How to Make Him Want You

With the crazy lifestyle of balancing your career, your home, and friendships to maintain. You  may feel overwhelmed a midst the endless list of things you do in this thing you call “life”, you find yourself so busy that we seem to have lost touch with the sexier side of our relationship. Romance has been replaced by a quickie, a “good night, and have a great day at work tomorrow”. Perhaps you are beginning to sense you are less desirable as a woman. No fear, we want to offer you tips on how to make him want you. 

Consider these as a way to awaken his inner craving for you to be his love goddess once again:

WHAT YOU SAY When he comes over, as you open the door…smile. Even if you had a terrible day, start by asking about his. Really listen and be empathetic to his expressions. Acknowledge his hard work, and how much you appreciate him. Men love acknowledgement. Remember to set a mood. Discuss problems or concerns when you both had a chance to relax.
PLAN Having a super busy schedule, it’s important to book in time for love. Drop hints about what you have planned for later that evening and how you can’t wait to mess up the sheets with him. Pick out something sexy to wear. Add some candle lights, music, even wearing the perfume he desires. How about taking a bath together, or a sensual message?
COMMUNICATE Discuss in advance the best time for your private little escapades. As life changes, so do our priorities, schedule, and level of energy. Find a time agreeable to both of you. If you’ve been in the relationship for a while, don’t be shy about discussing each other’s desires, fantasies, and fetishes. Create a feeling of excitement and anticipation. And of course those three precious words “I LOVE YOU” can also advance your cause.
TOUCH A hug and a kiss is nice, but being naughty is much more fun and arousing. Rub his chest and squeeze his touche if necessary. When you kiss him, mean it! Close your eyes and pretend it’s the first passionate kiss you ever gave each other. Holding hands is another way to display your intimate connection and commitment for each another.
MAKE HIM WORK FOR IT Men aren’t the greatest fans of control and manipulation. But giving it up too easy can take away his challenge to pursue you and may actually affect his level of respect for you. It has been said that the number one reason why men struggle with commitment is, that they can get sex without it! With that in mind, don’t make yourself so easily available. Make him jealous of your time by planning activities that don’t involve him. Don’t allow him to think you’re on standby, waiting to fulfill his every request. Instead, why not awaken his ego in a way that he will have him fighting like a bull to have you! Caution: using other men to make him jealous only compromises trust.
KEEP MAKING AN EFFORT Some women will argue that their man never tries to be romantic. They in fact are the one that always seems to make the effort. First, it’s important to remember to communicate each other’s likes and expectations in these regards. And if it still doesn’t get through to him, rather than getting upset or discouraged. Carry on with what you do. When all effort is made and you two are in ‘the moment’. Who will care about how you got there?

http://www.moderndatingrules.com/how-to-make-him-want-you/

Why Did He Dump Me?

11 Reasons He Dumped You

I was flipping through a Women's Health recently (I admit it), and I noticed an interesting poll. Women cited the following reasons as the most common breakup reasons:

• He changed.
• We weren't compatible.
• He cheated on me.

When I was little, it drove me crazy when my parents supported "no" with "because I said so." I always wanted a reason. I'm not sure if knowing why always helps, but perhaps if you know common reasons guys break up with girls, you'll at least be able to see it coming. So, here are mine:

I Got Bored

I've read many different hypotheses on attention span, but my favorite is from Wikipedia:

"Continuous attention span, or the amount of time a human can focus on an object without any lapse at all, is very brief and may be as short as 8 seconds. After this amount of time, it is likely that an individual's eyes will shift focus, or that a stray thought will briefly enter consciousness."

My attention span (unless it's a football game or a song) may be worse. I know a relationship is not supposed to be exciting all the time, so getting through those flatline moments between the sparks is critical. If I start having more fun with other activities, the relationship is doomed.

One of Us Was Too Serious

This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see her one time a week. If she's flirting with other guys, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for her.

Burnout

I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: being exclusive, giving special gifts, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Okay, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted to Cheat

I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my girlfriend, I figure it's time to break up with her. I don't need to go through with the cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up with Their Girlfriends

This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my girlfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching The Devil Wears Prada, my newly single guy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives

If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish

Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and your self up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings

This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake: You get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason: dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends or Family Didn't Like Her

I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Her for Granted

Great relationships should be easy, but there needs to be some tension too — especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let her go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

She Was Too Negative

All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if she makes me unhappy every time I see her, why stay with her?

What reasons have guys used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with guys? Which reasons do you think are most commonly cause breakups — do they differ for guys and women?

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/men/breakup-reasons

9 Subtle Ways To Flirt With Men

Ways to Flirt with Men range from openly asking them out to shyly staring at him from the corner. But, as with anything else in life, there is a happy medium and plenty of subtle ways to flirt with men! The key isn't as tricky as many people might would think! There are a few subtle yet attention-grabbing things you can do to make sure his eyes are on you all evening long! It doesn't matter if you are married, in a relationship or single-these tips will give you some great ways to flirt with men! Whether it's the one you have or the one you plan to get, you'll be so glad you read this article that is bursting with super fabulous tips on ways to flirt with men!

1. BE PLAYFUL-A GREAT WAY TO FLIRT WITH MEN

Men love a woman who can laugh and smile along with the rest of them so remember not to be too uptight and stiff! Go with the flow and make little jokes and tease him. Just don't be TOO much of a tease and stay away from any sort of teasing that could be taken in the wrong way! If a guy thinks you are making fun of him, you can bet he won't be asking for your number at the end of the night!

2. WEAR A DRESS

One of the best ways to flirt with men without needing to say a single word is by putting on a girly, floaty, feminine dress! Guys love it when a girl wears a dress or a skirt. Remember, part of flirting is all in the attitude, so if you want to come across as flirty, you need to feel flirty. Wearing a dress is a great way to achieve that!

3. SMILE AT HIM

Think about it: How many guys would you be interested in if all they did was frown at you? No one likes a sour face! Suck on a mint, slap on some gloss, use whitening strips-whatever you need to do in order to flash those pearly whites! And catch and hold his gaze from across a room if you want him to know you are interested in talking to him a bit more later on!

4. TOUCH HIM LIGHTLY

It doesn't take much to get a guy's pulse pounding a little harder and one of my favorite ways to do that and one of the best ways to flirt with men is by lightly touching him while you are having a conversation. How's that for killing two birds with one stone! Tap his forearm while you converse together, brush shoulders when you walk past him or graze his leg as you sit beside him. He will notice, believe me!

5.COMPLIMENT HIM-A SUREFIRE WAY TO FLIRT WITH MEN

Men love to be admired and have their ego stroked, especially by women. And complimenting a guy is one of the best ways to flirt with him! So find something to mention to him that will stand out. Be sincere about it, but let him know that you noticed! 

6. BE INTERESTED

If you want to know one of the most effective ways to flirt with men, it's by showing interest. If a guy doesn't think you care, he may not give you a second glance no matter how pretty you are! Ask him about his work, his hobbies and what he likes to do. Look at him when he talks to you and make eye contact. Just be careful not to pry into personal areas of his life right away!

7. PAY ATTENTION TO HIM

When there is a roomful of cute, available guys, it can be easy to move on to the next one if the one you're talking to doesn't seem very interesting at first. But in order to get HIS attention, you need to make him feel like you aren't scoping out all the other guys in the room! Talk and look at HIM, even if his buddies are standing nearby. This shows him you are interested in HIM even though there are other fish in the sea!

8. BITE YOUR LOWER LIP

I've heard many guys say that it's sexy when a girl bites her lower lip softly. It's one of the many ways to flirt with a guy, so give it a shot! Just don't overdo it. You don't want to come across as nervous or chew off all your lipstick. Every now and then for emphasis is just fine!

9. BE RELAXED

Guys can sense when a girl is nervous or scared. So try not to be too uptight! Relax, be yourself and let the mood flow. That's the best piece of advice I can give you on ways to flirt with men. He will know if you are being sincere with him and it will all be downhill from there!

I hope you enjoyed my article with ways to flirt with men. As women, flirting is one of our natural rights, isn't it? Of course! And it pays to know the best ways to flirt with men! So use them as often as you can! Just use discretion and most importantly-have fun! Do you have any great tips or ways to flirt with men? Please comment below and thanks for reading!

http://love.allwomenstalk.com/subtle-ways-to-flirt-with-men

14 Ways to Keep Romance Alive

Did you know that August is Romance Awareness Month? It's actually pretty easy to remember since Mother Nature drops a not-so-subtle hint by turning up the heat outside. For married couples, at the top of the list for reasons for divorce are things like money issues, infidelity, sexual problems, and boredom. In today’s climate of infidelity, couples have to realize that love is not the only key to a successful marriage. There are a number of things to remember and romance is just one of them.

Take time out and think about what you may or may not be doing and begin to heat things up in your everyday life with your sweetie. Here are 14 tips to keep you busy and satisfied for August Romance Awareness Month and beyond.

1. A romantic bed picnic. Reconnect! Stop by your local grocer and pick up chopped fruit, chocolate sauce or chocolate bars to put in a melting pot for dipping. You can also pick up your favorite cheese and crackers—it’s brie for me please! Once you get home, now you are ready to set the mood in your room. Light candles, load up the CD or Mp3 player with some great jazz or your favorite love songs, and spread out a blanket on the bed. Spend the evening simply talking like you may not have in a long time.

2. Speak love for 30 days. Send a different sexy, loving message each day. Mix it up, send a text one day and leave a voicemail message the next day.

3. Take a bubble bath together. Once a week take a romantic bubble bath together—pick a day and work it into your schedule. Light candles and sprinkle in rose petals for an added dash of romance. Oh, and don’t forget to lose your personal inhibitions ladies, you know the ones about the "extra" inch or two you may have. Self confidence goes a long way.

4. 30 Reasons why you love one another. Write each reason on a separate piece of paper. Put them in separate boxes and pull a different one each day, to brighten your day and remind you of your love for each other.

5. Memory lane. Sit down with a glass of your favorite bubbly and take a rummage through your photo albums together and remember the good times.

6. Reading is fundamental. Turn off the TV, computer and phones. Take turns reading poetry or poems to one another.

7. Sundae love. This may sound corny, but order one large sundae or banana split with two spoons and feed one another. It is very sexy and romantic. There is something special about sharing.

8. Plan a weekend getaway during the month. Spend the night in a local hotel for a change of scenery, or stay the entire weekend if you can. Call us to create an atmosphere of ambiance for you to relax, relate, renew and enjoy the sunrise together.

9. Play to win. Play a romantic game of Twister, truth or dare, or "strip Scrabble" with your spouse. Each time a player earns 50 points, he or she must remove a layer of clothing. The person with the most clothing still on at the end wins—then again, there are no losers in this game.

10. Treat yourselves. Hire a masseuse and have his and her professional massages at home.

11. Flower power. Bring a different kind of flower home each day for 30 days. Trust me it is not difficult. There is such a variety of flowers to choose from and your local florist would love to help you.

12. Slow it down. One of my favorite slow jam lyrics provided by the late great Teddy Pendergrass, goes "Turn out the lights, light a candle." Load up your favorite slow song and have a private dance together. Your kitchen, bedroom or living room make the perfect dance floor. You can even surprise your spouse by putting the music on, grab them and begin to take the lead.

13. The power of a love letter. Write a love letter or share something you are really proud of your spouse for. A few ideas you can write about are: an accomplishment, a selfless act of kindness, what you love the most and why. Ladies seal it with a kiss and a dash of his favorite perfume. Guys, a spritz of her favorite cologne will do.

14. A late night stroll. Go for late night walk under the stars and enjoy the breezy night amidst the calmness. Hold hands and stop for long kisses. It’s the little things done with love from the heart that keep you connected and the romance alive



http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1214.

7 Signs You're Acting Like a Crazy Girl

The first thing every girl should know about a guy is that they are born to hunt and that they can sense when a girl is acting crazy. Boys love to chase and accomplish things, especially women. When we stop playing hard to get, and start acting like a needy child, boys lose all interest in us! That's why when a girl is acting crazy, most guys will just take off.  So ladies, do you know when a girl is acting crazy?  Or when you are acting crazy?   Heres a list of the top 8 signs to tell if you've lost your cool, and gained some crazy!

   1.CONSTANTLY CALLING AND TEXTING A GUY

Having to text a guy first, shame on him, having to text a guy four times, shame on you. Ladies, when you text a guy four times in a row and he hasn't texted you back, this is absolutely one of the signs that you're acting crazy!   A lot of guys are unsure if you are into them or not so It's a way to let him know you're approachable, but having to text him more times then that just screams needy. If he isn't making the effort to contact you first, or even respond to you at all, he's most likely not interested or scared of you.

2. ASKING EVERY PERSON IF "HE'S INTO YOU"

Yes, we all love to tell stories of that cute boy we hung out with or are talking to. What else are girlfriends for? But constantly having to ask other peoples opinion if he's into you should show you a sign that you're acting crazy. When someone is into us we know it. Having to tell the same story over twenty times to people makes you look a little nuts. Girls, if he is into you, you'll know it, no need to keep asking!  This is totally one of the things girls do when they are a little nutty!

3. PHYSICAL AND CYBER STALKING

There is a difference between checking out your crush online, and spending 2 hours learning everything about him before getting to know him in person. One of the signs a girl is acting crazy is stalking him on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr -- all night long!  With all of the different ways to see where your crush is hanging out, it's easy to stalk him, but that can be a little creepy on his part.  Just play it cool ladies!

4. ALWAYS AVAILABLE FOR HIM

Another sign a girl is crazy is that she is constantly available to him, whenever he asks to do anything.  Make your crush wait a bit before you answer the phone, try a different day if he asks you out.  You don't want him to think that your schedule is constantly clear!

5. EMOTIONALLY INVESTED TOO SOON

Oh ladies, this is absolutely one of the biggest signs a girl is crazy when they instantly become in love with any guy that shows them attention.  Keep yourself a little more guarded, a little more reserved and don't become emotionally invested right away and it'll be better in the long run ladies!

6. PERSONALITY CHANGE

When you're dating a guy, you never want to morph into someone completely different.  Ladies, he likes you for a reason, why would you need to change?  Just because he likes cars and trucks, doesn't mean you have to too!  Have your own likes, dislikes and opinions!

7. CHECKING YOUR PHONE EVERY FIVE SECONDS

Oh the phone, I actually do this a lot now and I've been in a relationship for a while!  Checking your phone constantly see if he has called or texted is another sign a girl is acting crazy.  Just calm down, no need to constantly check your phone!

We all know what its like to have those crazy butterflies that make you think, dream, and breathe only about that crush you have. If you're going to act like a crazy girl the best way to do it is in hiding because of course there is a little crazy in all of us. Remember to play it cool, stick to being yourself, and remember you're more then enough for any guy. What other ways have you found yourself acting a little nuts?

http://love.allwomenstalk.com/signs-youre-acting-like-a-crazy-girl/7/

Does Online Dating Make It Harder to Find ‘The One’?

Everyone knows someone who met their spouse online. A friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in years told me recently that she, too, met her husband on an Internet dating site. They’re happily married, just moved into a new house, and are now talking about starting a family.

When I asked her if she thought online matchmaking was a better way than offline dating to find guys who were more compatible with her — and, therefore, better husband material — she laughed. “No, because I couldn’t stand him when I first met him,” she says of her husband. She thought he was full of himself and rude during their first encounter. It definitely wasn’t love at first sight, she said — that took a while.

In other words, according to my friend, Internet dating is just as unpredictable as the non-digital version. You never know how things are going to evolve until they do. But the benefit, she says, is that dating online gives you access to a lot more people than you’d ordinarily ever get to meet — and that’s how she connected with her future husband.

These observations have been borne out in a new study by social psychologists collaborating across the country. The extensive new study published in the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest sought to answer some critical questions about online dating, an increasingly popular trend that may now account for 1 out of every 5 new relationships formed: fundamentally, how does online dating differ from traditional, face-to-face encounters? And, importantly, does it lead to more successful romantic relationships?

For their 64-page report, the authors reviewed more than 400 studies and surveys on the subject, delving into questions such as whether scientific algorithms — including those used by sites like eHarmony, PerfectMatch and Chemistry to match people according to similarities — can really lead to better and more lasting relationships (no); whether the benefits of endless mate choices online have limits (yes); and whether communicating online by trading photos and emails before meeting in person can promote stronger connections (yes, to a certain extent).

Overall, the study found, Internet dating is a good thing, especially for singles who don’t otherwise have many opportunities to meet people. The industry has been successful, of course — and popular: while only 3% of Americans reported meeting their partners online in 2005, that figure had risen to 22% for heterosexual couples and 6% for same-sex couples by 2007-09. Digital dating is now the second most common way that couples get together, after meeting through friends. But there are certain properties of online dating that actually work against love-seekers, the researchers found, making it no more effective than traditional dating for finding a happy relationship.

“There is no reason to believe that online dating improves romantic outcomes,” says Harry Reis, a professor of psychology at University of Rochester and one of the study’s co-authors. “It may yet, and someday some service might provide good data to show it can, but there is certainly no evidence to that right now.”

One downside to Internet dating has to do with one of its defining characteristics: the profile. In the real world, it takes days or even weeks for the mating dance to unfold, as people learn each other’s likes and dislikes and stumble through the awkward but often rewarding process of finding common ground. Online, that process is telescoped and front-loaded, packaged into a neat little digital profile, usually with an equally artificial video attached.

That leaves a) less mystery and surprise when singles meet face to face. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as profiles can help quickly weed out the obviously inappropriate or incompatible partners (who hasn’t wished for such a skip button on those disastrous real-life blind dates?), but it also means that some of the pleasure of dating, and building a relationship by learning to like a person, is also diluted.

It also means that b) people may unknowingly skip over potential mates for the wrong reasons. The person you see on paper doesn’t translate neatly to a real, live human being, and there’s no predicting or accounting for the chemistry you might feel with a person whose online profile was the opposite of what you thought you wanted. Offline, that kind of attraction would spark organically.

The authors of the study note that people are notoriously fickle about what’s important to them about potential dates. Most people cite attractiveness as key to a potential romantic connection when surveying profiles online, but once people meet face to face, it turns out that physical appeal doesn’t lead to more love connections for those who say it is an important factor than for those who say it isn’t. Once potential partners meet, in other words, other characteristics take precedence over the ones they thought were important.

“You can’t look at a piece of paper and know what it’s like to interact with someone,” says Reis. “Picking a partner is not the same as buying a pair of pants.”

Making things harder, many sites now depend on — and heavily market — their supposedly scientific formulas for matching you with your soul mate based on similar characteristics or personality types. It may seem intuitively logical that people who share the same tastes or attitudes would be compatible, but love, in many cases, doesn’t work that way.

Some online dating sites, for example, attempt to predict attraction based on qualities like whether people prefer scuba diving to shopping, or reading to running, or whether they tend to be shy or more outgoing. But social science studies have found that such a priori predictors aren’t very accurate at all, and that the best prognosticators of how people will get along come from the encounters between them. In other words, it’s hard to tell whether Jim and Sue will be happy together simply by comparing a list of their preferences, perspectives and personality traits before they meet. Stronger predictors of possible romance include the tenor of their conversations, the subject of their discussions, or what they choose to do together.

“Interaction is a rich and complex process,” says Reis. “A partner is another human being, who has his or her own needs, wishes and priorities, and interacting with them can be a very, very complex process for which going through a list of characteristics isn’t useful.”

The authors also found that the sheer number of candidates that some sites provide their love-seeking singles — which can range from dozens to hundreds — can actually undermine the process of finding a suitable mate. The fact that candidates are screened via their profiles already sets up a judgmental, “shopping” mentality that can lead people to objectify their potential partners. Physical appearance and other intangible characteristics may certainly be part of the spark that brings two people together, but having to sift through hundreds of profiles may become overwhelming, forcing the looker to start making relationship decisions based on increasingly superficial and ultimately irrelevant criteria.

And remember, says Reis, “Online dating sites have a vested interest in your failure. If you succeed, the site loses two paying customers.”

Communicating online before meeting can help counter some of this mate-shopping effect, but it depends on how long people correspond electronically before taking things offline. A few weeks of email and photo exchanging serves to enhance people’s attraction when they finally meet, researchers found, but when the correspondence goes on too long — for six weeks — it skews people’s expectations and ends up lowering their attraction upon meeting. Over time, people start to form inflated or overly particular views about the other person, which leaves them at risk for being disappointed in the end.

Considering the many pitfalls, what accounts for the enduring popularity — and success — of online dating sites? Part of it may be the fact that singles who use online dating sites are a particularly motivated lot. Their desire to find a spouse and get married may make them more likely to actually find a life partner on the site, or believe that they have. And they’re also probably more likely to believe that the matchmaking algorithms that power so many sites really can find them that person who’s “meant to be.”

It also offers an attractive solution for an age-old problem for singles — where to meet potential mates. As more people delay marriage, either for financial or professional reasons, and with more people constantly moving around to find better jobs, disrupting their social networks, the easily accessed digital community of like-minded singles becomes a tantalizing draw.

Still, those who go online looking for love are left navigating a minefield of odds — not unlike dating in the non-digital realm. But at least there’s solace in matches like my friend’s. If there’s one thing online dating does better than any matchmaker or network of friends who are eager to set you up with that “someone who’s perfect for you,” it’s finding you lots and lots of candidates. “Like anything on the Internet, if you use online dating wisely, it can be a great advantage,” says Reis. You just have to accept that not all of your matches will be your Mr. or Ms. Right.

http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/07/does-online-dating-make-it-harder-to-find-the-one/

The Relationship Repeater: How to Stop Seeking Out the Wrong Partners

Everyone has had a relationship that doesn’t work out, but not everyone repeatedly starts and ends relationships that so closely resemble the last one that failed.

What separates people who have good relationships from people who have bad ones? The degree of repetition and frustration. If you’re someone who keeps feeling frustrated that you’re not meeting The One, you might be what I call a “Relationship Repeater.” Simply put, a Relationship Repeater is someone who is stuck in a rut, making the same type of bad relationship decisions over and over.

Men and women who get stuck in this way aren’t crazy – just rigid and too set in their ways for their own good. They keep repeating the same mistakes because they have been unable to glean emotional lessons from their past relationships and learn from them. Healthy lovers, on the other hand, try to avoid what didn’t work the last time.

So, are you a Relationship Repeater? Ask yourself if you meet any of the following criteria:

•  You find yourself attracted to partners who don’t meet your emotional needs.

•  You find yourself attracted to the same characteristics that ultimately made you unhappy in the last relationship.

•  Your friends and family tell you that you prioritize the wrong characteristics in potential partners.

•  You struggle to find a partner who truly understands or ‘gets’ you.

•   You feel like you lack the ability to detect warning signs early, or you notice them but try to deny them or make excuses for them.

How to Get Un-Stuck:

If you’ve been unlucky in love so far, don’t worry: The truth is that you have complete control over your romantic future. Aren’t you tired of saying goodbye? Don’t you get sick of starting over with someone new? Follow the tips below and your future will thank you for it!

1. When dating someone new, keep the frequency of dates to a minimum, at least for a while.

There are so many rules about dating. There are rules about the rules, and rules about what happens if you don’t follow the rules. Well, here’s one rule I insist on: When you find someone you like, don’t see him or her too much in the beginning. If you have a history of unsuccessful relationships and you start seeing someone new too frequently and too intensely, I’m sorry to tell you that you are probably going to mess things up. It’s not your fault, but odds are that you will revert to your old, familiar behavior. The key is to slow things down so that you don’t blindly – or impulsively – make the same mistakes over and over again.

2. Gain insight into your problem and practice the art of detaching.

It’s normal to attach to someone you know and trust; it’s also normal to detach when someone hurts you and has shown a pattern of hurting you. The problem with men and women who are stuck seeking out the wrong partners is that once they attach to someone, they have a hard time detaching later when the relationship has stopped working. In other words, once they get attached to someone, they get stuck and cannot disengage or pull themselves apart – even if they’re unhappy.

You might wonder why people wouldn’t want to detach if they’re unhappy, but the sad truth is that having bad relationships is par for the course for Relationship Repeaters. In fact, most Relationship Repeaters came from families where there was significant chaos, addiction, or a painful separation (e.g., having an absent parent).

Relationship Repeaters don’t want to end their romantic relationships – even if they’re bad – because they’re sick of separations and they crave consistency, which they often haven’t had in their lives previously. If you have a problem detaching once you have already attached, you need to start engaging in behaviors that give you a greater sense of independence and inner peacefulness. Start on this course by going to the movies on your own or staying at home on an evening night when you would normally go out and socialize with others.

3. Talk to your primary care physician about obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

Men and women who have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder have a much more difficult time than others in having romantic relationships, as they tend to get stuck obsessing about things both big and small. Abbey and colleagues (2007), for example, found that the more severe one’s obsessions were, the more dissatisfied and less intimate the individuals’ romantic relationships were. It makes sense, too, if you think about it!

The vast majority of readers don’t have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, but if you keep getting stuck repeating bad relationship patterns, you may have one or more obsessive-compulsive traits. Talk to your physician about whether you might have some of these symptoms, and whether these symptoms may negatively impact your approach to romantic relationships. If you do happen to have some obsessive-compulsive symptoms, there are lots of ways to reduce the severity so that you can function well in all parts of your life: medication therapy, talk therapy, or even spiritual or religious guidance from a professional who can help you meet your life goals.

4. Read a good book about how to stop repeating unhealthy relationship patterns.

I’m a psychologist so I make referrals for psychotherapy in my sleep. I love therapy and think it is one of the most helpful things a person can do in his or her life, but I don’t underestimate the power of a good book in helping people change. I wrote an entire book on how to stop repeating toxic relationship patterns, which is called Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve. You might find another book helpful, as well, which is called Obsessive Love, by my friend and colleague, Susan Forward.

You know what the worst consequence is when you keep seeking out the wrong partners again and again? You stop trusting yourself and your instincts, and you become haunted by a tiny voice in the back of your head that tells you that you’re programmed to fail in love. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, lock the doors and block out that voice. No one was put here on Earth to suffer repeatedly in relationships. We must learn from our mistakes and do better the next time. The final takeaway? Stop chasing, surrender, and let yourself have a consistently good relationship for a change.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/the-relationship-repeater-how-to-stop-seeking-out-the-wrong-partners/#.UgzbkZK1Hnc

Why Hasn't He Called?

Of all the questions asked around dating, one of the most common one is about what to do when he hasn't called. There's something about that unfinished business, about being left hanging without an explanation that leaves even the most confident of us wondering what we did wrong, and whether or not we should try to contact him to elicit some kind of an answer.

We all share the same story line: You met a great guy, you really hit it off, maybe even went on a date or two, then nothing. No phone call, no explanation, just a silent phone. Every time the phone rings your heart rate shoots up as you grab for your phone, only to see that it's your friend or your Mom calling, as  your hearts sinks back into your stomach (sorry Mom!)

It's the same story.

The other part of the story that is always the same, is that we've convinced ourselves our situation is unique, unlike every other woman's experience with the guy who hasn't called. But the reality is that our story is exactly the same as all of the many, many women around the world, and through the ages, that have experienced the same thing. We just don't want to hear it or believe it.

There seems to be something about believing that our own personal situation is different, hanging onto the hope that we're the exception to the rule, that makes us feel better, at least temporarily.

A simple explanation.

But the reality is that it's just not different. Based both my own personal experience as well as that of my friends and the many women I've counseled over the years, the answer is pretty simple: He hasn't called because he isn't ready or interested in pursuing a relationship with you right now. 

And the other hard truth is that he may never be, in fact he most likely won't ever be.  But that's fine because the bottom line is, he's not the guy for you.  If he were, it would be happening. He'd be calling you. That's the short, tough to swallow, but true, answer.  Any further explanation doesn't change anything so it doesn't matter.

What matters is you!

I can't even begin to tell you how much time and energy I personally wasted hoping to solicit some kind of an explanation from a guy who hadn't called.  A guy who suddenly just disappeared.  Oh, he might have still been around, either at work or at a place where we might run into each other from time to time, but in every other way, the most important ways, he was no longer in my life.

There is just something about a guy who pursues us in the beginning, even if it's only for one evening or one date, and then suddenly doesn't call, that brings out the absolute worst in us.  We want to know why.  We need to why.  It haunts us, keeps us up at night, keeps us obsessively checking our messages, our emails, our voicemails and our phones to make sure they're still working.

Focus on yourself.

The worst part is that it also keeps  us focusing on the exact opposite of what we should be focusing on. It keeps us focusing on him and how bad he made us feel instead of focusing on ourselves and our lives and finding a relationship with a guy who genuinely wants a relationship with us and is showing us that by actively pursuing us!  Why is that so difficult for us to get?  It will seem so obvious to you when enough time has passed for you to be able to see the situation through clear eyes, but when you're in it I know exactly just how hard it is to let it go.

So, as tempted as you may be to call him, to track him down and get the answer out of him that you know you deserve, I'm telling you first hand that doesn't work.  It never does.  It doesn't make him decide he was wrong about you and then start pursuing you – if anything, the opposite is true. Because if he was about to come to his senses and call you, and beg your forgiveness for the long delay, but you call him before he has that chance, well you've just taken the chase out of it for him. Men have an innate drive to pursue any woman they're genuinely interested in, and for most men if that's taken away, then it changes the entire relationship and not for the better.

It will only make you feel worse.

And it doesn't make you feel any better – in fact, it makes you feel worse because you need something from him that he isn't giving you. By putting yourself in that begging position of looking to someone to give you some crumb to make you feel better, you only hurt your already injured self-esteem and further diminish your confidence level, all of which decreases your ability to attract your true Mr. Right.

Yes, you deserve an explanation, but that doesn't mean getting that explanation is worth what jumping through hoops to get it does to you and your precious self.  You are worth so much more than that!

Instead, resist the urge to contact him and take the high road that keeps your self-confidence and self-esteem intact.  That means accepting the fact that he hasn't called, regardless of the reason. It also means knowing that you are so much better off finding out now that he isn't interested, or isn't ready for a relationship with you right now, then finding out the hard way down the road after you've invested all that much more time and energy and your heart in something that wasn't meant to be in the first place.

Pick your own reason.

If you absolutely have to have a reason in order to save your sanity, go ahead and give it a reason – either he wasn't ready, wasn't interested, he was still involved with someone else, he met someone else, he's addicted to work (or something worse) in his life, he's too young, too old – whatever, you get the point. Pick whichever reason makes you feel better.  And then, as hard as it may be to actually do this, let him go.  Find your peace in accepting what is.

If he lost your number, he'll find a way to contact you some other way.  Men in hot pursuit of something they want to pursue know no roadblocks.  Let it go.  He's not the one for you, obviously, regardless of how much potential he seemed to show.  The reality is that you didn't even really know him well enough to make that assumption.  No matter how much chemistry, no matter how attractive he was, no matter how much he pursued you.  In the end, none of this will matter.

The only thing that matters is that you have saved yourself that energy, that time to focus on yourself and being available in every way for that guy who is looking for you and is ready to pursue you in such a way that there will be no question that he is truly ready and available and interested in you and everything you have to offer!

http://www.gettingtotruelove.com/2012/07/06/why-hasnt-he-called/