first date.

How do we know it’s their first time out together? All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed and wearing freshly pressed clothes—stylish, but not overdone. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact.

Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. He seems tongue-tied, she seems self-conscious. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation.

Him: How’s your salad?
Her: Good. And yours?
Him: Yeah, really good.

More excruciating silence ensues. You can almost read their minds. He thinks, “C’mon, say something! Anything! This is torture.” She thinks, “Why doesn’t he ask me any questions? Or maybe I should—but I don’t know what to say! How can I get out of this?”
On it goes. More mute lulls. More perfunctory questions. More salad staring.

As would-be romances go, this plane is very slow to leave the gate and get onto the runway. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . . . or if it will lose engine power and sit on the tarmac indefinitely.

Singles: do not let this happen to you! It’s true that first dates can be one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-producing situations in our society. Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames. The key to having a positive experience is relaxed conversation, and that can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions. Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse:

Listen as much or more than you talk. Some people consider themselves skilled communicators because they can talk endlessly. But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. Each person gets a turn—and no one hogs the ball.

Peel the onion, don’t stab it with a paring knife. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. It’s a slow and safe process. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. For now, take it easy.

Don’t dump. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy.

Genuine interest goes a long way. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not. Either way, it’s exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.

With those thoughts in mind, now it’s time to think about specific first date questions.

Try these:

1. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
2. What kinds of things really make you laugh?
3. What’s your favorite place in the entire world?
4. Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?
5. Favorite movie of all time? Why so?
6. What’s your biggest goal in life right now?
7. What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?
8. Do you have any pet peeves?
9. What was your family like growing up?
10. What were you like as a kid?
11. What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
12. Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?
13. Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?
14. Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it?
15. What do you hate most about the dating process? (Tell me so I can avoid it!)

Maybe you’ve got your own great first date questions, surefire winners that get the conversation rolling. If not, use these and come up with others—but by all means, give some forethought to how you’d like a discussion with a new partner to unfold. You’ll give yourself a chance at a magnificent, rather than miserable, first date.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/15-great-first-date-questions/#.UffrvI21Hnc

How to Avoid Online Dating Mistakes

If you are new to online dating, it can be hard to understand, with numerous pages and questions to fill out, profile pictures to add in, text-style lingo, blank responses and site navigations. However, persevere and there could be something – or someone – worth while waiting for you at the end.

To help you on your journey we’ve compiled a list of what to avoid and why…

Remember less is more

When writing or compiling your profile try to think about what keeps you keen and interested when reading other profiles. Keeping things short and sweet not only shows people that you are concise and don’t waffle, but that you also know what you want.

Keep it real

When you upload images of yourself some people tend to leave in their best pics. However, if the photo is 15 years old and show you with a long-lost flat stomach and full head of hair, then keep it honest - ask a friend to take some updated versions instead. The same works with claiming you are a millionaire, own a yacht and drive a Ferrari - it's only impressive if it's true. There is no point in lying; people always find out.

Never, ever, give away money

No matter how well you get to know someone or feel your relationship has blossomed online, or in the flesh, never ever lend out money – whatever the circumstance.

Always be polite

In reality you wouldn’t stop chatting to someone in the street mid-flow if they were boring you in a conversation; however, online you can. If an email conversation starts out well but then you realise this person isn’t ‘the one’ then politely back away. Failing that, if they don’t take the hint, then their emails conveniently getting ‘lost in cyberspace’ or ignoring all contact should also work.

Don’t expect too much too soon

Online dating takes time. Therefore, buying a one month subscription to an online dating site seems a bit optimistic. This also goes for thinking you have found ‘the one’ after a trip to the cinema, followed by Pizza Express - fairytale love affairs are rare. You need to set goals and stick to them and if you follow the rules above and allow a relationship to blossom over time, then maybe, just maybe, Prince Charming will be waiting to carry you off into the sunset…

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/7881765/How-to-avoid-online-dating-mistakes.html

The Zen of Love: How to Attract “The One”

How many times have you heard a single woman say, “There just aren’t any good men, are there?” or “Why is it impossible to meet a great guy?” or “Where can I find an eligible man I want to date?”

All of these questions are founded on the myth that wonderful, loving, attractive, SINGLE men are in short supply, as if they       were an endangered species.

The truth is this: there ARE good men out there, you CAN meet a great guy and the men are EVERYWHERE. Really, I am not just making this up. Good men can be found on the major online dating sites, in bookstores, on tennis courts, at Starbucks, in line at the grocery store, and yes, even in churches.

So, at the risk of getting all “woo-woo” and cosmic, maybe you are asking the wrong question. Instead of lamenting the lack of great men, maybe the question you should be asking is, “How can I attract my soulmate into my life?”

Back in my Middle-Aged Babe Magnet days, the best dating advice I ever received came from a happily married friend who had met his wife after a messy divorce and several years of unfulfilled dating. He told me that he got tired of dating women who weren’t quite right for him for one reason or another. “I kept attracting the wrong kind of women,” he said. “After a while, I realized that the one thing in common with all of these not-so-great relationships was ME.”

That’s when he decided to step back from the dating world and do a little work on himself. He joined a health club and he lost weight. He joined a book club at a local community center and he started to feed his mind. He dusted off his old guitar and started to take lessons again.

In the terminology that my mother used to use, he became a better “catch.” He became more three dimensional and more interesting and more self-fulfilled. He became more comfortable in his own skin. He became the best version of himself that he could.

Keep in mind that he didn’t do all of this to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex. He did it so that he would have a better life. But, of course, the result of his “life makeover” was that he became VERY attractive to women. And he attracted exactly the woman that he of dreamed of, because now he was READY for her.

A similar thing happened to me. After dating for a couple of years and not finding “The One,” I decided to let my online dating membership expire and let fate take its course. I decided to turn over the matchmaking process to the Universe and learn to enjoy my life—with or without a mate. I realized I had been trying too hard, and it was time for me to let go.

I’ll bet you can guess the end of this story. As soon as I decided to relax and enjoy the flow of my life, I met the wonderful woman who has recently become my wife.

There really is a Zen to finding love. So if all of your efforts to find “The One” aren’t working for you, take a break from the search. Do a little self-work, and become the person to whom your soulmate will be attracted.

When the time is right and when you are ready, he will find you.

http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/the-zen-of-love-how-to-attract-%E2%80%9Cthe-one%E2%80%9D/

Dating: How to Build a Relationship on Respect

Romantic dating is a way of life for many across the world. Find out how to enhance your dating relationship by communicating in a style built on mutual respect.

Singles, divorced persons, and widows or widowers have encountered a new style of dating, and the discovery is disappointing.

Dating: How to build a relationship on respect

Many people who date in today’s social economy aren’t exactly exhibiting old fashioned manners and traditional courting as previous generations did. Ex-spouses juggle child support and visitation, while professionals focus on building their careers. Though the need for respect in a dating relationship is a healthy part of a person’s inter-relational skills, it is a shrinking commodity.

In response to the soaring divorce rate, more couples are choosing to live together before marriage, even though eight out of ten will never make it to the ten-year mark, including those who marry. Some couples end up abusing each other or children from previous relationships. Hurt, rejection, and anger too often become outcomes of unhappy relationships. Family counselors suggest that a healthy relationship should be based on mutual respect.

1. If you feel disrespected, chances are your impression is correct. Reflect on the time spent with a person you are seeing and ask yourself what she or he does to make you uneasy. Does he raise his voice? Does she become easily irritated? Perhaps he insults you, even in a “teasing” way? Decide whether these are appropriate behaviors or if you are too sensitive.

2. Time is ticking. Does she call when she’s supposed to, or “forget” and then apologize? Everyone forgets occasionally, but if it happens frequently, there may be a problem. Does your date show up on time? Do you see each other regularly? A woman dated a man who saw her only on Sunday afternoons and Wednesday evenings. It turned out he was married with a family and told his wife he was at “church activities.” Are dates frequently changed or cancelled with little notice?

3. Are the two of you mutually supportive or self-serving? Does the person you’re seeing show interest in things you like? Does she encourage you when you feel low? Is he supportive of your goals? Can you discuss difficulties like a divorce, an elderly or sick parent, or a child- rearing issue? Is the person too busy to notice and care about these things?

4. Do the two of you share quality or questionable time? Do you feel special in receiving notes, cards, or small gifts? Do you go out in public together? Can you celebrate special events, anniversaries, or holidays? A naïve twenty-two-year-old found out her boyfriend who wanted to avoid public places was engaged to another woman and having a “final fling” before settling down. Does your date show courtesy by opening doors or walking on the curb? While “manners” may seem old fashioned, courtesy never goes out of style.

5. Are the two of you growing bitter or better? Do you argue more or less often? Is it over little or big things? Who usually wins? Is there a sense of give-and-take, or do you feel pressured to accept the other person’s way of doing things? Does he swear, use profanity, become physically violent with objects, or hurt you? Does she blame you for problems? Does your significant other respect your point of view?

6. Is your date faithful or faithless? Have you discovered lies or deceptions? Do the person’s family or friends say good things? Is there a string of broken relationships? Are there several children by different parents? Unpaid bills or bankruptcies? While any of these need not serve as a “red light,” they can indicate potential problems and require evaluation before the relationship becomes serious.

If you’re unsure whether the person in your life respects you, talk to a professional counselor for an objective opinion. Some singles struggle with low self-esteem and are unable to confidently assess their relationships with those who may be taking advantage of them. Others, insecure from previous problems, overreact to partners who sincerely care.

It’s not easy being single today. But wholesome dating choices and respectful interaction can lead to satisfying relationships.


http://www.tele-management.ca/2013/07/dating-how-to-build-a-relationship-on-respect/

The Secrets Men Keep

We like to cuddle. 
Cuddling is all about mood and ambience. It's peaceful to lie in someone's arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV (although that tends to distract me) in the background. It's nice to hear nothing but your lover's breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning. Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship.

We think we are good in bed. 
Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you're confident, it will turn out okay. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know.

Getting too tipsy on a date is a turnoff. 
Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you're sober, before you get wasted with them. Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly, but if a drink or two takes the edge off, and wine adds romance it's fine. Just don't push it too far.

Heavy makeup is a turnoff.
 I've always been the type of guy who appreciates a natural look as it is, and when a girl does her makeup well, the results can be magical. But the one thing that should never happen is excessive application: too much, too many colors, or if it's just a botched attempt at a good makeup technique. Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.

We put pressure on ourselves to get married. 
Women tell me that they feel more pressure to settle down because they can't have children as easily past a certain age. I don't feel pressure in that sense, but I do fear that my appearance and my "game" (not that either are working for me presently) will fade as I get older. It's fun being one of the few guys in my group of friends who hasn't yet found love, but at the same time I wonder what is wrong with me...and I'm trying to decide if time is running out. I'm so far behind, I can't imagine being asked to meet on Sunday for brunch by a girl I've dated for a month, much less having a child or being married.

We want to bail the morning after a one-night stand.
 Do not linger in bed hung over. I'm foul when I'm hung over, so I am sure others are too. You can't contaminate someone's bed with that. Do everything you can to get home and fester in your own bed. People have things to do over the weekend. Give each other a hug, wish each other well, don't say anything about calling, and don't believe him when he mutters that he will call you.


You'll never understand our sports obsession.
 I know some women love sports. But are they as obsessed with sports like guys are? I read about sports every day, and go over stats. And I do find myself telling my sisters about University of Virginia and Boston College teams — where they went to school. There is no reason women wouldn't understand or know sports like guys do if they were as obsessed. I just think guys across the board are more sports-obsessed than women are.


You're not the only one who engages in retail-therapy post-breakup. 
I have shopped during emotional low points. Wearing new clothes makes me feel confident. There is also a social aspect of shopping because you are usually with friends, consorting with other shoppers and salespeople. You've been spending a lot of money on your ex in the past; now it's time to spend some money on you.

Sex in the shower is overrated.
 I once tried this, but the entire time I was trying to contort my body so that I could get everything inserted correctly. That "up against the wall" variation is tougher than it sounds. The entire shower apparatus is so slippery, and then you have soap all over the place. It's a danger zone. Plus, I do my best to keep my bathroom clean, but I don't think I'd ever want to have sex anywhere near something called "mildew."

We do think you're crazy sometimes, but only because it makes things easier for us. 
Once I accepted that women were "crazy" (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as "crazy," it makes it easier to deal. We don't really think women are insane, we just say it so we can be done thinking about their antics and move on.

Leave your baggage at the door.
 Guys are happy to help out their girlfriends with emotional issues. But if the baggage becomes apparent too early in the relationship, then a guy will probably bail. Also, baggage causes people to put pressure on or damage a relationship, so it may be doomed from the outset.

We are afraid of commitment. 
Commitment means that I've decided that the woman I'm settling down with is perfect and there is no one else out there for me. Commitment means I've found my soul mate, that I am completely secure with myself, and that there should be no going back. I don't know about you, but all of that is pretty heavy. I think the old adage "Girls mature faster than boys" comes into play here. Commitment is a sign of maturity, and it just takes some of us longer.


Confidence is key in the bedroom. 
I know if a girl seems unsure of herself in bed, it gets distracting and starts to feel awkward. The best thing to do is to act like you have some experience, and not question anything. I think back to the advice my dad once gave my sisters and me when he snuck us onto the "premium members only" tennis courts at this fancy resort at the beach. While we played, security goons watched closely, and my dad could tell that we were nervous: "Just act like you are supposed to be here, and they won't ask any questions." Sure enough, it worked.

Sometimes, we do blame your bad mood on PMS.
 But if we're smart, we just don't say it. Honestly, sometimes a woman's anger does look hormonal. I have said something to a girl one day that she laughs at, but then a week later she bites my head off when I say the same thing. But I've learned not to make things worse by suggesting that she's PMSing.

We get jealous because we're insecure.
 If a guy feels like he does not deserve a woman or is not good enough for her, he will become jealous easily and worried that he's going to lose her to another guy. On the other hand, I admit that I have tried to make girls I'm interested in jealous on purpose before.

We hate when you try too hard to be one of the guys. 
It's pretty lame that my buddies and I invent words and languages and then giggle over them like schoolchildren. But what's even lamer: when some outsider tries to use the language, without the ability to contribute. That's what one of my old girlfriends did. My friends and I would discuss how she was trying to speak like us, and it got to the point where I bristled every time I heard her speak one of our made-up words.

We play hard to get — and we know it. 
Sometimes, I just act like they have no chance, even though I might like them. I openly flirt with other girls in front of them, and talk about how hot other girls are in front of them. I make myself look really picky and difficult to get to. Then, I get really tender and give all of my attention to this girl who thought she had no chance.

Sometimes We Like Being Told What to Do

One of the reasons we won't commit is because we don't want to be told what to do. But, it's no secret that we don't like to think, and we struggle with details. So when you tell us clearly what to do, how to do it, and map it out for us, we can go about accomplishing a task without anxiety. Also, if we follow your directions precisely and you're still unsatisfied, then you're more unsatisfied with the directions you gave us, and not our execution of the instructions.

We Cry and Have Emotional Moments with Our Buddies

After my little sister's wedding, I talked over my feelings with a few of my guy friends. We might as well have been on the couch watching movies with a bottle of wine with the deep emotional things we were saying to each other. But it happens. And, we do cry — we just try not to do it in front of anyone. I shed tears when I think about old memories, or see something sad on TV, or a song hits me just the right way.

We Say We'll Call Even if We Don't Mean It

We always say we'll call, because it's the nice thing to say. It's almost as thoughtless as the "fine" answer when someone asks us how we're doing. Would you rather us say: "Look, I'm not planning to call you?" And sometimes at that very moment we say we'll call, we do mean it, but then after 24 hours we change our mind after sleeping on it.

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/men-dating-secrets#slide-12

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Committing

You’ve been on many dates. You laugh at each other’s jokes. You find their quirks endearing. And you’re excited to see where the relationship might lead. Before you take that leap into a serious committed relationship, here are some questions to ask yourself.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Do we share the same views on monogamy, marriage and children?

The big-ticket items, like family, marriage, and views on monogamy are conversation-topic musts before leaping into serious commitment. Differing values on these areas are often non-negotiables. It’s better to know he doesn’t want kids or that she’s not interested in ever getting married now than get further invested in a relationship that, ultimately, can’t have a future.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Are we spiritually compatible?

Maybe you’ve already talked about your faith backgrounds some, but articulating what your spiritual life looks like on a day-to-day basis — and what you aspire it to become — is an important step in determining when to get serious with one another. If one of you eschews organized religion and the other wishes they could attend orthodox services more often, you’re likely going to hit major roadblocks later on. Talk about these differences and determine if your differing faith systems are compatible with one another.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Are family and friends supportive of the relationship?

Does your mom like him? Does your roommate think she’s awesome? Positive feedback on the relationship from family and friends can help give you the green light in moving forward. If loved ones agree that the person you’re seeing is a good match for you, you’re committing to a relationship with a built-in support system.

If you sense hesitancy or wariness from loved ones, try to determine why they’re not as gung-ho about the relationship as you are. Maybe they’re just looking out for you following previous heartache. Maybe they have some serious reservations. Consider their yellow and red flags seriously before committing.

Question to ask yourself before committing: How do we deal with conflict?

Have you fought yet? Have you seen him upset? Establishing healthy conflict-resolution patterns is essential in cultivating a solid relationship.

Talk about conflict when you’re not in the middle of it. What often triggers defensiveness in you? What angers you? When do you feel most misunderstood? Do you tend to fight about the same things over and over? Establish rules for “fighting fair.”

Before committing, ensure that you’re both determined to always do right by the other person — and can compromise, apologize, and reassure when times get tough.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Can we communicate honestly about uncomfortable topics like money and sex?

The two biggest conflict topics in committed romantic relationships are money and sex. You’ll be setting your new relationship up for success if you start talking about these things early on. If you handle money differently, feel uncomfortable revealing spending philosophies, have different expectations when it comes to splitting the check or sharing a bed, now is the time to talk.

Practicing openness and honesty about private matters can build trust and prevent conflicts that arise from misunderstandings and assumptions. If you find you’re not compatible in these areas, be cautious about moving forward. Many find these differences to be irreconcilable.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Have we both dealt with our “baggage”?

Make sure you’re entering into this relationship for the right reasons — and without the past tagging along. Don’t commit as a knee-jerk reaction to your ex finding love elsewhere, or just because you hate being alone.

Have you both dealt enough with your relationship “baggage” that neither is comparing the other to a past relationship? If there’s still a “one that got away” in your life, you won’t be giving your all to the new relationship.

For a relationship to thrive, you need to be fully present. Before you commit, make sure this specific person is the one you want, and that your past, while important in terms of life lessons and character building, isn’t interfering with you giving your best to someone new.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Can I see myself with this person in the future?

If you can’t see yourself with this person in a few months, let alone a few years, you’re not ready to commit. And if you can already identify things that might derail the relationship, you need to talk. You don’t have to know, without a doubt, that this person is “the one,” but if you already know they’re not, why are you investing your time, energy and heart on someone you don’t want to be with in the future? It’s not fair to either of you.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Have we established mutual trust and respect?

Do you treat each other well? Do you feel like the person you’re with wants the best for you? Are you excited for each other’s dreams?  Would you describe the person you’re with as trustworthy, respectful and considerate?

A relationship missing these ingredients is already filled with red flags. You want to be with someone who treats you well, and with someone whom you deeply respect.

Question to ask yourself before committing: Do I really like this person?

It sounds trite, but it’s so important that you actually enjoy spending significant amounts of time with the person you’re about to commit to. Do you really, really like him? Do you care about the details of his life? Does she preoccupy your thoughts? Are you just interested in being in a relationship, or are you craving a relationship with this particular individual? If you like the person you’re dating, in a Bridget Jones “just as you are” kind of way, keep moving forward.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/questions-to-ask-yourself-before-committing/#.UfErkY1wqO0

The 8 Best Foods to Eat Before a Date

You want to look as fabulous as possible for every date, even if it’s with your husband and especially on a first date. And all that time you focus on putting together the right outfit, doing your hair and makeup, and calling your friends for a second (or third…or fourth) opinion could leave you with little time to think about what you’re eating.

Instead of reaching for anything—or worse, nothing—snack on foods that will help you shine tonight by flattening your stomach, boosting your energy, and eliminating every bit of anxiety. Go get him, girl.

1. Dark Chocolate

While regular consumption of dark chocolate can reduce levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) and catecholamines (amino acids that trigger the “fight-or-flight” reaction), having a treat also immediately slashes anxiety, according to a study in the journal Nutrients. Chocolate may increase serotonin, the feel-happy neurotransmitter in the brain, says Kristin Kirkpatrick, R.D., wellness manager at the Cleveland Clinic, which is probably why you experience that calm, satisfied feeling. Choose a bar that’s at least 70 percent cacao, and since just 1 ounce is 170 calories, be mindful of your portion size.

2. Coconut Water

If you’re slightly dehydrated from a long day of work or your pre-date workout, your energy levels might be sinking. Reach for coconut water, which hydrates in a way plain H2O can’t thanks to its electrolytes. This combined with the simple, naturally occurring sugars will help revive your moxie, says Erin Palinski-Wade, R.D., author of the Belly Fat Diet For Dummies

3. Pumpkin Seeds

Feeling lethargic on a near-daily basis could be an indicator that you’re not getting enough magnesium in your diet. Magnesium is involved in breaking down glucose into energy, so being even slightly low in this mineral can cause a dip in your pep, Palinski-Wade says. One ounce (about 1/4 cup) of pumpkin seeds contains half of your daily recommended magnesium, so have a handful a few hours before your date to naturally boost your get-up-and-go.

4. Hummus and Celery

Celery is a natural diuretic (hello, flat belly) that’s low in calories with lots of fiber that will help keep you full going into a date, Palinski-Wade says. Pair three large sticks with 2 tablespoons of hummus, which contains good-for-you monounsaturated fats that can help stabilize blood sugar to prevent unstable emotions.

5. Green Tea

Sip a cuppa green at least 30 minutes before your date for a natural energy boost. Eight ounces contains 24 to 40 milligrams of caffeine, which could make you feel more alert for the next two to three hours, Palinski-Wade says. Bonus: One study found that green tea consumption can help keep breath fresh for up to two hours—it’s even more effective than toothpaste, mints, and chewing gum in deodorizing and disinfecting your mouth.

6. Cinnamon Almonds

With 163 calories, 6 grams of protein, and 3.5 grams of fiber per ounce, almonds are a great snack to hold you over until you meet for dinner. Put your nuts in a ziptop bag, sprinkle in 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon, close it up, and shake. Research has shown adding this much cinnamon to meals can help regulate blood sugar levels within 15 to 90 minutes, and that may help keep moodiness at bay.

7. Turkey Slices

This low-carb, high-protein snack may help you with pre-date jitters. Turkey is rich in L-tryptophan, an amino acid that triggers the release of serotonin, resulting in a relaxing effect. Palinski-Wade recommends 3 to 4 ounces.

8. Honey Toast

“Having a small, all-carb snack midday will help to boost feel-good serotonin levels,” says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of Eat Your Way To Happiness. To stay chill about meeting your hot guy, she recommends a banana with either half a whole-grain English muffin with honey or half a small cinnamon raisin bagel with jam.

http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/8-best-foods-eat-date?page=8